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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 665381" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think you have explained something key to our moms views of us, Serenity.</p><p></p><p>Could it be that they identified strongly with their first daughters? Could it be that self hatred we felt was how they felt about themselves, and why they were so determined to focus the way they felt about themselves onto us?</p><p></p><p>Onto us in particular, I mean?</p><p></p><p>Maybe, we are not the only ones who cannot separate my mother/myself.</p><p></p><p>I look like my mom, too. I have my father's eyes. I "feel" more like my father than like my mother. My mom told me that she cried, to know her baby would have to go through labor and childbirth.</p><p></p><p>Probably, she hoped for a boy, and not a red headed female child, at all.</p><p></p><p>I am sure this is a piece of what happened to all of us ~ to our moms, too. And they were so much more alone than we were. My mother was estranged from her mother too, much of the time. She was brought to the place my father grew up, and that is where she had her children. It was my father's mother who would have been her mentoring mother, and not her own mom.</p><p></p><p>That has to play into all of this, given the way my mom feels about my father's mother (and me) to this day.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>I was just thinking about that WalMart "whore" experience. That feeling that my mom would be surprised at me. Almost as though what she saw with her eyes was not corresponding to the woman I had become.</p><p></p><p>Could part of that be because I was not her, after all?</p><p></p><p>?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 665381, member: 17461"] I think you have explained something key to our moms views of us, Serenity. Could it be that they identified strongly with their first daughters? Could it be that self hatred we felt was how they felt about themselves, and why they were so determined to focus the way they felt about themselves onto us? Onto us in particular, I mean? Maybe, we are not the only ones who cannot separate my mother/myself. I look like my mom, too. I have my father's eyes. I "feel" more like my father than like my mother. My mom told me that she cried, to know her baby would have to go through labor and childbirth. Probably, she hoped for a boy, and not a red headed female child, at all. I am sure this is a piece of what happened to all of us ~ to our moms, too. And they were so much more alone than we were. My mother was estranged from her mother too, much of the time. She was brought to the place my father grew up, and that is where she had her children. It was my father's mother who would have been her mentoring mother, and not her own mom. That has to play into all of this, given the way my mom feels about my father's mother (and me) to this day. Cedar I was just thinking about that WalMart "whore" experience. That feeling that my mom would be surprised at me. Almost as though what she saw with her eyes was not corresponding to the woman I had become. Could part of that be because I was not her, after all? ? [/QUOTE]
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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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