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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 664882" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>There are two things going on here, I think. First, the effects of victimization. Your mother was a bully, Cedar. Leaving aside the fact that she was your mother, Cedar, and the one in the world who was responsible to care for her defenseless babies, she was a neighborhood bully. And bullying, like rape, and other kinds of crimes with a victim leaves predictable often lifelong scars. </p><p></p><p>Once you decided to confront the reality of your lifelong situation and little by little climb out of it, and away from your Mother and Sister, you became a survivor.</p><p></p><p><strong>"Survivor guilt</strong> (or <strong>survivor's guilt</strong>; also called <strong>survivor</strong> syndrome or <strong>survivor's</strong> syndrome) is a mental condition that occurs when a person perceives themselves to have done wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not." (Wikipedia)</p><p></p><p>With this, another kind of dynamic enters the picture. Effects of victimization and the feelings about surviving the trauma when others did not. </p><p></p><p>Victims of crime almost always blame themselves. This is probably a similar dynamic to children blaming themselves for abuse by their parents'. A whole dimension of other self-torment arises when you do not suffer as others did. Like with your brother.</p><p></p><p>All of this is self-blame and self attack, for surviving:</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And there is a third layer, too. </p><p></p><p>I was thinking as I wrote this of the intentions of people that capture other people and take them as prisoners or hostages. The Stockholm Syndrome is what happens with their victims. </p><p></p><p>But think about what the captors want to induce in their victims. Self doubt. Fear. Weakness. Dependency. Surrender of their autonomy, of their individuality and personhood. Confusion. Disorientation. </p><p></p><p>This is what our parents sought, Cedar, with us. And our children, too, when they seek to subjugate us by their taunts and their control and their hazing of us:</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think we have to be very, very careful to not blame ourselves for feelings that come up. </p><p></p><p>Let's spell it out:</p><p></p><p>1. Somebody terrorized you. There are memories of this.</p><p>2. There are long term psychological effects of the traumatic experiences. Apart from the memories themselves.</p><p>3. Survival when others did not.</p><p></p><p>How could there not be feelings?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 664882, member: 18958"] There are two things going on here, I think. First, the effects of victimization. Your mother was a bully, Cedar. Leaving aside the fact that she was your mother, Cedar, and the one in the world who was responsible to care for her defenseless babies, she was a neighborhood bully. And bullying, like rape, and other kinds of crimes with a victim leaves predictable often lifelong scars. Once you decided to confront the reality of your lifelong situation and little by little climb out of it, and away from your Mother and Sister, you became a survivor. [B]"Survivor guilt[/B] (or [B]survivor's guilt[/B]; also called [B]survivor[/B] syndrome or [B]survivor's[/B] syndrome) is a mental condition that occurs when a person perceives themselves to have done wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not." (Wikipedia) With this, another kind of dynamic enters the picture. Effects of victimization and the feelings about surviving the trauma when others did not. Victims of crime almost always blame themselves. This is probably a similar dynamic to children blaming themselves for abuse by their parents'. A whole dimension of other self-torment arises when you do not suffer as others did. Like with your brother. All of this is self-blame and self attack, for surviving: And there is a third layer, too. I was thinking as I wrote this of the intentions of people that capture other people and take them as prisoners or hostages. The Stockholm Syndrome is what happens with their victims. But think about what the captors want to induce in their victims. Self doubt. Fear. Weakness. Dependency. Surrender of their autonomy, of their individuality and personhood. Confusion. Disorientation. This is what our parents sought, Cedar, with us. And our children, too, when they seek to subjugate us by their taunts and their control and their hazing of us: I think we have to be very, very careful to not blame ourselves for feelings that come up. Let's spell it out: 1. Somebody terrorized you. There are memories of this. 2. There are long term psychological effects of the traumatic experiences. Apart from the memories themselves. 3. Survival when others did not. How could there not be feelings? [/QUOTE]
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