It is strange the number of times that this contradiction has come up on this site, and I have only been here a few days. And even stranger, it is this very contradiction that BROUGHT me here in the first place!! The CO-MORBID ADHD AND ODD contradiction is SO COMMON, yet it seems that PDR's find it nearly impossible to treat properly!!! If they focus on the ADHD, the medications they give them tend to make the ODD WORSE, causing agressive, HATEFUL, and sometimes VIOLENT behavior...and if they focus on the ODD, then you have a hyperactive child that cant stay focused on anything and ends up failing in school, and the cycle just goes on and on . . . and I REALLY find it strange the number of times I have seen this very problem come up in the last couple of days. Granted, it isn't always ODD on the opposite end of the ADHD, but some sort of behavioral disorder.
This is me, here at my computer, shaking my head as I TOTALLY IDENTIFY with your PAIN and SUFFERING feeling about the hateful difficult child. It tears you up inside to hear them speak so horribly to you, and it really IS nearly IMPOSSIBLE to ignore.
The new PDR that we are going to start seeing next month has already been reviewing my difficult child's background and has been on the phone with me numerous times in the last few days, preparing me, for her "plan" as to how to treat the two at the same time. And this may be useful for you when you go back to the PDR tomorrow, so hopefully you see it before that. And if you think this sounds good (as I certainly was in agreeance with this plan) DON'T be afraid to speak up and suggest a similar approach to your PDR. If they are REALLY a good doctor, they will take your ideas and thoughts into consideration!!
The "PLAN" is to continue using a Stimulant to treat the ADHD, but to also offer a "stabilizer" that will help with the behavior problems and help to combat the side effects of the stimulant, which always tend to make the behavior problems worse. She said that it is something many PDR's don't consider, and she said it is a very LONG process, because finding the balance of STIMULANT and DOWNER medications is a very FINE LINE. The reason she says that is, is because if given too much DOWNER to stabilize, it will overpower the STIMULANT and it won't work, but if given too much STIMULANT, then it will overthrow the DOWNER and IT won't work. And not only do you have to work at finding the right specific medication combo that will work best for your child, you also have to find the right DOSAGE of each medication that will work for your child. She said that it can take a very long time, as they like to try each combination for at least 1 month to see how it works once the medication has had time to get built up in the system and the body gets used to it. At one point in the past, our difficult child was on a similar "plan" taking 54mg of Concerta along with a good dosage of Seroquel, with the PDR that her BIO Mother had her seeing and it seemed to work very well, so that raised our level of confidence in this plan. However when her mother lost custody to CPS, and they placed her under their guardianship, they refused to continue allowing her to take the Seroquel, as they didn't feel a child of age 12 should take such powerful anti-psychotic medication. And she isn't being handled directly by CPS, either, there is a private organization that works closely with CPS and handles certain cases, which our difficult child happens to be one of. This is good in many ways, as we have avoided most of the unpleasantries that usually accompany working with "the system" but it also has it's drawbacks, because her caseworker, and their entire office in general, doesn't have much experience with the issues surrounding our difficult child, and they have a hard time believing that this sweet child causes that many problems when no one is looking but us.
Here's hoping that everything works out for you at the PDR tomorrow!! If you suggest this to your doctor, I am really interested to see what their reaction is, please keep me updated!!!
Also, a good fix for you, as far as dealing with the hurtful comments hurled at you, the best thing you can do for you is, as soon as your difficult child calms down, go give them a big hug, tell them how much you love them, and most of the time, mine will respond with that same kindness. I know it doesn't exactly make up for "I HATE YOU" that easily, but it helps make you feel a little better to be able to hold them and cry with them, and believe it or not, it really helps them too. Another tip that we got from our difficult child's psychotherapist is, any leverage you give them, they will stretch as far as they can take it. So even in your nice loving moments, be on guard not to reveal anything to your child that they may be able to use against you later. If they scare you or hurt your feelings, you MUST NOT let them know it, because if they know, 99% of them will find a way to use it against you later when they are upset.
Good luck, I am here if you want to talk!!