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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 120039" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>ok that was sweet and made me cry again......LOL and i just got myself contained....ugh!! </p><p></p><p>yup im worn out i'm tired and in desperate need of a break. i see my therapist regularly and i am going to doctor today to get me some drugs. i really am a healthy person i want you to know. it took years to get where i am yet i know i have alot more growing and learning to do. i just feel like lately watching her go through this i'm not living im just surviving i used to live.</p><p></p><p>i think he got so scared today when he saw me that way, he didn't know what to do. he thought he'd do the whole kick me back into form thing like a drill sergeant with jen you can't do this to yourself blame yourself for stuff for her, what she goes through it's not your fault your doing all you can. i just shot him a look like sorry buddy pep speech isnt' gonig to happen today. he got softer quieter and then just hugged me leaned his hand over onto my face and said she's lucky to have you, your a great mom and she will be ok in time. then he said i'm a jerk (his famous) words i'm too opinionated i tell you lies when i know you'll get mad because i don't want you mad at me, i've made a million mistakes and dont' blame you for kick ing me to curb but regardless i'm going to be here for you and her whatever it takes for however long it takes i'm not afraid of what she has ill try not to get so upset when i don't agree, or when you ramble on and i need a breather.</p><p></p><p>i said i have no idea i can only focus on one thing right now ther'es too much in my head i can only focus on the girls right now tha'Tourette's Syndrome all i have. </p><p></p><p>i just need to be quiet for a while, it's weird never been this bad before but when you get this bad the simple things seem like so much more. a quiet house to sit in right now he left for while, i needed him to go away. the english muffin i just ate finally today the cigarette i smoked out the bathroom window. everything becomes very simplistic.</p><p></p><p>i'm not confused about what i want or even how to get there. i am confused about her, about what i see about what i don't understand. about how she looks at me like im god and keeps waiting for me to give her the "right " pill. she's so beautifu and so so sweet i absolutey adore this kid. not just cause she's mine. shes' amazing so is my older one who makes me laugh all the time. they are the reason i get up everyday. plain and simple. sorry so so emotional today wow i look scary too. his sister's a doctor so he's calling her to se if she can find out more, about other doctor's, way to get around insurance not being accepted. etc.</p><p></p><p>thanks as usual. just wish i could go on vacation with them for a few days eat well sleep late hang out with them just get out of reality for a few.</p><p></p><p>jen</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 120039, member: 4514"] ok that was sweet and made me cry again......LOL and i just got myself contained....ugh!! yup im worn out i'm tired and in desperate need of a break. i see my therapist regularly and i am going to doctor today to get me some drugs. i really am a healthy person i want you to know. it took years to get where i am yet i know i have alot more growing and learning to do. i just feel like lately watching her go through this i'm not living im just surviving i used to live. i think he got so scared today when he saw me that way, he didn't know what to do. he thought he'd do the whole kick me back into form thing like a drill sergeant with jen you can't do this to yourself blame yourself for stuff for her, what she goes through it's not your fault your doing all you can. i just shot him a look like sorry buddy pep speech isnt' gonig to happen today. he got softer quieter and then just hugged me leaned his hand over onto my face and said she's lucky to have you, your a great mom and she will be ok in time. then he said i'm a jerk (his famous) words i'm too opinionated i tell you lies when i know you'll get mad because i don't want you mad at me, i've made a million mistakes and dont' blame you for kick ing me to curb but regardless i'm going to be here for you and her whatever it takes for however long it takes i'm not afraid of what she has ill try not to get so upset when i don't agree, or when you ramble on and i need a breather. i said i have no idea i can only focus on one thing right now ther'es too much in my head i can only focus on the girls right now tha'Tourette's Syndrome all i have. i just need to be quiet for a while, it's weird never been this bad before but when you get this bad the simple things seem like so much more. a quiet house to sit in right now he left for while, i needed him to go away. the english muffin i just ate finally today the cigarette i smoked out the bathroom window. everything becomes very simplistic. i'm not confused about what i want or even how to get there. i am confused about her, about what i see about what i don't understand. about how she looks at me like im god and keeps waiting for me to give her the "right " pill. she's so beautifu and so so sweet i absolutey adore this kid. not just cause she's mine. shes' amazing so is my older one who makes me laugh all the time. they are the reason i get up everyday. plain and simple. sorry so so emotional today wow i look scary too. his sister's a doctor so he's calling her to se if she can find out more, about other doctor's, way to get around insurance not being accepted. etc. thanks as usual. just wish i could go on vacation with them for a few days eat well sleep late hang out with them just get out of reality for a few. jen [/QUOTE]
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