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I'm going to ask some very uncomfortable questions-
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 396164" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>I think most of us have felt and thought what you are going through right now.</p><p> </p><p>My son has been in the psychiatric hospital and did very well with-their structure.</p><p> </p><p>They introduced him to clonidine, and I have to say, between regular sleep and that medication, it was the first time I'd seen difficult child smile in yrs. It was like a miracle. However, if he doesn't get sleep, and/or eats wheat, all the clonidine in the world won't help.</p><p> </p><p>I still have hopes of an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or boarding school for difficult child in HS. Frankly, just daydreaming about it keeps me sane. {blush}</p><p> </p><p>In the meantime, over the yrs, I have implemented many changes.</p><p> </p><p>1) easy child moved out to live with-a friend for 6 mo's. It was socially embarrassing but necessary for her mental health.</p><p>2) We focused on a routine for difficult child.</p><p>3) I hired tutors and also took difficult child outside the house for tutoring. I was driving everywhere with-him but I could see progress. 1-on-1 with-a pro was vital.</p><p>4) We did therapy every wk when we were in crisis, and cut back to every 2 wks when we were calmer.</p><p>5) I go to my own therapist (but haven't gone lately because I can't sit down with-this sciatica).</p><p>6) I started taking medications, which was very hard ... I wanted to think I was SuperWoman, but a friend, who has a son who is autistic and nonverbal, came into the house one a.m. when difficult child refused to get into her van, and she watched us in action. She told me not to engage him, and to get on medications, "Do whatever it takes," she said. She also told me that her husband spends way more time with-their difficult child because "he's better with-him." <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Hint.</p><p>7) I made sure that my husband was on the same page with-therapy and with-spending time with-difficult child. That took yrs. Still not perfect, but better.</p><p>8) I went to Al Anon to learn more about detachment, which I was also working on with-my therapist.</p><p>9) I followed through on rules with-difficult child no matter how huge his meltdowns; he finally realized I was more stubborn than he. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p>10) I installed locks everywhere. (Partially successful.)</p><p>11) I changed psychiatrists for difficult child ... an excellent decision, based on lack of performance, and my Mommy Gut.</p><p>12) I totally lowered my expectations when he was asked to leave 2 private schools 2 yrs in a row ... and he loves public school!</p><p>13) I put him in sports ... and took him out of sports <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p>14) I have engaged several friends and colleagues to help out; no more hiding under a rock and pretending to be The Perfect Family.</p><p>15) I have disengaged from toxic friends, or even friends who don't have children and who "don't get it." I just don't have the time right now.</p><p>16) I studied the notes on this board, and took some advice ... and ignored some, too. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> I also had to convince my husband that this board was necessary and vital and not just a daytime soap opera (see other thread about wanting to maim and murder husbands <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" />)</p><p> </p><p>Hope you get some ideas here!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 396164, member: 3419"] I think most of us have felt and thought what you are going through right now. My son has been in the psychiatric hospital and did very well with-their structure. They introduced him to clonidine, and I have to say, between regular sleep and that medication, it was the first time I'd seen difficult child smile in yrs. It was like a miracle. However, if he doesn't get sleep, and/or eats wheat, all the clonidine in the world won't help. I still have hopes of an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or boarding school for difficult child in HS. Frankly, just daydreaming about it keeps me sane. {blush} In the meantime, over the yrs, I have implemented many changes. 1) easy child moved out to live with-a friend for 6 mo's. It was socially embarrassing but necessary for her mental health. 2) We focused on a routine for difficult child. 3) I hired tutors and also took difficult child outside the house for tutoring. I was driving everywhere with-him but I could see progress. 1-on-1 with-a pro was vital. 4) We did therapy every wk when we were in crisis, and cut back to every 2 wks when we were calmer. 5) I go to my own therapist (but haven't gone lately because I can't sit down with-this sciatica). 6) I started taking medications, which was very hard ... I wanted to think I was SuperWoman, but a friend, who has a son who is autistic and nonverbal, came into the house one a.m. when difficult child refused to get into her van, and she watched us in action. She told me not to engage him, and to get on medications, "Do whatever it takes," she said. She also told me that her husband spends way more time with-their difficult child because "he's better with-him." :) Hint. 7) I made sure that my husband was on the same page with-therapy and with-spending time with-difficult child. That took yrs. Still not perfect, but better. 8) I went to Al Anon to learn more about detachment, which I was also working on with-my therapist. 9) I followed through on rules with-difficult child no matter how huge his meltdowns; he finally realized I was more stubborn than he. :) 10) I installed locks everywhere. (Partially successful.) 11) I changed psychiatrists for difficult child ... an excellent decision, based on lack of performance, and my Mommy Gut. 12) I totally lowered my expectations when he was asked to leave 2 private schools 2 yrs in a row ... and he loves public school! 13) I put him in sports ... and took him out of sports :( 14) I have engaged several friends and colleagues to help out; no more hiding under a rock and pretending to be The Perfect Family. 15) I have disengaged from toxic friends, or even friends who don't have children and who "don't get it." I just don't have the time right now. 16) I studied the notes on this board, and took some advice ... and ignored some, too. ;) I also had to convince my husband that this board was necessary and vital and not just a daytime soap opera (see other thread about wanting to maim and murder husbands ;)) Hope you get some ideas here! [/QUOTE]
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