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im so confused,need help..
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 25056" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>difficult child 3 has a close friend whose diagnosis is autism plus ADHD. We've known this since the child was 4. He is now 8. His mother has been slow to follow through even with the diagnosis and definitely with the medications, because she's been surrounded by people (her mother, her hippy neighbours and friends) who insist that there's nothing wrong with the child, and if she is concerned then she should NEVER give him stimulants but instead should dose him with [insert complementary medicine of the week here].</p><p></p><p>So instead of taking her son to the pediatrician as she should have (and kept telling me that she would, because she knew he needed the diagnosis written up in a letter for school as well as a prescription for the medications) she instead went out and spent hundreds on the latest 'natural remedy'. And they really can't afford it. She tried evening primrose oil. She's tried fish oil capsules. She's tried vitamins. The latest expensive experiment was goji juice. Meanwhile, genuine therapists have gone unpaid or she's simply missed treatment sessions, because she's been told she shouldn't go, by well-meaning friends and family.</p><p></p><p>All this time she and I would also talk. I stopped pushing her a long time ago. Four years ago I drove her across Sydney to see an expert in autism. At the request of this expert (who was also seeing difficult child 3) I gave my friend a list of names and phone numbers so she could begin getting support and treatment for her son. She saw the pediatrician once then never went back because he suggested trialling medications and her friends told her not to.</p><p></p><p>The problem wasn't that her friends had her brainwashed. Instead, they had her confused. The ones selling her the natural therapies were people she considered more educated or more qualified than she sees herself. They had her bamboozled, totally (and they were getting money form her when they sold this stuff to her). And when someone you trust and respect tells you forcefully that you shouldn't poison your child with drugs to dope them into submission, you tend to do what they say, especially if you know your own education is patchy.</p><p></p><p>She's finally "drugging" her son. She's still a sucker for the latest fad, but at least now she has seen with her own eyes that her son improves on dex when nothing else ever made the slightest difference.</p><p></p><p>At the end of the last school term, I found myself having lunch with the most forceful of these friends. And she even made ME feel pathetic and inadequate (no mean feat!). I toyed briefly with lying about "drugging my child" but instead I confronted her. When she began to quote credentials ("my husband is a pharmacist") I quoted mine right back at her. And my most important credential - I am a mother of several kids on the spectrum, who are also diagnosed with ADHD. We've tried it without the medications. We've tried it with. And thank you, the medications have proven themselves to me, in the case of my children. At least with the medications I know what my kids are taking. If they drink some herbal concoction, how will I ever know what is in it? Those people never divulge the contents.</p><p></p><p>And those who persist in denial - do they know more than all the doctors in the world who DO recognise the validity of these conditions? Is your sister so highly medically qualified that she can over-rule your child's specialists?</p><p></p><p>Is she immune to sarcasm, or can you say, "Thank you so much for your educated enlightenment. Up until now I'd been tempted to follow the advice of my son's [insert specialist here], who has had [insert relevant number] of years training to be first a doctor, then a specialist, but with the benefit of your wisdom and extended training I see the light. Clearly, you have been educated on this to a far greater extent than Dr G and every single one of his colleagues. When next we see Dr G I will strongly urge him to throw away his medical journals, give up his long hours maintaining his medical credentials and instead to begin reading gossip magazines and knitting patterns in order to be truly enlightened on this topic."</p><p></p><p>Have faith in yourself and your instincts as a parent. Also, stop trying to convince her about your son. She will never accept it, so forget it. What's important is that YOU accept and understand. If you need someone to dump on, dump on us. Swap recipes with your sister, but swap ideas about difficult children with us. it's what we all do for each other.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 25056, member: 1991"] difficult child 3 has a close friend whose diagnosis is autism plus ADHD. We've known this since the child was 4. He is now 8. His mother has been slow to follow through even with the diagnosis and definitely with the medications, because she's been surrounded by people (her mother, her hippy neighbours and friends) who insist that there's nothing wrong with the child, and if she is concerned then she should NEVER give him stimulants but instead should dose him with [insert complementary medicine of the week here]. So instead of taking her son to the pediatrician as she should have (and kept telling me that she would, because she knew he needed the diagnosis written up in a letter for school as well as a prescription for the medications) she instead went out and spent hundreds on the latest 'natural remedy'. And they really can't afford it. She tried evening primrose oil. She's tried fish oil capsules. She's tried vitamins. The latest expensive experiment was goji juice. Meanwhile, genuine therapists have gone unpaid or she's simply missed treatment sessions, because she's been told she shouldn't go, by well-meaning friends and family. All this time she and I would also talk. I stopped pushing her a long time ago. Four years ago I drove her across Sydney to see an expert in autism. At the request of this expert (who was also seeing difficult child 3) I gave my friend a list of names and phone numbers so she could begin getting support and treatment for her son. She saw the pediatrician once then never went back because he suggested trialling medications and her friends told her not to. The problem wasn't that her friends had her brainwashed. Instead, they had her confused. The ones selling her the natural therapies were people she considered more educated or more qualified than she sees herself. They had her bamboozled, totally (and they were getting money form her when they sold this stuff to her). And when someone you trust and respect tells you forcefully that you shouldn't poison your child with drugs to dope them into submission, you tend to do what they say, especially if you know your own education is patchy. She's finally "drugging" her son. She's still a sucker for the latest fad, but at least now she has seen with her own eyes that her son improves on dex when nothing else ever made the slightest difference. At the end of the last school term, I found myself having lunch with the most forceful of these friends. And she even made ME feel pathetic and inadequate (no mean feat!). I toyed briefly with lying about "drugging my child" but instead I confronted her. When she began to quote credentials ("my husband is a pharmacist") I quoted mine right back at her. And my most important credential - I am a mother of several kids on the spectrum, who are also diagnosed with ADHD. We've tried it without the medications. We've tried it with. And thank you, the medications have proven themselves to me, in the case of my children. At least with the medications I know what my kids are taking. If they drink some herbal concoction, how will I ever know what is in it? Those people never divulge the contents. And those who persist in denial - do they know more than all the doctors in the world who DO recognise the validity of these conditions? Is your sister so highly medically qualified that she can over-rule your child's specialists? Is she immune to sarcasm, or can you say, "Thank you so much for your educated enlightenment. Up until now I'd been tempted to follow the advice of my son's [insert specialist here], who has had [insert relevant number] of years training to be first a doctor, then a specialist, but with the benefit of your wisdom and extended training I see the light. Clearly, you have been educated on this to a far greater extent than Dr G and every single one of his colleagues. When next we see Dr G I will strongly urge him to throw away his medical journals, give up his long hours maintaining his medical credentials and instead to begin reading gossip magazines and knitting patterns in order to be truly enlightened on this topic." Have faith in yourself and your instincts as a parent. Also, stop trying to convince her about your son. She will never accept it, so forget it. What's important is that YOU accept and understand. If you need someone to dump on, dump on us. Swap recipes with your sister, but swap ideas about difficult children with us. it's what we all do for each other. Marg [/QUOTE]
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