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I'm incredibly DISTRAUGHT!!!!!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 114712" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Dear cookie monster, </p><p></p><p>Hi and welcome. Well if I had a nickel for the time = no wait I want a diamond ring - If I had a diamond ring for the time that difficult child ran away, told all his friends and their Moms that I was abusing them, managed to get to school while he had run away and told the teacher that I punched him in the eye - OH I'd have a bauble to rival Liberace! The lies were THAT big. AND I got the same treatment on the phone from the principal, teacher and resource officer (whom by the way I felt was least resourceful of all - and a cop to boot that checked no clues out) that your daughter did on line. </p><p></p><p>First of all - if you aren't guilty of doing those things - You aren't. My son told the cop at school that I punched him in the eye on a Monday and we went to the school Tuesday - I'm 5'8", my father was a Golden Gloves boxer - I boxed for a while, I was a body builder. To see me, greet me is to know better about my supposed lack of control. I asked the cop 5'1" what she heard, and she told me that I hit him. My DF stepped in and said "Lady I mean you NO disrespect, but this is Wednesday he said she hit him on Monday - and I'm going to tell you if THAT woman hits you, you aren't going to walk away without a black eye or worse. LOOK at her - 240lbs 5'8" and not a mean bone in her body, but if she hit you you would know it." My son ALSO told them I burned his clothes, and threw away his school books. I handed them the books so we wouldn't have to pay fines, and then we took him to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - his exact comment when we said "Where would you like to go (meaning home) was - ANYWHERE BUT HOME WITH YOU. So we obliged. He called me two weeks later - with the "Hi Momma - and can I have some clothes?" I said "I burned your clothes remember?" The counselor got on the phone and asked me for some clothes for him - and I told HER the same thing. Then I said - he told school officials - police, friends, neighbors that I blacked his eye, burned his clothes, and threw out his books - I WANT A WRITTEN APOLOGY to GO WITH THE STATEMENTS that I HAD to give the school, the cops, the counselor - and almost DSS...because of his crip-crappy lies. Before he got any clothes? I got my written apology - copied it and sent it to everyone except his friends. </p><p></p><p>The lesson there is DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT - print out the email and take it to your therapist, discuss it. LET SOMEONE ELSE KNOW YOU DID NOT LAY A HAND ON THAT CHILD. </p><p></p><p>The fact that she's reaching out - good job for her - BUT why not make her go to a therapy session? I see the therapist says don't force her - but she wouldn't HAVE to go in and talk - she can take a book and sit in the waiting room. It's what we did to ease our son into therapy - and one night - we went - and the therapist got a cue from me and started asking difficult child some basic things - like "Gosh you seem really agitated tonight - care to tell me what's wrong?" and this gave my son the opportunity to "unload" and start in on how much we stunk, smelled, etc.." and from there the therapist said "Well come in here - let's not talk out here - and from there - it went well on and off for years." Some nights they just played checkers - some nights Dude sat in the chair and said nothing - but we got him in the habit of Thursday at 7:00 is YOUR time to be HERE (at therapist) </p><p></p><p>I would also suggest since your partner is computer savy - maybe a program like Net Nanny - NOT to do anything other than cover your behind. </p><p></p><p>The fact that she's reaching out is good - to me the idea that she is making stuff SOUND worse to others SCREAMS "I WANT TO PLAY THE ROLE OF THE VICTIM - PITY ME - LOOK HOW AWFUL MY LIFE IS." And you are dealing with a manipulative little brain - that doesn't have YOUR interests at heart. </p><p></p><p>I also NEVER cried in front of my son or got emotional after a period of time - I learned to walk away, lock my door, and turn him off and out - Not that it is not good to cry - but don't ever let HER see you do it - they feed off the emotion and feel as though they won. And a difficult child/CD/ODD kid - LOVES to win. And when you cry - well to them that's just about the worst thing you can make a human do. Fighting back and acknowledging they exist when they are being rude runs a close 2nd. </p><p></p><p>Come back often - hope you found something in this post that will help. Keep going to therapy. Get copies of her correspondence - and keep /start a file /log of incidents and the outcome. </p><p></p><p>Best of luck </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 114712, member: 4964"] Dear cookie monster, Hi and welcome. Well if I had a nickel for the time = no wait I want a diamond ring - If I had a diamond ring for the time that difficult child ran away, told all his friends and their Moms that I was abusing them, managed to get to school while he had run away and told the teacher that I punched him in the eye - OH I'd have a bauble to rival Liberace! The lies were THAT big. AND I got the same treatment on the phone from the principal, teacher and resource officer (whom by the way I felt was least resourceful of all - and a cop to boot that checked no clues out) that your daughter did on line. First of all - if you aren't guilty of doing those things - You aren't. My son told the cop at school that I punched him in the eye on a Monday and we went to the school Tuesday - I'm 5'8", my father was a Golden Gloves boxer - I boxed for a while, I was a body builder. To see me, greet me is to know better about my supposed lack of control. I asked the cop 5'1" what she heard, and she told me that I hit him. My DF stepped in and said "Lady I mean you NO disrespect, but this is Wednesday he said she hit him on Monday - and I'm going to tell you if THAT woman hits you, you aren't going to walk away without a black eye or worse. LOOK at her - 240lbs 5'8" and not a mean bone in her body, but if she hit you you would know it." My son ALSO told them I burned his clothes, and threw away his school books. I handed them the books so we wouldn't have to pay fines, and then we took him to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - his exact comment when we said "Where would you like to go (meaning home) was - ANYWHERE BUT HOME WITH YOU. So we obliged. He called me two weeks later - with the "Hi Momma - and can I have some clothes?" I said "I burned your clothes remember?" The counselor got on the phone and asked me for some clothes for him - and I told HER the same thing. Then I said - he told school officials - police, friends, neighbors that I blacked his eye, burned his clothes, and threw out his books - I WANT A WRITTEN APOLOGY to GO WITH THE STATEMENTS that I HAD to give the school, the cops, the counselor - and almost DSS...because of his crip-crappy lies. Before he got any clothes? I got my written apology - copied it and sent it to everyone except his friends. The lesson there is DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT - print out the email and take it to your therapist, discuss it. LET SOMEONE ELSE KNOW YOU DID NOT LAY A HAND ON THAT CHILD. The fact that she's reaching out - good job for her - BUT why not make her go to a therapy session? I see the therapist says don't force her - but she wouldn't HAVE to go in and talk - she can take a book and sit in the waiting room. It's what we did to ease our son into therapy - and one night - we went - and the therapist got a cue from me and started asking difficult child some basic things - like "Gosh you seem really agitated tonight - care to tell me what's wrong?" and this gave my son the opportunity to "unload" and start in on how much we stunk, smelled, etc.." and from there the therapist said "Well come in here - let's not talk out here - and from there - it went well on and off for years." Some nights they just played checkers - some nights Dude sat in the chair and said nothing - but we got him in the habit of Thursday at 7:00 is YOUR time to be HERE (at therapist) I would also suggest since your partner is computer savy - maybe a program like Net Nanny - NOT to do anything other than cover your behind. The fact that she's reaching out is good - to me the idea that she is making stuff SOUND worse to others SCREAMS "I WANT TO PLAY THE ROLE OF THE VICTIM - PITY ME - LOOK HOW AWFUL MY LIFE IS." And you are dealing with a manipulative little brain - that doesn't have YOUR interests at heart. I also NEVER cried in front of my son or got emotional after a period of time - I learned to walk away, lock my door, and turn him off and out - Not that it is not good to cry - but don't ever let HER see you do it - they feed off the emotion and feel as though they won. And a difficult child/CD/ODD kid - LOVES to win. And when you cry - well to them that's just about the worst thing you can make a human do. Fighting back and acknowledging they exist when they are being rude runs a close 2nd. Come back often - hope you found something in this post that will help. Keep going to therapy. Get copies of her correspondence - and keep /start a file /log of incidents and the outcome. Best of luck Star [/QUOTE]
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