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I'm new here- 18 yr old son- 5150 extended 14 days for first time-desperate mom
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 715876" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>What a sad mess. I suspect its the drugs...and his age. And divorce also causes rifts and often the kids take sides and it isnt always fair. It is not always with the kibder parent who was always there. Logically it should be, but often its not.</p><p></p><p>Your son is an adult under the law. You cant save him. I think its best to give him space. There is little to nothing you can do until he wants to quit all drugs and see you again. Does it make sense? Probably to him, in his drugged mind although he is forced to be sober for this short time. He has used drugs for at least a few years most likely. Addiction is a stand alone mrntal illness. It makes one crazy, mean, immoral, totally different from before.</p><p></p><p>Your son is in a mess that only he himself can choose to change. It is common for addicts to blame one or both parents for their problems. They sure dont want to blame themselves...</p><p></p><p>I am sad for you, but you have two daughters who need a functional mother. Dont let your son consume you over the girls.</p><p></p><p>Relationships with parents commonly change as the kids get older and not always for the better. The boy at 14 who happily told Mom everything may feel he needs space from Mom at 18. And boys do need a father. Your ex sounds awful, but he is the only father your son has. It is often easier for the parent of the same gender to relate to grown kids, although there are no guarantees.</p><p></p><p>One last thought. If son feels anger at you hearing about him from girlfriend, if itwere me I would not talk to her. That only angers him and causes worse alienation. Son will tell you what he wants you to know. Or not. Its really up to him. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for your sad heart. Try being good to yourself and keep going to therapy. You have done all you can. Your son at least is being protected in the hospital. Hugs!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 715876, member: 1550"] What a sad mess. I suspect its the drugs...and his age. And divorce also causes rifts and often the kids take sides and it isnt always fair. It is not always with the kibder parent who was always there. Logically it should be, but often its not. Your son is an adult under the law. You cant save him. I think its best to give him space. There is little to nothing you can do until he wants to quit all drugs and see you again. Does it make sense? Probably to him, in his drugged mind although he is forced to be sober for this short time. He has used drugs for at least a few years most likely. Addiction is a stand alone mrntal illness. It makes one crazy, mean, immoral, totally different from before. Your son is in a mess that only he himself can choose to change. It is common for addicts to blame one or both parents for their problems. They sure dont want to blame themselves... I am sad for you, but you have two daughters who need a functional mother. Dont let your son consume you over the girls. Relationships with parents commonly change as the kids get older and not always for the better. The boy at 14 who happily told Mom everything may feel he needs space from Mom at 18. And boys do need a father. Your ex sounds awful, but he is the only father your son has. It is often easier for the parent of the same gender to relate to grown kids, although there are no guarantees. One last thought. If son feels anger at you hearing about him from girlfriend, if itwere me I would not talk to her. That only angers him and causes worse alienation. Son will tell you what he wants you to know. Or not. Its really up to him. I am so sorry for your sad heart. Try being good to yourself and keep going to therapy. You have done all you can. Your son at least is being protected in the hospital. Hugs!! [/QUOTE]
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I'm new here- 18 yr old son- 5150 extended 14 days for first time-desperate mom
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