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i'm learning....... slowly
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 425132" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>First off? You were up at WHAT TIME? with what? anxiety? Over this? Girlfriend! Seriously!!!!! ?????!!!!!!!! </p><p> </p><p>If difficult child child were not your child - and she did all the things to you she has done? Would you loose sleep over it? OMG. I think if there were rules of detachment? The first one would need to be - pretend your kid is NOT your kid, because when they treat you like absolute crud, wipe their feet on you like a door mat, and choose - CHOOSE to treat you like a dishrag they wipe their hiney with? You shouldn't treat them with hugs and kisses and hearts and candy and birthday presents and mwah mwha mwah what can I do to fix your life sweet child? PHOOEY. You treat me like smackadoodle? I can be the adult here and I'm not going to fling poo in your face, but I'm sure not going to kiss your butt. YOU TREAT ME BAD? I'm NOT TREATING YOU AT ALL. </p><p> </p><p>Next - And I want you to think about this - since you seem to CHOOSE to be up at 4AM - I mean unless you like the attention of back rubs that lead to that TV commercial bathtub 'spontaneous' time - Know what I mean?? (not my business) but SINCE WHEN??? AT ANYTIME.....EVER....EVER........EVER.....name me one time......(I'll wait) DID WORRYING and fretting, and twisting your hands, and sighing, and crying, and sobbing, and being anxiety ridden - EVER change the outcome of a situation? EVER? DID worrying about your child till 4AM - EVER make her better? Did telling her "I was up till 4AM worring about you and crying, throwing up, sobbing into MY pillow!" make her go "OMG Mommy I'm so sorry, I'll change and never do that again?!" UGH pleaaaaaase. No. NEVER. If it did? The first tear you shed would have prevented her from EVER repeating bad behaviors. SO - WHO is all this anxiety about NOT giving this ungrateful brat a BIRTHDAY present HURTING? ........Oh yes that's right - the child who moved out - called you names, demands you jump through firely hoops, calls someone else MOTHER - and tells you to stick it where the sun can't shine, doesn't obey you, disrupts your family, makes living with your other children harder by her absense, isn't setting a great role model for her siblings, doesn't HELP you around the house because you are too sick and weak to do housework, yet demands money out of you - and STILL YOU WANT TO BUY HER A GIFT? OMG if you do I swear I'll drive up there and personally put my foot in your .......ice cream cake. </p><p> </p><p>You want her to know you mean business? You want her to know that SHE IS NOT THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD? You want her to KNOW what it's like to HURT someones feelings to the point that she shouldn't DO IT AGAIN?" </p><p> </p><p>DO NOT get her a cake, do NOT get her a present - and TAKE MARCIES advice ........it's GOLDEN - ABSOLUTE PLATINUM - TELL HER _ I'm angry, I feel USED - you made your choices on where you wanted to live - TODAY IS MOTHER's DAY - and I'm spending it with the children that chose to honor me as MOTHER. I didn't buy you a birthday present because I just didn't want to - you've been mean, ugly and people like that don't get presents from me. When you start treating me nice? Maybe I'll have a reason to celebrate you. Until then - Not likely. </p><p> </p><p>UGH - </p><p>AND MEAN IT. YOU STAND THERE - LIKE YOU ARE LOOKING THROUGH HER. Do you know how many holidays I had to do this with DUDE in order to get it through his thick skull that the world did NOT revolve around HIM and that there were OTHER people in it? LOADS and LOADS.......but by the time he was L's age? MY TEARS HAD DRIED UP because if they see you cry? THEY OWN YOU. </p><p> </p><p>And my Mom and Marcies Mom probably could have been sisters. There is ABSOLUTELY no gray area with My Mom. If I acted ONE time with MY mom in my LIFE like L acts with you? I would have been out for holidays for YEARS. And she wouldn't have cared if I had "problems" or not. Trust me - I had problems. lol </p><p> </p><p>Hugs -</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 425132, member: 4964"] First off? You were up at WHAT TIME? with what? anxiety? Over this? Girlfriend! Seriously!!!!! ?????!!!!!!!! If difficult child child were not your child - and she did all the things to you she has done? Would you loose sleep over it? OMG. I think if there were rules of detachment? The first one would need to be - pretend your kid is NOT your kid, because when they treat you like absolute crud, wipe their feet on you like a door mat, and choose - CHOOSE to treat you like a dishrag they wipe their hiney with? You shouldn't treat them with hugs and kisses and hearts and candy and birthday presents and mwah mwha mwah what can I do to fix your life sweet child? PHOOEY. You treat me like smackadoodle? I can be the adult here and I'm not going to fling poo in your face, but I'm sure not going to kiss your butt. YOU TREAT ME BAD? I'm NOT TREATING YOU AT ALL. Next - And I want you to think about this - since you seem to CHOOSE to be up at 4AM - I mean unless you like the attention of back rubs that lead to that TV commercial bathtub 'spontaneous' time - Know what I mean?? (not my business) but SINCE WHEN??? AT ANYTIME.....EVER....EVER........EVER.....name me one time......(I'll wait) DID WORRYING and fretting, and twisting your hands, and sighing, and crying, and sobbing, and being anxiety ridden - EVER change the outcome of a situation? EVER? DID worrying about your child till 4AM - EVER make her better? Did telling her "I was up till 4AM worring about you and crying, throwing up, sobbing into MY pillow!" make her go "OMG Mommy I'm so sorry, I'll change and never do that again?!" UGH pleaaaaaase. No. NEVER. If it did? The first tear you shed would have prevented her from EVER repeating bad behaviors. SO - WHO is all this anxiety about NOT giving this ungrateful brat a BIRTHDAY present HURTING? ........Oh yes that's right - the child who moved out - called you names, demands you jump through firely hoops, calls someone else MOTHER - and tells you to stick it where the sun can't shine, doesn't obey you, disrupts your family, makes living with your other children harder by her absense, isn't setting a great role model for her siblings, doesn't HELP you around the house because you are too sick and weak to do housework, yet demands money out of you - and STILL YOU WANT TO BUY HER A GIFT? OMG if you do I swear I'll drive up there and personally put my foot in your .......ice cream cake. You want her to know you mean business? You want her to know that SHE IS NOT THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD? You want her to KNOW what it's like to HURT someones feelings to the point that she shouldn't DO IT AGAIN?" DO NOT get her a cake, do NOT get her a present - and TAKE MARCIES advice ........it's GOLDEN - ABSOLUTE PLATINUM - TELL HER _ I'm angry, I feel USED - you made your choices on where you wanted to live - TODAY IS MOTHER's DAY - and I'm spending it with the children that chose to honor me as MOTHER. I didn't buy you a birthday present because I just didn't want to - you've been mean, ugly and people like that don't get presents from me. When you start treating me nice? Maybe I'll have a reason to celebrate you. Until then - Not likely. UGH - AND MEAN IT. YOU STAND THERE - LIKE YOU ARE LOOKING THROUGH HER. Do you know how many holidays I had to do this with DUDE in order to get it through his thick skull that the world did NOT revolve around HIM and that there were OTHER people in it? LOADS and LOADS.......but by the time he was L's age? MY TEARS HAD DRIED UP because if they see you cry? THEY OWN YOU. And my Mom and Marcies Mom probably could have been sisters. There is ABSOLUTELY no gray area with My Mom. If I acted ONE time with MY mom in my LIFE like L acts with you? I would have been out for holidays for YEARS. And she wouldn't have cared if I had "problems" or not. Trust me - I had problems. lol Hugs - [/QUOTE]
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