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i'm totally spent, i need some advice :)
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 210582" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Jen,</p><p> </p><p>Have you ever considered that by running things around difficult child's needs/wants you are keeping her from learning that life happens and it doesn't make concessions for you? It would be a long, hard road at this point, but it might be worthwhile to slowly add some things that you HAVE to do during "her" time that are not about her. </p><p> </p><p>Life does NOT revolve around difficult children. Sometimes, in the search for calm and peace, we give in too much to their wishes and needs. THis ROBS them of the ability to learn to adapt. When the things you do to accomodate her just drive her to demand more and more, well, then you are not helping her.</p><p> </p><p>Even if you start with a set time, say 7 to 8, or even 7 to 7:30 that the tv will NOT be on HER show, but on YOURS, then she will start learning that other people matter just as much as she does.</p><p> </p><p>I KNOW you did much of this to avoid medication, and because it is so hard to watch your child deal with a disease. But part of that disease is learning to manage it.</p><p> </p><p>If we had made the entire family eat on thank you's diet, for example, he would never have learned that he has to say NO to milk, or to oranges or strawberries. He would just assume that everyone will avoid those because he can't have them.</p><p> </p><p>Even with Wiz at home, he NEVER got all the TV time to himself. Sharing is part of living in a family. Even part of living in the WORLD.</p><p> </p><p>Do you see what I mean? It IS more stressful to teach your child these lessons of not having everything revolve around them. Especially after such a period of giving in as you have done. But it makes for stronger adults, in my opinion.</p><p> </p><p>I could be totally wrong, but I wanted to tell you what I was seeing.</p><p> </p><p>I AM sorry that things are so stressful. You DO need to teach her that MOM is a person with needs too. OTherwise YOU are going to end up in the psychiatric hospital with a breakdown. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs,</p><p> </p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 210582, member: 1233"] Jen, Have you ever considered that by running things around difficult child's needs/wants you are keeping her from learning that life happens and it doesn't make concessions for you? It would be a long, hard road at this point, but it might be worthwhile to slowly add some things that you HAVE to do during "her" time that are not about her. Life does NOT revolve around difficult children. Sometimes, in the search for calm and peace, we give in too much to their wishes and needs. THis ROBS them of the ability to learn to adapt. When the things you do to accomodate her just drive her to demand more and more, well, then you are not helping her. Even if you start with a set time, say 7 to 8, or even 7 to 7:30 that the tv will NOT be on HER show, but on YOURS, then she will start learning that other people matter just as much as she does. I KNOW you did much of this to avoid medication, and because it is so hard to watch your child deal with a disease. But part of that disease is learning to manage it. If we had made the entire family eat on thank you's diet, for example, he would never have learned that he has to say NO to milk, or to oranges or strawberries. He would just assume that everyone will avoid those because he can't have them. Even with Wiz at home, he NEVER got all the TV time to himself. Sharing is part of living in a family. Even part of living in the WORLD. Do you see what I mean? It IS more stressful to teach your child these lessons of not having everything revolve around them. Especially after such a period of giving in as you have done. But it makes for stronger adults, in my opinion. I could be totally wrong, but I wanted to tell you what I was seeing. I AM sorry that things are so stressful. You DO need to teach her that MOM is a person with needs too. OTherwise YOU are going to end up in the psychiatric hospital with a breakdown. Hugs, Susie [/QUOTE]
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i'm totally spent, i need some advice :)
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