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I'm back and its not a pretty story . . .
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 448423" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Thanks to all who replied. It was great to see old friends and some new names, too.</p><p></p><p>To answer some of the questions, yes, she definitely has the new job. She showed me the paperwork when we got home and it even included her schedule (which she had also read us over the phone). It is the perfect opportunity for her since they understand that she needs more training and want to work her gradually to the floor as a fulltime stylist. The first few jobs out of beauty school just threw her out on the floor before she was ready and she didn't have any confidence. It is also a high-end salon which has the potential for a really good living if she sticks it out.</p><p></p><p>She has held down jobs before for long periods of time. I think that this job has the potential for really working out for her. That is why I am so hesitant about doing anything that will keep her from getting started.</p><p></p><p>As far as comparing her to myself at 26, I had already been teaching school for three years and moved on my own to a new city. However, I also did not have mental health issues like difficult child. Besides the diagnosed clinical depression, I am conviced she has Borderline (BPD) even though I have never seen a clinical diagnosis. Not that those things excuse lying and stealing, but could explain her problems with being functionally independent.</p><p></p><p>I guess that also explains my hesitation with charging her with a felony and completely cutting her off financially. If she had a physical disorder that caused her to need help, we wouldn't hesitate to help her then. However, if she steals from a job and gets charged, then it is out of my hands and she will have to face the consequences.</p><p></p><p>Or am I just making excuses? One thing I do know is that I will not let her back in our house. If nothing else, I am going to protect the rest of us from her behavior. She has already called from the hotel begging to come back and saying that she can't stay there. I told her that she was lucky that she was in an extended stay hotel instead of jail. Of course, she hung up on me.</p><p></p><p>DDD, husband still has not found a job. He has gone back to school to get a teaching certificate since he has a math degree. I worked an extra job teaching online to save up for our trip. difficult child saw it as proof that we had enough money to help her out and resented us for going. How is that for warped thinking? I owe her because I worked myself to the bone to pay for a once in a lifetime trip for husband and me. I think that partially explained her justification for writing the check even though I had stocked up on food for her before we left. The check was written to our grocery store (which is also our pharmacy).</p><p></p><p>Janet, I am sorry that you lost sleep over my problems! You were the first one I thought of when I realized difficult child had written that check. </p><p></p><p>Although I hate why I am here, it almost feels like I am back home.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 448423, member: 1967"] Thanks to all who replied. It was great to see old friends and some new names, too. To answer some of the questions, yes, she definitely has the new job. She showed me the paperwork when we got home and it even included her schedule (which she had also read us over the phone). It is the perfect opportunity for her since they understand that she needs more training and want to work her gradually to the floor as a fulltime stylist. The first few jobs out of beauty school just threw her out on the floor before she was ready and she didn't have any confidence. It is also a high-end salon which has the potential for a really good living if she sticks it out. She has held down jobs before for long periods of time. I think that this job has the potential for really working out for her. That is why I am so hesitant about doing anything that will keep her from getting started. As far as comparing her to myself at 26, I had already been teaching school for three years and moved on my own to a new city. However, I also did not have mental health issues like difficult child. Besides the diagnosed clinical depression, I am conviced she has Borderline (BPD) even though I have never seen a clinical diagnosis. Not that those things excuse lying and stealing, but could explain her problems with being functionally independent. I guess that also explains my hesitation with charging her with a felony and completely cutting her off financially. If she had a physical disorder that caused her to need help, we wouldn't hesitate to help her then. However, if she steals from a job and gets charged, then it is out of my hands and she will have to face the consequences. Or am I just making excuses? One thing I do know is that I will not let her back in our house. If nothing else, I am going to protect the rest of us from her behavior. She has already called from the hotel begging to come back and saying that she can't stay there. I told her that she was lucky that she was in an extended stay hotel instead of jail. Of course, she hung up on me. DDD, husband still has not found a job. He has gone back to school to get a teaching certificate since he has a math degree. I worked an extra job teaching online to save up for our trip. difficult child saw it as proof that we had enough money to help her out and resented us for going. How is that for warped thinking? I owe her because I worked myself to the bone to pay for a once in a lifetime trip for husband and me. I think that partially explained her justification for writing the check even though I had stocked up on food for her before we left. The check was written to our grocery store (which is also our pharmacy). Janet, I am sorry that you lost sleep over my problems! You were the first one I thought of when I realized difficult child had written that check. Although I hate why I am here, it almost feels like I am back home. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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