Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I'm not sure if I'm doing this right.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 156342" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>What is SUPPOSED to happen, is that with time and using this method, the child DOES begin to learn personal responsibility, often a lot sooner than they would have otherwise. However, they may not learn it as fast as a easy child would. Do you follow me?</p><p></p><p>With a difficult child, we're beating our heads against the wall. They do take longer to learn to fend for themselves, and to learn tot behave appropriately. If we try the usual discipline methods on them, it takes even longer and we deal with some horrible behaviours as well.</p><p></p><p>BUT - "Explosive Child" methods DO make it easier than it would be otherwise, to get them to where they are supposed to eventually be - happy, productive, tax-paying and independent adults.</p><p></p><p>Yes, we go through a stage of walking on egg-shells, or feeling like we're living in a war zone. But they have more chance of getting the message if they're not being oppositional because they're angry or frustrated.</p><p></p><p>As they learn, we move behaviours around the baskets. For example, difficult child 3 now does his schoolwork with determination. He doesn't try to be sneaky and get out of his work as soon as my back is turned. I can trust him to be motivated to work. However, he does have days when he is more distractible. That's just how he is. But knowing this, changes how I handle it. I no longer have to nag him, "Get back to your work! I know you're sneaking comic books inside your text!"</p><p>If I tried talking to him like that, chances are he WOULD start sneaking comic books inside his test.</p><p>However, I DO have to keep him on task sometimes, by saying, "It's almost midday, how close are you to finishing that first task? Remember, the target is two worksheets a day. Is there a problem you need to discuss with me, or maybe ring your teacher about?"</p><p></p><p>We've already won the battle about getting him to have a go, and to have a good work ethic. He is working independently, he is now highly motivated. HE is the one working, I am no longer pushing him to work.</p><p></p><p>But other areas - he has daily chores, he still needs reminding. Once reminded, he does them willingly. This too is an improvement. IN the past, pre-Explosive Child, I would say to him, "It's time to feed the chickens," and he would blow up at me. Then I changed tack and would say, "I know you're watching your favourite cartoon, but at the next ad break will you please go and feed the chickens? You can be done before the show is back on. I will call you if you're not." </p><p>With time, he learned that I WOULD support his cartoon-watching, as long as he did the right thing by me and did his share of the work. He learned that I was respecting his choices, as long as he respected my requests.</p><p></p><p>Now, I just say, "Have you fed the chickens yet?" and he either goes immediately, or says, "I'll be ready to do it in a few minutes." If he leaves it too long, I remind him and say, "Did you forget? Do you need me to remind you? Or can you pause that game for the few minutes this job will take?"</p><p></p><p>The flip-side of this, is when HE asks ME for something, such as a sandwich or a drink, and I say to him, "I'm busy this minute, I'll be able to do it for you when I've done this job," he no longer hassles me. He knows from experience that I give him leeway, so he now gives me leeway. Maybe not as much as I would like sometimes, but far more than if we had never tried this.</p><p></p><p>We see improvement in other areas too, which we didn't realise we were influencing. difficult child 3 is now much more patient with other people. mother in law sometimes hassles him, and difficult child 3 no longer shouts at her or gets loudly angry, even if we can see the signs that he's feeling frustrated. For him, this is a huge improvement.</p><p></p><p>So don't get too depressed at what seems to be your child being dependent on you keeping things calm. It does get better, and it does lead to a faster improvement than you would get otherwise.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 156342, member: 1991"] What is SUPPOSED to happen, is that with time and using this method, the child DOES begin to learn personal responsibility, often a lot sooner than they would have otherwise. However, they may not learn it as fast as a easy child would. Do you follow me? With a difficult child, we're beating our heads against the wall. They do take longer to learn to fend for themselves, and to learn tot behave appropriately. If we try the usual discipline methods on them, it takes even longer and we deal with some horrible behaviours as well. BUT - "Explosive Child" methods DO make it easier than it would be otherwise, to get them to where they are supposed to eventually be - happy, productive, tax-paying and independent adults. Yes, we go through a stage of walking on egg-shells, or feeling like we're living in a war zone. But they have more chance of getting the message if they're not being oppositional because they're angry or frustrated. As they learn, we move behaviours around the baskets. For example, difficult child 3 now does his schoolwork with determination. He doesn't try to be sneaky and get out of his work as soon as my back is turned. I can trust him to be motivated to work. However, he does have days when he is more distractible. That's just how he is. But knowing this, changes how I handle it. I no longer have to nag him, "Get back to your work! I know you're sneaking comic books inside your text!" If I tried talking to him like that, chances are he WOULD start sneaking comic books inside his test. However, I DO have to keep him on task sometimes, by saying, "It's almost midday, how close are you to finishing that first task? Remember, the target is two worksheets a day. Is there a problem you need to discuss with me, or maybe ring your teacher about?" We've already won the battle about getting him to have a go, and to have a good work ethic. He is working independently, he is now highly motivated. HE is the one working, I am no longer pushing him to work. But other areas - he has daily chores, he still needs reminding. Once reminded, he does them willingly. This too is an improvement. IN the past, pre-Explosive Child, I would say to him, "It's time to feed the chickens," and he would blow up at me. Then I changed tack and would say, "I know you're watching your favourite cartoon, but at the next ad break will you please go and feed the chickens? You can be done before the show is back on. I will call you if you're not." With time, he learned that I WOULD support his cartoon-watching, as long as he did the right thing by me and did his share of the work. He learned that I was respecting his choices, as long as he respected my requests. Now, I just say, "Have you fed the chickens yet?" and he either goes immediately, or says, "I'll be ready to do it in a few minutes." If he leaves it too long, I remind him and say, "Did you forget? Do you need me to remind you? Or can you pause that game for the few minutes this job will take?" The flip-side of this, is when HE asks ME for something, such as a sandwich or a drink, and I say to him, "I'm busy this minute, I'll be able to do it for you when I've done this job," he no longer hassles me. He knows from experience that I give him leeway, so he now gives me leeway. Maybe not as much as I would like sometimes, but far more than if we had never tried this. We see improvement in other areas too, which we didn't realise we were influencing. difficult child 3 is now much more patient with other people. mother in law sometimes hassles him, and difficult child 3 no longer shouts at her or gets loudly angry, even if we can see the signs that he's feeling frustrated. For him, this is a huge improvement. So don't get too depressed at what seems to be your child being dependent on you keeping things calm. It does get better, and it does lead to a faster improvement than you would get otherwise. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I'm not sure if I'm doing this right.
Top