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Substance Abuse
I'm a little new at this....
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 305613" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>So sorry you are going through this and sorry your son is making these type of choices. I fear the other posters are right, especially regarding the black stuff, definitly not pot! Mix hard core drug use and alcohol abuse, and mental health diagnosis and medications etc? He really needs some help.</p><p>It sounds so easy to us that aren't addicts to imagine staying busy for work will be helpful. For those addicts in recovery, work can ground them and give a purpose to their day, help them focus on their recovery. Sadly, for most addicts, it either fuels their finances to allow them to abuse their addictions more, or the jobs don't last.</p><p>I think the long term treatment that the counsellor recommends is the route to push for. You cannot force a 19 year to treatment, technically he is an adult. However you and the counsellor can certainly opt to push this treatment toward him. It is a good thing that the counsellor thinks he can be pursuaded. Really, it sounds like he needs it. He doesn't sound to be denying abusing substances to you when he says he needs it, etc. It just sounds like he doesn't want to fess up to what exactly he is consuming. Shame can be a hard thing, disappointing your parents etc. </p><p>I would push with the counsellor for him to attend in patient long term treatment, hopefully in a facility where they deal with addictions mixed with mental health issues. I would also ask him to voluntarily go for blood tests to test for all illicit drugs, to avoid him pretending he is not using substances that in fact he has been. A good place to start is knowing exactly what he is dealing with.</p><p>Please don't beat yourself up! I felt so sad that you felt bad as a parent. You didn't create his mental health issues. You didn't choose for him to turn to substances for whatever reason he has. You are a parent. You birthed him, raised him, loved him. Tried the best you could as we all do. And then they grow up and they are their own individuals! They choose their paths as we chose ours. It is heartbreaking to see our children struggle, let alone with addictions and mental illness. My heart goes out to you and him and the rest of your family. But don't for one second feel shame or as if you have failed him.</p><p>You didn't create this. You can't fix this. He created it. He has to fix it. You can love him and support him while he battles his way to a better and more different future. </p><p>It sounds like addictions and substances are very foreign to you. That is a good thing! In one sense anyhow. Seems as if since you know so little, it hasn't been a factor in your family. Which is helpful in that maybe your son isn't battling genetic predisposal to addiction. That is one less strike against future success to get his life on track.</p><p>I suggest looking up the phone number for local Alanon or Narcanon groups. Support groups for people in exactly your situation. It can help you understand what he's using and abusing, how it can impact his (and your!) life, what it takes to be supportive but not enabling, how to cope with HIS choice, just give you a place full of understanding people who have been there and are there. Much like we all here try to empathize, a group like this can help you meet people local to you in a secure safe environment who can help support you through this journey with your son. Consider it a gift to yourself in a very trying time. And a gift to your son, the more educated you are, the better you can help him when he begins to help himself.</p><p>Hang in there!!! And tell yourself every day that you are not to blame! That saddens me most in your post I think. That you'd think you created this in any sense. (((hugs)))</p><p>You've found a wonderful group here of parents who've seen it ALL. </p><p>Welcome! (Although I'm sad to see the reason you've found this amazing group)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 305613, member: 4264"] So sorry you are going through this and sorry your son is making these type of choices. I fear the other posters are right, especially regarding the black stuff, definitly not pot! Mix hard core drug use and alcohol abuse, and mental health diagnosis and medications etc? He really needs some help. It sounds so easy to us that aren't addicts to imagine staying busy for work will be helpful. For those addicts in recovery, work can ground them and give a purpose to their day, help them focus on their recovery. Sadly, for most addicts, it either fuels their finances to allow them to abuse their addictions more, or the jobs don't last. I think the long term treatment that the counsellor recommends is the route to push for. You cannot force a 19 year to treatment, technically he is an adult. However you and the counsellor can certainly opt to push this treatment toward him. It is a good thing that the counsellor thinks he can be pursuaded. Really, it sounds like he needs it. He doesn't sound to be denying abusing substances to you when he says he needs it, etc. It just sounds like he doesn't want to fess up to what exactly he is consuming. Shame can be a hard thing, disappointing your parents etc. I would push with the counsellor for him to attend in patient long term treatment, hopefully in a facility where they deal with addictions mixed with mental health issues. I would also ask him to voluntarily go for blood tests to test for all illicit drugs, to avoid him pretending he is not using substances that in fact he has been. A good place to start is knowing exactly what he is dealing with. Please don't beat yourself up! I felt so sad that you felt bad as a parent. You didn't create his mental health issues. You didn't choose for him to turn to substances for whatever reason he has. You are a parent. You birthed him, raised him, loved him. Tried the best you could as we all do. And then they grow up and they are their own individuals! They choose their paths as we chose ours. It is heartbreaking to see our children struggle, let alone with addictions and mental illness. My heart goes out to you and him and the rest of your family. But don't for one second feel shame or as if you have failed him. You didn't create this. You can't fix this. He created it. He has to fix it. You can love him and support him while he battles his way to a better and more different future. It sounds like addictions and substances are very foreign to you. That is a good thing! In one sense anyhow. Seems as if since you know so little, it hasn't been a factor in your family. Which is helpful in that maybe your son isn't battling genetic predisposal to addiction. That is one less strike against future success to get his life on track. I suggest looking up the phone number for local Alanon or Narcanon groups. Support groups for people in exactly your situation. It can help you understand what he's using and abusing, how it can impact his (and your!) life, what it takes to be supportive but not enabling, how to cope with HIS choice, just give you a place full of understanding people who have been there and are there. Much like we all here try to empathize, a group like this can help you meet people local to you in a secure safe environment who can help support you through this journey with your son. Consider it a gift to yourself in a very trying time. And a gift to your son, the more educated you are, the better you can help him when he begins to help himself. Hang in there!!! And tell yourself every day that you are not to blame! That saddens me most in your post I think. That you'd think you created this in any sense. (((hugs))) You've found a wonderful group here of parents who've seen it ALL. Welcome! (Although I'm sad to see the reason you've found this amazing group) [/QUOTE]
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