Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I'm back and its not a pretty story . . .
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 448274" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I too can see the view of perhaps paying the rent, ends justifying the means, saving your sanity etc. </p><p></p><p>On the other hand, I see that obviously you and your husband must know there is a chance in a month when rent is due again, she is either going to likely end up on your door with her hand out for more rent and a guilt trip about her impending homelessness or need to return home if you don't help AGAIN, unless she gets it together enough to find a job, get enough checks under her belt to make the next rent payment, still afford food etc. In a month? Even if hired right away, can she reasonably be on her feet enough to continue the rent? It might be a sinking ship you're bandaiding if viewed that way. You and your husband know more particulars we don't, so I support you both regardless of what avenue you take.</p><p></p><p>I will say that perhaps, from a outside perspective with limited knowledge of the situation, that I might be tempted to let her figure her own mess out when the week long rental runs out. Shelters exist and are a hand up instead of a hand out. Same theory as parents bailing out except no emotions, they offer xyz in return for requiring of her efforts to find employment, securing her own affordable housing etc. I think for me, I'd have to tough love her at this point but like I said, I don't know the entire situation. I think I'd be likely to draw the line today, given her recent theft and her desire to be dependent rather than indepentely responsable. I'd probably NOT charge her a felony for the checks, but tell her that you had considered charging her but also helping with one months rent, but you have decided that in leiu of charging for the check, you're recouping losses and trust by not helping financially anymore. That it is time she stands on her own two feet. She's not 18 and naive anymore, etc. I'd offer her love and supervised visits as a family, no access to purses, desks that might hold financial things like check books etc. I'd also tell her that once she starts getting paid she needs to pay a amount each pay to you and husband to refund her stolen money, even if it's just $20 a pay period, never missing a payment, in attempts to offer her a chance to regain trust and to deserve forgiveness.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 448274, member: 4264"] I too can see the view of perhaps paying the rent, ends justifying the means, saving your sanity etc. On the other hand, I see that obviously you and your husband must know there is a chance in a month when rent is due again, she is either going to likely end up on your door with her hand out for more rent and a guilt trip about her impending homelessness or need to return home if you don't help AGAIN, unless she gets it together enough to find a job, get enough checks under her belt to make the next rent payment, still afford food etc. In a month? Even if hired right away, can she reasonably be on her feet enough to continue the rent? It might be a sinking ship you're bandaiding if viewed that way. You and your husband know more particulars we don't, so I support you both regardless of what avenue you take. I will say that perhaps, from a outside perspective with limited knowledge of the situation, that I might be tempted to let her figure her own mess out when the week long rental runs out. Shelters exist and are a hand up instead of a hand out. Same theory as parents bailing out except no emotions, they offer xyz in return for requiring of her efforts to find employment, securing her own affordable housing etc. I think for me, I'd have to tough love her at this point but like I said, I don't know the entire situation. I think I'd be likely to draw the line today, given her recent theft and her desire to be dependent rather than indepentely responsable. I'd probably NOT charge her a felony for the checks, but tell her that you had considered charging her but also helping with one months rent, but you have decided that in leiu of charging for the check, you're recouping losses and trust by not helping financially anymore. That it is time she stands on her own two feet. She's not 18 and naive anymore, etc. I'd offer her love and supervised visits as a family, no access to purses, desks that might hold financial things like check books etc. I'd also tell her that once she starts getting paid she needs to pay a amount each pay to you and husband to refund her stolen money, even if it's just $20 a pay period, never missing a payment, in attempts to offer her a chance to regain trust and to deserve forgiveness. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I'm back and its not a pretty story . . .
Top