I got in touch with her aunt and grandma on her father's side. They acted really excited about reconnecting with her. She even wrote to them. She was NOT consumed with it, thank god, but I'm still upset. Now they want her to have contact with her birthfather. He is in jail. He has been in jail for years for drugs and the stuff that drugs make you do. He has done armed robbery once. He has stolen a vehicle. He has gotten into altercations, but most of it is drug related. He is a serious addict. I didn't realize it, but aunt, my go-to person, wanted my daughter to reconnect with her "Father." I don't think so. Meanwhile on the birthmother side... I found her birthmother. She had been in the picture for a few years and it was supposed to be an open adoption. When she was dating an African-American man (really neat guy) she was involved with our daughter. She even promised daughter could be in their wedding as the flower girl. Then they split up and she never called us. And she married the father of her son, who she did not give up for adoption. She is still married to him. My sister called birthmothers house for me on my daughter's behalf about a month ago. Her hub answered, but she wouldnt' come to the phone once she heard what it was about. Sister said she could hear her in the background going, "No, no. Say no." Later, I got an e-mail from her hub that said she knew how to contact me. She never did and daughter really wants to meet her again. I can't tell her that her birthmother wouldn't come to the phone and hasn't contacted me. I can't even tell her we know where she is because then she may want to write or call. Good god, I keep getting told by birthparents how much they want to see their children that they gave up for adoption. Well, apparently NOT ALWAYS. And if the aunt and grandmother don't want to see her unless she sees her felon father, how much do they care about her? They're putting him first. I'm so done with doing this. My daughter can do it when she's older and I'll help her, but *I'm* not ready for the emotional roller coaster so I'm sure a twelve year old couldn't deal with this. Right now, color me stunned My daughter is a great kid. She got some good genes...SOMEWHERE!