Hi,
I just don't know what to do anymore. I am divorced with two sons, L who is going on 13, and D who is 10. L is my issue.
He has seen every type of professional I could find; therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, neurologists, neuropsychiatrists. He doesn't fit cleanly into one diagnosis. We are currently working under the diagnosis of mood disorder. He sees a therapist ever other week and the psychiatrist approximately monthly. He is on tripleptal twice a day, clonodine at night and as needed for outbursts.
Things are so much worse lately. He is verbally abusive, constantly cursing and yelling at me. He simply won't follow the simplest of directions. He absolutely refuses to conform to any rules. (And frankly, given his resistance, there aren't many.) No matter what I say, he argues. It could be the simplest thing...the sky is blue, and he will argue and call me an idiot.
L will have outbursts with my ex-husband, too, but not as frequently. My ex's way of handling these outbursts is to drop L back here, saying he cannot tolerate the behavior. Being in my home has now become a punishment for him. In my home there are rules: consistent bedtime, limits surrounding the use of electronics, etc. I make him do homework, go to his appointments, etc. L doesn't like this and as a result, always wants to be with his dad. L is a because student, and doesn't get into any trouble at school. Most of his anger is directed at me, although he does get into it with his brother.
Yesterday things came to a head. I lost it; L was verbally abusive and I just couldn't take it. I yelled at him. He laughed at me. I called the psychologist, who suggested that L move in with his dad since L "obviously hates you." This is breaking my heart.
I don't know what I did to make him hate me so much. Maybe it is just me. I don't know. He is rude, angry, disrespectful. I try to give appropriate consequences (grounding, taking away electronics). He gets even angrier. Nothing seems to alter the behavior. I did ask the psychiatrist about changing his medications, but he doesn't think that will resolve the issue. I am looking for a new therapist, as his current one doesn't seem to be helping. He comes out of sessions even angrier than he goes in, and I'm not getting any practical suggestions. I'm just told to ignore him when he gets in my faces and says "f--- you." I've tried this, although I think that this is just allowing negative behavior. All it does is eat away at me. I've tried positive reinforcement and lots of positive attention, but that hasn't made a dent in the negative behavior. L just wants what he wants and that is it.
The firmer the line I draw, the harder it gets to live with him. And it doesn't seem to change anything. I just don't know what to do now.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I am divorced with two sons, L who is going on 13, and D who is 10. L is my issue.
He has seen every type of professional I could find; therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, neurologists, neuropsychiatrists. He doesn't fit cleanly into one diagnosis. We are currently working under the diagnosis of mood disorder. He sees a therapist ever other week and the psychiatrist approximately monthly. He is on tripleptal twice a day, clonodine at night and as needed for outbursts.
Things are so much worse lately. He is verbally abusive, constantly cursing and yelling at me. He simply won't follow the simplest of directions. He absolutely refuses to conform to any rules. (And frankly, given his resistance, there aren't many.) No matter what I say, he argues. It could be the simplest thing...the sky is blue, and he will argue and call me an idiot.
L will have outbursts with my ex-husband, too, but not as frequently. My ex's way of handling these outbursts is to drop L back here, saying he cannot tolerate the behavior. Being in my home has now become a punishment for him. In my home there are rules: consistent bedtime, limits surrounding the use of electronics, etc. I make him do homework, go to his appointments, etc. L doesn't like this and as a result, always wants to be with his dad. L is a because student, and doesn't get into any trouble at school. Most of his anger is directed at me, although he does get into it with his brother.
Yesterday things came to a head. I lost it; L was verbally abusive and I just couldn't take it. I yelled at him. He laughed at me. I called the psychologist, who suggested that L move in with his dad since L "obviously hates you." This is breaking my heart.
I don't know what I did to make him hate me so much. Maybe it is just me. I don't know. He is rude, angry, disrespectful. I try to give appropriate consequences (grounding, taking away electronics). He gets even angrier. Nothing seems to alter the behavior. I did ask the psychiatrist about changing his medications, but he doesn't think that will resolve the issue. I am looking for a new therapist, as his current one doesn't seem to be helping. He comes out of sessions even angrier than he goes in, and I'm not getting any practical suggestions. I'm just told to ignore him when he gets in my faces and says "f--- you." I've tried this, although I think that this is just allowing negative behavior. All it does is eat away at me. I've tried positive reinforcement and lots of positive attention, but that hasn't made a dent in the negative behavior. L just wants what he wants and that is it.
The firmer the line I draw, the harder it gets to live with him. And it doesn't seem to change anything. I just don't know what to do now.