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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 120019" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>hi,</p><p></p><p>thanks. it is hard. its really hard sometimes. i hurt when she hurts, i used to be able to shut it down and move forward set aside the cry time. today i just lost it. last night was rough with her her anxiety level was through rough over school today and watching her cringe and cry and beg and plead sat with her for hour last night doing visualization and breathing. she's my baby and i'd give anything to have her experience things in a calmer more controller manner. school assures me pushing her in everyday is what she needs, that she isnt' crying through hallways she's trying to cope. she amazes me each and everyday her strength astounds me. she is everything good and then some. my kids hold my heart, i get the most incredible amt of pleasure knowing their happy when their happy it makes me happy.</p><p></p><p>i'm still crying 5 hours later, on and off. he left for a while to go to gym to give me sometime alone. he tried to talk to me to get me to go to gym with him i'm in cocooning mode now this is what i do whne i'm scared i fold up into little ball so to speak. i'm so tired i sleep and wkae and feel like i got no sleep. it's crazy.</p><p></p><p>i'm sorry that you too are having a rough morning, i'm usually ok wtih it and can bounce on train hour into city go to work i couldn't today it's as if everything stopped.</p><p></p><p>i remember the simple days of lollipops and afternoons on beach when her biggest worry was if i'd let her stay up late and have a snack. when i could sit with her and dig a hole on beach and she would be happy. when she looked in the mirror and saw what i did a pretty sweet funny little girl. she told me today when she looks in the mirror all she sees is someone else a happy girl that is pretty that she wants to be.</p><p></p><p>she said she doens't know why she's here sometimes. she was very serious when she said it too. mental health such a grey area. i function well in the solution not so good in the grey area like i have been for too long. </p><p></p><p>i'm just tired today hungry but don't want to eat, i wnat to get in my truck wtih both of my kids and disappear for a while just us no one else no pressure, no reality just us. that's whta i think of doing when i'm scared and frustrated nad have had enough i want to bolt.</p><p></p><p>being here has helped and iknow there are so many others that are having a harder time than i. i almost feel guillty adn wrong for breaking down. see i get afraid though i'm all seh's got her dad is hte fun guy every other weekend movies and sugar and late nights he'll never do what i do. tha'Tourette's Syndrome why it's so important for me to stay ok right now.</p><p></p><p>hugs to all i'm sure i'll be posting again this seems to bring me down a little</p><p></p><p>weird though usually after i cry i'm better. today i didn't click back yet still freezing cold have the shakes and heads a little cloudy. wiating for dr.s office to open to get me someme'ds i'm done with the natural appraoch i need help</p><p></p><p>jen</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 120019, member: 4514"] hi, thanks. it is hard. its really hard sometimes. i hurt when she hurts, i used to be able to shut it down and move forward set aside the cry time. today i just lost it. last night was rough with her her anxiety level was through rough over school today and watching her cringe and cry and beg and plead sat with her for hour last night doing visualization and breathing. she's my baby and i'd give anything to have her experience things in a calmer more controller manner. school assures me pushing her in everyday is what she needs, that she isnt' crying through hallways she's trying to cope. she amazes me each and everyday her strength astounds me. she is everything good and then some. my kids hold my heart, i get the most incredible amt of pleasure knowing their happy when their happy it makes me happy. i'm still crying 5 hours later, on and off. he left for a while to go to gym to give me sometime alone. he tried to talk to me to get me to go to gym with him i'm in cocooning mode now this is what i do whne i'm scared i fold up into little ball so to speak. i'm so tired i sleep and wkae and feel like i got no sleep. it's crazy. i'm sorry that you too are having a rough morning, i'm usually ok wtih it and can bounce on train hour into city go to work i couldn't today it's as if everything stopped. i remember the simple days of lollipops and afternoons on beach when her biggest worry was if i'd let her stay up late and have a snack. when i could sit with her and dig a hole on beach and she would be happy. when she looked in the mirror and saw what i did a pretty sweet funny little girl. she told me today when she looks in the mirror all she sees is someone else a happy girl that is pretty that she wants to be. she said she doens't know why she's here sometimes. she was very serious when she said it too. mental health such a grey area. i function well in the solution not so good in the grey area like i have been for too long. i'm just tired today hungry but don't want to eat, i wnat to get in my truck wtih both of my kids and disappear for a while just us no one else no pressure, no reality just us. that's whta i think of doing when i'm scared and frustrated nad have had enough i want to bolt. being here has helped and iknow there are so many others that are having a harder time than i. i almost feel guillty adn wrong for breaking down. see i get afraid though i'm all seh's got her dad is hte fun guy every other weekend movies and sugar and late nights he'll never do what i do. tha'Tourette's Syndrome why it's so important for me to stay ok right now. hugs to all i'm sure i'll be posting again this seems to bring me down a little weird though usually after i cry i'm better. today i didn't click back yet still freezing cold have the shakes and heads a little cloudy. wiating for dr.s office to open to get me someme'ds i'm done with the natural appraoch i need help jen [/QUOTE]
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