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I'm a son who became criminal and wants to reconnect with parents. I need your help.
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<blockquote data-quote="Jabberwockey" data-source="post: 707584" data-attributes="member: 18238"><p>What I'm about to say to you may seem harsh but please read it. I'm saying all of this not only as a father who has a son in a similar situation to yours but as a Correctional professional with 25 years of experience. I don't want to chase you away or make you feel bad about yourself. I want you to think about your life and be honest with yourself.</p><p></p><p>Based on what you've said here, you are a criminal. You can sugar coat it all you want but it doesn't change the facts. Does this make you a bad person? Not at all. Do some research yourself on two classes, Impact of Crime on Victims Class and The Impact of Criminal Thinking. I did a quick google search and found <a href="https://criminalthinking.wordpress.com/page/3/" target="_blank">Criminal Thinking Deterred</a> and it made some interesting points that you might want to consider.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>The reason you're concerned about whether your parents will accept you or not is because it's uncomfortable for law abiding citizens to be on friendly terms with criminals. So many of the usual topics of conversation will only enhance that discomfort. Then there is the possibility that law enforcement may show up at their house looking for you.</p><p></p><p>And that business that you are planning to build with the money you are currently making? Make no mistake that it will ALWAYS be at risk. You never know when one of your former associates will get busted and give your name to keep out of trouble. You get convicted and all of that money you obtained by illegal means will be forfeit, no matter what it was used for. For that matter, those charities that you donate to could be at risk as well.</p><p></p><p>If you truly want your family in your life, you will have to give up the criminal lifestyle. Until you do that, you will not be able to have a close relationship with them. They will have to keep you at arms length to protect themselves and will always be uncomfortable about your lifestyle. Not saying that you wont be able to have any kind of relationship with them, just that it will probably be a bit distant.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I doubt that very seriously. Very few people, even religious fanatics, see good and bad as black and white. Most every one on this board will probably agree that marijuana, to most people, is not really that big of a deal. But its illegal and there is no "grades of illegality". Its either illegal or it isn't. While I doubt that anyone would argue that murder is much worse that theft, it doesn't change the fact that they are both illegal. Most older people appear to the younger generations to have a black and white point of view because they've learned through experience that it tends to be easier dealing with things that way, not that they actually see it that way. Take alcohol for example. If you have a family history of alcoholism you can either try to play the shades of grey option and hope you don't succumb or play it safe and think in black and white and assume that if they drink they will become an alcoholic.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>But you are someone's slave. You've allowed yourself to become a slave to easy money. YOU have limited your options and caused this. As far as who you blame...bullshit. This is a cop out. You made the choices in your life. You allowed those factors to influence your decision. They have no power over you unless you allow it. Read the article above on criminal thinking.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Read the article on criminal thinking.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I'm assuming that you said you don't understand what they want? Based on that assumption, I will say that they want you to live a happy, productive life. As any gains from a criminal lifestyle can be snatched away at the drop of a hat, they don't see your current life as being productive.</p><p></p><p>You are under no more obligation to connect and socialize with them than they are with you. IF you want to, then do it but don't think that its required.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Again, refer to the Criminal Thinking article.</p><p></p><p>The reason others are paid well to do the 9 to 5 thing is because they worked for it and earned it. It wasn't given to them. They had to go to school, earn a degree, get a job, work their way up the ladder and pay their dues to get that pay. You don't have that because you've chosen not to get an education and then get that crappy job and work your way up the ladder. You chose not to pay your dues and instead, live the criminal lifestyle. Yes, you can make more in one month that I will make in a year. So? This is an excuse to not live the legal lifestyle, not a reason. So your boss is an ass or the customers are jerks. Boo fricking hoo. Welcome to life and paying your dues. There is no such creature as a perfect job, just the one you can tolerate the best. You don't have any better financial options because you aren't willing to create them by getting your education and by working those crap jobs to get better ones.</p><p></p><p>You don't care if you go to jail again...yet you wonder why your family doesn't like what your doing with your life. If you get your business, your parents don't have to deal with how you got the money. You know they wont like it so don't mention it. </p><p></p><p>I know I've sounded fairly harsh throughout this post. I wont say that I didn't mean to since it would be a lie. I've been doing this job entirely too long dealing with people with your same attitude and excused and I have no time to give you a fairy tale bull; <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> lie about how you can live the criminal life and everything will turn out fine. I'm simply telling you what I've seen happen over the years. I've seen families torn apart because the child can't understand why the family won't be happy that he's supporting himself and the family can't understand why the son doesn't see the damage he's doing. I've seen children grow up angry because their dad is never around because he's always in prison. I'm not trying to judge you nor am I looking at this from a black and white perspective. You want to reconnect with your family but you may not be able to because of your lifestyle. </p><p></p><p>If my son were to move back to our town and start dealing, I'd have no choice but to distance myself from him. Not because I'm trying to judge him or because I don't love him, but because its the only way to protect myself, my wife, my lifestyle from his. There are negative aspects of that lifestyle that could have SERIOUS repercussions on mine and I can't allow that to happen. Remember that if your parents chose to remain distant from you. Its not that they don't love you or want to reconcile, its because they feel they have to protect themselves from the negative aspects of your chosen lifestyle.</p><p></p><p>I hope I haven't offended you too much and have given you some serious food for thought. Please take this for what its meant to be, some advice, opinions, and knowledge from someone on this side of the fence who has more knowledge than the average bear about life on the other side of the fence. Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jabberwockey, post: 707584, member: 18238"] What I'm about to say to you may seem harsh but please read it. I'm saying all of this not only as a father who has a son in a similar situation to yours but as a Correctional professional with 25 years of experience. I don't want to chase you away or make you feel bad about yourself. I want you to think about your life and be honest with yourself. Based on what you've said here, you are a criminal. You can sugar coat it all you want but it doesn't change the facts. Does this make you a bad person? Not at all. Do some research yourself on two classes, Impact of Crime on Victims Class and The Impact of Criminal Thinking. I did a quick google search and found [URL="https://criminalthinking.wordpress.com/page/3/"]Criminal Thinking Deterred[/URL] and it made some interesting points that you might want to consider. The reason you're concerned about whether your parents will accept you or not is because it's uncomfortable for law abiding citizens to be on friendly terms with criminals. So many of the usual topics of conversation will only enhance that discomfort. Then there is the possibility that law enforcement may show up at their house looking for you. And that business that you are planning to build with the money you are currently making? Make no mistake that it will ALWAYS be at risk. You never know when one of your former associates will get busted and give your name to keep out of trouble. You get convicted and all of that money you obtained by illegal means will be forfeit, no matter what it was used for. For that matter, those charities that you donate to could be at risk as well. If you truly want your family in your life, you will have to give up the criminal lifestyle. Until you do that, you will not be able to have a close relationship with them. They will have to keep you at arms length to protect themselves and will always be uncomfortable about your lifestyle. Not saying that you wont be able to have any kind of relationship with them, just that it will probably be a bit distant. I doubt that very seriously. Very few people, even religious fanatics, see good and bad as black and white. Most every one on this board will probably agree that marijuana, to most people, is not really that big of a deal. But its illegal and there is no "grades of illegality". Its either illegal or it isn't. While I doubt that anyone would argue that murder is much worse that theft, it doesn't change the fact that they are both illegal. Most older people appear to the younger generations to have a black and white point of view because they've learned through experience that it tends to be easier dealing with things that way, not that they actually see it that way. Take alcohol for example. If you have a family history of alcoholism you can either try to play the shades of grey option and hope you don't succumb or play it safe and think in black and white and assume that if they drink they will become an alcoholic. But you are someone's slave. You've allowed yourself to become a slave to easy money. YOU have limited your options and caused this. As far as who you blame...bullshit. This is a cop out. You made the choices in your life. You allowed those factors to influence your decision. They have no power over you unless you allow it. Read the article above on criminal thinking. Read the article on criminal thinking. I'm assuming that you said you don't understand what they want? Based on that assumption, I will say that they want you to live a happy, productive life. As any gains from a criminal lifestyle can be snatched away at the drop of a hat, they don't see your current life as being productive. You are under no more obligation to connect and socialize with them than they are with you. IF you want to, then do it but don't think that its required. Again, refer to the Criminal Thinking article. The reason others are paid well to do the 9 to 5 thing is because they worked for it and earned it. It wasn't given to them. They had to go to school, earn a degree, get a job, work their way up the ladder and pay their dues to get that pay. You don't have that because you've chosen not to get an education and then get that crappy job and work your way up the ladder. You chose not to pay your dues and instead, live the criminal lifestyle. Yes, you can make more in one month that I will make in a year. So? This is an excuse to not live the legal lifestyle, not a reason. So your boss is an ass or the customers are jerks. Boo fricking hoo. Welcome to life and paying your dues. There is no such creature as a perfect job, just the one you can tolerate the best. You don't have any better financial options because you aren't willing to create them by getting your education and by working those crap jobs to get better ones. You don't care if you go to jail again...yet you wonder why your family doesn't like what your doing with your life. If you get your business, your parents don't have to deal with how you got the money. You know they wont like it so don't mention it. I know I've sounded fairly harsh throughout this post. I wont say that I didn't mean to since it would be a lie. I've been doing this job entirely too long dealing with people with your same attitude and excused and I have no time to give you a fairy tale bull; :censored2: lie about how you can live the criminal life and everything will turn out fine. I'm simply telling you what I've seen happen over the years. I've seen families torn apart because the child can't understand why the family won't be happy that he's supporting himself and the family can't understand why the son doesn't see the damage he's doing. I've seen children grow up angry because their dad is never around because he's always in prison. I'm not trying to judge you nor am I looking at this from a black and white perspective. You want to reconnect with your family but you may not be able to because of your lifestyle. If my son were to move back to our town and start dealing, I'd have no choice but to distance myself from him. Not because I'm trying to judge him or because I don't love him, but because its the only way to protect myself, my wife, my lifestyle from his. There are negative aspects of that lifestyle that could have SERIOUS repercussions on mine and I can't allow that to happen. Remember that if your parents chose to remain distant from you. Its not that they don't love you or want to reconcile, its because they feel they have to protect themselves from the negative aspects of your chosen lifestyle. I hope I haven't offended you too much and have given you some serious food for thought. Please take this for what its meant to be, some advice, opinions, and knowledge from someone on this side of the fence who has more knowledge than the average bear about life on the other side of the fence. Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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I'm a son who became criminal and wants to reconnect with parents. I need your help.
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