I'm back. Things are bad.

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by elizabrary, Nov 11, 2018.

  1. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    Hello Everyone- I used to be fairly active on the Parent Emeritus forum, but got away from it. My daughter Kat has been quite the challenge since she was a child. She had my granddaughter when she was 19 and continued her partying ways, moved away with some guy she met on the internet, had a breakdown, etc. About 2 years ago she called me crying and said she thought she needed to quit drinking. I left work and took her immediately to a meeting. She stayed sober for about 18 months, went to counseling, took medications for her depression and anxiety, re-enrolled in community college. Our relationship improved dramatically. For whatever reason about 5 months ago she went on a bender. She called me after and I encouraged her to get back to meetings, talk to her counselor, etc. She did none of those things and has been on a downward spiral ever since. She started getting my granddaughter to school late on a regular basis, didn't provide support for her homework, which KK needs as she is not a natural scholar, got to work late. I have no idea if she's even continuing her college classes. She got a new boyfriend (which could have been good, as her former one was not good) and devotes a majority of her time to him. He's not the best- try not to be shocked. I finally called CPS, which really set her off as she knew it was me. But whatever, don't be an idiot and I won't call CPS, who I know won't even do anything, but maybe it will scare her into actually taking care of her child.
    I could go on and on, but at any rate of course this is driving me crazy. I went to a few Al Anon meetings, but they just weren't for me. I need a group where people talk about their issues and others give constructive feedback, which wasn't my experience at Al Anon. My stress level is through the roof because of my worry about my granddaughter. I have found positive energy and interactions here in the past, so here I am again! If anyone has had a better experience with Al Anon, please share. And anyone struggling with the grandparent thing- please give me words of wisdom. I will take any and all advice, thoughtful words, etc. I'm losing it.
  2. LeaMac

    LeaMac New Member

    Hi Eliz,
    Sorry things have unraveled for you and your daughter. It is so very hard to get our hopes up only to have our kids relapse. I just this morning disconnected the home phone so I would not have to receive her demanding, outraged calls. My daughter had a baby over a year ago, even though she had no significant other, no money, no job, or place to live. So we refused to get involved, knowing things would quickly go south and we would be at ground zero of the crises. The child is now in foster care and daughter is on the streets. Again.

    I too did not feel comfortable at AlAnon. This site has provided much more support and comfort, as well as seeing a therapist. Thanks to both I have been able to detach and work on living a happy enriching life.

    I can imagine your stress over your granddaughter. Before our daughters child was placed in foster care, we were also deeply concerned about him. While we didn’t get involved in his care, we gave her money, diapers, food, etc, though now we realize most of that was channeled into buying drugs. I think you were right to call CPS.

    Hopefully you will get additional advice from others about the grandchild scenario. I have no other experience along those lines. Except how much it all hurts. Hope you can find some measure of peace today, do something for yourself. I come here often to reread people urging detachment and self-care. It helps with the guilt I feel, even though I know we did our very best as parents to give her a good childhood. Something went suddenly wrong around age 14. Wish I knew the answers.

    Anyway, sending you hugs and wishes for better days to come.
  3. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    Thanks for your words, LeaMac. I used to give my daughter money for things for my granddaughter, but quickly learned that was an endless black leading to no place good. Now I buy specifically what my granddaughter needs and give it to her. Fortunately she depends on me for help with childcare, and I am happy to provide that as it give me time with KK and I can get an idea how she's doing. It's a tough road.
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    FYI, it's AlAnon's policy not to have "cross talk". It's a safe place to share, vent, cry...but they don't tell you what to do, where to set your boundaries, etc. sometimes after the meetings I go to, people might suggest the names of therapists they found helpful, or rehabs, etc.

    The article on detachment that can be found on this forum is the best advice I've read. I try reading daily during the difficult times.

  5. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Relapse has gor to be the hardest thing to go through. They have let you see how well ad wonderful their life can be and yet they submit to their addiction and drag us down the rabbit hole again.

    I do hope things improve.
  6. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry you are going through this.

    LBL, do please give us an update!!!