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The Watercooler
I'm falling
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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 187342"><p>I don't even know if I can come up with the words.</p><p></p><p>I'm so used to burying this stuff so deep down that I don't know how to express it. I try not to even acknowledge it. But, today it's acknowledging me. It's not giving me a choice. It's making it's presence known in an undeniable way. And I'm afraid it's going to win again. I'm terrified of being back in <em>that</em> place. </p><p></p><p>It's so heavy. It's oppressive and it's everywhere. I don't want to eat, I don't want to sleep, I don't want to be awake, I don't want to be seen. I want it to go away. But, it won't. </p><p></p><p>It just never ends. </p><p></p><p>I scheduled an appointment with a therapist on 9/3, but I honestly don't know what I'll say to him. I look outside and see all of this beauty, but inside all I see is darkness and despair. I find no joy. There is no peace. </p><p></p><p>I can't do this on my own again. I can't. I have to. I don't know how. Not this time. This is different. This is insidious. </p><p></p><p>I don't think it ever went away completely. I think it laid there lurking until I was weak and it saw it's opportunity.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 187342"] I don't even know if I can come up with the words. I'm so used to burying this stuff so deep down that I don't know how to express it. I try not to even acknowledge it. But, today it's acknowledging me. It's not giving me a choice. It's making it's presence known in an undeniable way. And I'm afraid it's going to win again. I'm terrified of being back in [I]that[/I] place. It's so heavy. It's oppressive and it's everywhere. I don't want to eat, I don't want to sleep, I don't want to be awake, I don't want to be seen. I want it to go away. But, it won't. It just never ends. I scheduled an appointment with a therapist on 9/3, but I honestly don't know what I'll say to him. I look outside and see all of this beauty, but inside all I see is darkness and despair. I find no joy. There is no peace. I can't do this on my own again. I can't. I have to. I don't know how. Not this time. This is different. This is insidious. I don't think it ever went away completely. I think it laid there lurking until I was weak and it saw it's opportunity. [/QUOTE]
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