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I'm back and its not a pretty story . . .
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 450575" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Well........Good grief I'm not wishy at all...I'm about as hard as they come and for all intents and purposes? I'm right there with Janet and Nancy - and Mrsammler. Do I think you SHOULD charge her? At 26? After all you've done? Yes. </p><p></p><p>If it were anyone else in your world EXCEPT your daughter, at age WHAT?? TWENTY SIX -almost thirty? FORGING CHECKS of her parents because she KNEW you would NOT press charges? I mean - seriously Kathy WHAT was the BIG deal that she couldn't pick up the phone and call you in HI and say "Mom, I'm really sorry, but I know you trusted me to stay here, and I've snooped through and rifled through ALL of your drawers, and broken your trust searching for XYZ which in my opinion is RIDICULOUS ----and THAT alone would have set my hair on fire...but what and why couldn't she just be a woman and say "I need a loan can you help?" Nope - she took a check book and pealed herself out a few checks, and then when she got caught? "OH I'm going to kill myself." OMG I would have been so furious I would have been shoving pills IN her mouth and probably gone to jail instead of her FOR abuse." PUll THAT **** on me...(in a whiney voice ---I'm suicidal watch me I want to die...whaaaa) ---Fine I'll help you then----open your pie hole---I've got some junk here that should turn your hair green for at least ten years and make your nose big like Dumbos." UGH. Lets PLAY! </p><p></p><p>HOWEVER.......ONCE I calm down? It occurs to me that there is a part of me.....that thinks....AHHHHH I've already turned my kid in for felony thinking it would make a huge change in his life. It would allow law enforcement to step in and show him how serious everyone involved was. What it did was make a complete freaking mess of his life, mylife, our life. And all it did in the end? Was ruin everything. He quit school, he never got his GED because he was so busy trying to work part time jobs to pay for all his fines, probation, and fees for court that he NEVER had time for school. OR GED. He couldn't get a decent job because of the felony, and eventually said SCREW IT - I'm a felon - I can't even get a job at Arbys, Walmart -or Burger King - and now is living by his wits. </p><p></p><p>So while the Tough Love - aspect of "AVAST YE _ SEND HER TO JAIL AND TEACH HER A LESSON" sounds so tough and lessony? You want opinions? I'm giving you mine. - put your checks in the safe with the rest of the junk you don't want her to get ahold of. Put better locks on the doors and change them ALL.....glass block on the basement windows - should cost around $500. WELL WORTH IT.....with vent windows for ventilation.....or do it yourself for around $400. Make a pact with your husband RIGHT NOW - that she is ABSOLUTELY ON HER LAST ---WE TOLD YOU SO....and let her go get the job as a hair dresser to make it on her own. THen TOUGH LOVE IT from here. </p><p></p><p>IF she's 26.....and hasn't learned ANYTHING from you yet???? She's NOT going to learn it from you now. Sorry all -----I just don't think ONE tough love lesson this late is going to change the pot/kettle situation or make a life altering hit the bottom of the ditch for her. </p><p></p><p>She in my humble opinion is going to continue to do what she has been doing - all along for 26 years ----BUT at least if you do NOT send her to jail? YOU are NOT the reason she "I COULDN"T MAKE IT BECAUSE YOU MADE ME A FELON" and add one more stir to your pot of misery. I would however find myself a therapist Kathy and work with them to DETACH DETACH DETACH from her RIDICULOUS BS....and tell myself that THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE FINAL AND LAST STRAW FOREVER AMEN.....and don't let yourself be knived by her stories anymore. NO MATTER WHAT. THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE FINAL BLOW for YOU.....not necessarily HER......BUT YOU. </p><p></p><p>I don't think putting her up in a hotel and allowing her a pass on the check **** is so good....no maam. I think it stinks to high hog heaven....because I am NOT sure-------that those two checks aren't still out there. SO I would PAY to have a STOP PAYMENT PUT on both of the missing numbers......I would ALSO check ALL OF MY BOOKS AND CHECK FOR EACH AND EVERY SEQUENTIAL NUMBER ONE BY ONE>>> THIS IS A TACTIC USED BY MY X..........and they keep the checks.........LONG into the wee months ......MAYBE the BEST THING is to cancel THAT checking account all together.....and start a new one that your daughter has ABSOLUTELY no access to. DO NOT TELL HER THAT EITHER. PAIN IN THE DONKEY ------but the more pain YOU have to go through, and the more trouble YOU are put through? GUESS WHO IS LESS LIKELY TO ALLOW DAUGHTER TO SPIT ON YOU ONE MORE TIME IN THE FUTURE>.....</p><p></p><p>OH and by the way - SHE COULD HAVE SOLD THOSE CHECKS.......for CASH TO SOMEONE ELSE WHO WILL USE THEM IN THE FUTURE........and may have paid their bills with the information.......ANOTHER TACTIC by X. </p><p></p><p>yeah.........change the account. NOW. </p><p></p><p>Let her have that job................</p><p></p><p>THen allow her to go off and mess up the rest of her life without a black mark from you ------OR any more help FROM you.....and I'd let her know THIS was really "IT". YOU ARE DONE. </p><p></p><p>Just the way I feel.......because if I realy thought that this would smack her down....and teach her something? I'd be like - SURE DO IT......but It won't. And it's just going to make YOU feel bad, (I know you). I can't see anything accomplished here - the message would be sent - sure. But she wouldn't get it. I just hope if you DON'T prosecute - YOU get MY message - NO MORE HELP.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 450575, member: 4964"] Well........Good grief I'm not wishy at all...I'm about as hard as they come and for all intents and purposes? I'm right there with Janet and Nancy - and Mrsammler. Do I think you SHOULD charge her? At 26? After all you've done? Yes. If it were anyone else in your world EXCEPT your daughter, at age WHAT?? TWENTY SIX -almost thirty? FORGING CHECKS of her parents because she KNEW you would NOT press charges? I mean - seriously Kathy WHAT was the BIG deal that she couldn't pick up the phone and call you in HI and say "Mom, I'm really sorry, but I know you trusted me to stay here, and I've snooped through and rifled through ALL of your drawers, and broken your trust searching for XYZ which in my opinion is RIDICULOUS ----and THAT alone would have set my hair on fire...but what and why couldn't she just be a woman and say "I need a loan can you help?" Nope - she took a check book and pealed herself out a few checks, and then when she got caught? "OH I'm going to kill myself." OMG I would have been so furious I would have been shoving pills IN her mouth and probably gone to jail instead of her FOR abuse." PUll THAT **** on me...(in a whiney voice ---I'm suicidal watch me I want to die...whaaaa) ---Fine I'll help you then----open your pie hole---I've got some junk here that should turn your hair green for at least ten years and make your nose big like Dumbos." UGH. Lets PLAY! HOWEVER.......ONCE I calm down? It occurs to me that there is a part of me.....that thinks....AHHHHH I've already turned my kid in for felony thinking it would make a huge change in his life. It would allow law enforcement to step in and show him how serious everyone involved was. What it did was make a complete freaking mess of his life, mylife, our life. And all it did in the end? Was ruin everything. He quit school, he never got his GED because he was so busy trying to work part time jobs to pay for all his fines, probation, and fees for court that he NEVER had time for school. OR GED. He couldn't get a decent job because of the felony, and eventually said SCREW IT - I'm a felon - I can't even get a job at Arbys, Walmart -or Burger King - and now is living by his wits. So while the Tough Love - aspect of "AVAST YE _ SEND HER TO JAIL AND TEACH HER A LESSON" sounds so tough and lessony? You want opinions? I'm giving you mine. - put your checks in the safe with the rest of the junk you don't want her to get ahold of. Put better locks on the doors and change them ALL.....glass block on the basement windows - should cost around $500. WELL WORTH IT.....with vent windows for ventilation.....or do it yourself for around $400. Make a pact with your husband RIGHT NOW - that she is ABSOLUTELY ON HER LAST ---WE TOLD YOU SO....and let her go get the job as a hair dresser to make it on her own. THen TOUGH LOVE IT from here. IF she's 26.....and hasn't learned ANYTHING from you yet???? She's NOT going to learn it from you now. Sorry all -----I just don't think ONE tough love lesson this late is going to change the pot/kettle situation or make a life altering hit the bottom of the ditch for her. She in my humble opinion is going to continue to do what she has been doing - all along for 26 years ----BUT at least if you do NOT send her to jail? YOU are NOT the reason she "I COULDN"T MAKE IT BECAUSE YOU MADE ME A FELON" and add one more stir to your pot of misery. I would however find myself a therapist Kathy and work with them to DETACH DETACH DETACH from her RIDICULOUS BS....and tell myself that THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE FINAL AND LAST STRAW FOREVER AMEN.....and don't let yourself be knived by her stories anymore. NO MATTER WHAT. THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE FINAL BLOW for YOU.....not necessarily HER......BUT YOU. I don't think putting her up in a hotel and allowing her a pass on the check **** is so good....no maam. I think it stinks to high hog heaven....because I am NOT sure-------that those two checks aren't still out there. SO I would PAY to have a STOP PAYMENT PUT on both of the missing numbers......I would ALSO check ALL OF MY BOOKS AND CHECK FOR EACH AND EVERY SEQUENTIAL NUMBER ONE BY ONE>>> THIS IS A TACTIC USED BY MY X..........and they keep the checks.........LONG into the wee months ......MAYBE the BEST THING is to cancel THAT checking account all together.....and start a new one that your daughter has ABSOLUTELY no access to. DO NOT TELL HER THAT EITHER. PAIN IN THE DONKEY ------but the more pain YOU have to go through, and the more trouble YOU are put through? GUESS WHO IS LESS LIKELY TO ALLOW DAUGHTER TO SPIT ON YOU ONE MORE TIME IN THE FUTURE>..... OH and by the way - SHE COULD HAVE SOLD THOSE CHECKS.......for CASH TO SOMEONE ELSE WHO WILL USE THEM IN THE FUTURE........and may have paid their bills with the information.......ANOTHER TACTIC by X. yeah.........change the account. NOW. Let her have that job................ THen allow her to go off and mess up the rest of her life without a black mark from you ------OR any more help FROM you.....and I'd let her know THIS was really "IT". YOU ARE DONE. Just the way I feel.......because if I realy thought that this would smack her down....and teach her something? I'd be like - SURE DO IT......but It won't. And it's just going to make YOU feel bad, (I know you). I can't see anything accomplished here - the message would be sent - sure. But she wouldn't get it. I just hope if you DON'T prosecute - YOU get MY message - NO MORE HELP. [/QUOTE]
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