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Parent Emeritus
In 23 years, nothing has changed, yet he continues to hope.
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 452861" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Shari</p><p></p><p>I think it's so much harder to let go of the mom figure than the father figure because if you stop and think about it the mom figure is supposed to be the center of your universe for a very long time. When that doesn't happen for a variety of reasons, the child puts the blame onto themselves........something is faulty with them, otherwise mom would be different, act different, feel different toward them. That is an enormous mountain to get over. </p><p></p><p>My brother gave up his two eldest daughters to adoption when he was very young after his first wife attempted to kill them because at the time caring for them was overwhelming. He had a close relationship with the adoptive family for many many years. His first wife sat in prison for many many years, where she belonged. (personally after trying to kill 6 kids I'd say she should've never gotten out) A year or two after their biomom got out........the girls were in their late teens, and they reached out and made contact with her. My bro, who had backed off by then because the adoptive parents had said it was making parenting too complicated, was deeply hurt because neither girl has contacted him to this day. It cuts deeper because they reached out to the very person that tried to kill them instead of to the loving parent who adored them. I explained the mom deal to him, that I believe it's a very basic fundamental need we have to connect with our mothers (even when we shouldn't) until we can see them as individuals outside of the mother role and see them for who they really are. And I added after meeting and attempting to develop a relationship with their totally messed up biomom it probably scared the hades out of them for trying to contact him. He still keeps his contact info current with the adoptive parents.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 452861, member: 84"] Shari I think it's so much harder to let go of the mom figure than the father figure because if you stop and think about it the mom figure is supposed to be the center of your universe for a very long time. When that doesn't happen for a variety of reasons, the child puts the blame onto themselves........something is faulty with them, otherwise mom would be different, act different, feel different toward them. That is an enormous mountain to get over. My brother gave up his two eldest daughters to adoption when he was very young after his first wife attempted to kill them because at the time caring for them was overwhelming. He had a close relationship with the adoptive family for many many years. His first wife sat in prison for many many years, where she belonged. (personally after trying to kill 6 kids I'd say she should've never gotten out) A year or two after their biomom got out........the girls were in their late teens, and they reached out and made contact with her. My bro, who had backed off by then because the adoptive parents had said it was making parenting too complicated, was deeply hurt because neither girl has contacted him to this day. It cuts deeper because they reached out to the very person that tried to kill them instead of to the loving parent who adored them. I explained the mom deal to him, that I believe it's a very basic fundamental need we have to connect with our mothers (even when we shouldn't) until we can see them as individuals outside of the mother role and see them for who they really are. And I added after meeting and attempting to develop a relationship with their totally messed up biomom it probably scared the hades out of them for trying to contact him. He still keeps his contact info current with the adoptive parents. [/QUOTE]
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In 23 years, nothing has changed, yet he continues to hope.
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