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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 664975" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>In so many instances Serenity, you have been where I get to. The posts about abusive adult children. The posts about letting go of loving our families of origin in self defeating ways. Not that we shouldn't love them, we do. But in the choosing to let go, hard as that struggle is.</p><p></p><p>Those kinds of things. In that sense, you have been where I am going.</p><p></p><p>So, I know I will get there and what it might look like and how to steer toward that place; that emotional space that is about saying what is seen and responding to what is.</p><p></p><p>So, a coming home to the center of the self.</p><p></p><p>Knowing it will be a struggle. That is invaluable to me. Hearing the pain and confusion and hope in it. Knowing I am not the only one whose sister....</p><p></p><p>That kind of thing. But you are right Serenity. We are facing and naming and coming through it.</p><p></p><p>I like the good work we are doing here, very much.</p><p></p><p>Thank you both.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh, no.</p><p></p><p>I think I would have read it. Oh, good for you that you were able to delete it.</p><p></p><p>What did D H say about it? My D H says: "You can do whatever you want. I want no part of them."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is amazing. I am so glad this is how it is for you. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I say this but I think I don't mean it, but I do. Still in a place of confusion with all of it. With the regret of it. Still feel a little lost and lonely and rejected about it. It is what it is. It will take the time that it takes. There is nothing I need to do.</p><p></p><p>The way I see myself in relation to my mom and my sister is changing.</p><p></p><p>That's alright. D H says I twist myself into guilty, when the truth is that my mom hung up on me. Was rude, abrupt ~ power over mode for sure ~ and hung up on me. Not the other way around. Then, he says: She could have called you. Any time within those first hours or weeks or months. </p><p></p><p>And it has been almost a year and a half.</p><p></p><p>So then I am standing, again.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry, Serenity. We were talking about your sister's text.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you didn't read it. </p><p></p><p>No cheating, for us.</p><p></p><p>We know who they are now and more importantly, we are coming to know who we are.</p><p></p><p>We deserve better than sisters (or moms, in my case) determined to hurt us.</p><p></p><p>It's like they just can't leave us alone. You were right. She is probably stalking you here and wanted to play "Let's go back to when I used to abuse Serenity by text." </p><p></p><p>Poor thing. She needs to get her life in order too, just like we are.</p><p></p><p>If it weren't so disturbing, it would be a kind of validation.</p><p></p><p>At least my sister leaves me alone.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You don't deserve to be hated, Serenity. You merit being cherished for the beautiful human being you are. I can't figure out why they pick to hate us instead, either.</p><p></p><p>That's on them then, I guess.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you felt indifference. Of course you knew she would go ballistic when what she was doing became clear so clear that she was shut down.</p><p></p><p>Why is she stalking? What does she hope to accomplish. Blaming you for what she does to herself, I suppose.</p><p></p><p>You are different, now.</p><p></p><p>We all are.</p><p></p><p>Yay for us.</p><p></p><p>We never had the sisters we believed we had. It is better for us to remember that true thing.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is a huge victory story. No useless pain or self recrimination about the strange, hurtful things our sisters seem determined to do.</p><p></p><p>I can't believe she texted you.</p><p></p><p>Maybe next she will send a card.</p><p></p><p>Don't open it. Just put "Return to Sender."</p><p></p><p>I was just thinking. You have many wonderful things coming up in your life that she will never have been part of.</p><p></p><p>It will be even easier then never to wonder about her again.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Ha! I love Buddha Baby.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>Oh, yes.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 664975, member: 17461"] In so many instances Serenity, you have been where I get to. The posts about abusive adult children. The posts about letting go of loving our families of origin in self defeating ways. Not that we shouldn't love them, we do. But in the choosing to let go, hard as that struggle is. Those kinds of things. In that sense, you have been where I am going. So, I know I will get there and what it might look like and how to steer toward that place; that emotional space that is about saying what is seen and responding to what is. So, a coming home to the center of the self. Knowing it will be a struggle. That is invaluable to me. Hearing the pain and confusion and hope in it. Knowing I am not the only one whose sister.... That kind of thing. But you are right Serenity. We are facing and naming and coming through it. I like the good work we are doing here, very much. Thank you both. Oh, no. I think I would have read it. Oh, good for you that you were able to delete it. What did D H say about it? My D H says: "You can do whatever you want. I want no part of them." This is amazing. I am so glad this is how it is for you. I say this but I think I don't mean it, but I do. Still in a place of confusion with all of it. With the regret of it. Still feel a little lost and lonely and rejected about it. It is what it is. It will take the time that it takes. There is nothing I need to do. The way I see myself in relation to my mom and my sister is changing. That's alright. D H says I twist myself into guilty, when the truth is that my mom hung up on me. Was rude, abrupt ~ power over mode for sure ~ and hung up on me. Not the other way around. Then, he says: She could have called you. Any time within those first hours or weeks or months. And it has been almost a year and a half. So then I am standing, again. I'm sorry, Serenity. We were talking about your sister's text. I am glad you didn't read it. No cheating, for us. We know who they are now and more importantly, we are coming to know who we are. We deserve better than sisters (or moms, in my case) determined to hurt us. It's like they just can't leave us alone. You were right. She is probably stalking you here and wanted to play "Let's go back to when I used to abuse Serenity by text." Poor thing. She needs to get her life in order too, just like we are. If it weren't so disturbing, it would be a kind of validation. At least my sister leaves me alone. You don't deserve to be hated, Serenity. You merit being cherished for the beautiful human being you are. I can't figure out why they pick to hate us instead, either. That's on them then, I guess. I am glad you felt indifference. Of course you knew she would go ballistic when what she was doing became clear so clear that she was shut down. Why is she stalking? What does she hope to accomplish. Blaming you for what she does to herself, I suppose. You are different, now. We all are. Yay for us. We never had the sisters we believed we had. It is better for us to remember that true thing. That is a huge victory story. No useless pain or self recrimination about the strange, hurtful things our sisters seem determined to do. I can't believe she texted you. Maybe next she will send a card. Don't open it. Just put "Return to Sender." I was just thinking. You have many wonderful things coming up in your life that she will never have been part of. It will be even easier then never to wonder about her again. Ha! I love Buddha Baby. :O) Yes. Oh, yes. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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