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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 665387" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I looked like her and was tempermental. She was beyond tempermental and overwhelming to a differently wired child who needed calmness and stability. That was not going to happen. I am not sure it happens with all scapegoated children, but all of my therapists seem to agree that my mother saw something in me that bothered her about herself so she decided to make me the one she blamed for everything.</p><p></p><p>Again, I am amazed at how little even acknowledging this affects me. I have to thank you two again for letting me "talk" about it n detail, hurtful detail at times. It seems that I have cleansed myself with my words and have been able to validate my memories by your beliefs in me. This barely even bothered me to write at all.</p><p></p><p>My FOO is fading...fading...fading...back to Kansas where they live, in some alternate reality apart from me. And it feels different to no longer care. I think I'm all loved out on anyone dysfunctional. I loved them all so much for so long and it just wore out as I typed and typed for hours and days about what my reality with them really looked like.</p><p></p><p>It still boggles my mind to think, "I will only see them once more and won't speak with them again. Ever."</p><p></p><p>It is a new and pleasant surprise every time I have it. I no longer mourn them. I don't want them. I don't give a rats if they want me or not. Or what they think.</p><p></p><p>Keep doing two things, ladies.</p><p>1/ Keep writing about it until your fingers hurt because it is so much more real when you write about it then can go back and read it for a reminder.</p><p></p><p>2/ Try to practice low to no contact with your tormentors. It is not the wrong thing to do. It is done in self-defense. These are soul killers. We can't allow anyone, dead or alive, to kill our spirits. I feel myself coming alive in a very new way, lighter, sweeter, happier, sure that they can never touch me again, physicallly or emotionally.</p><p></p><p>My contact, when the dreaded funeral comes, will be brief. A drive up with family, a drive back with family. I doubt I will sit next to them, regardless of what relatives that I barely know may say when we are forever gone from their lives.</p><p></p><p>I can't wait to start the classes that will allow me to become a certified Peer Counselor.</p><p></p><p>You both can get here too. You just need to let go of the ties that bind and put yourself first. What is best for you? Alive or dead, is is better for you or worse for you to hang onto a relationship? I think we know t he answers in our hearts.</p><p></p><p>We are not who our abusers said or say we are. We are who we KNOW we are.</p><p></p><p>Let's keep marching on, ladies. The only people we need to listen to is our own knowledge.</p><p></p><p>The only people we need to interact with are those who are kind to us.</p><p></p><p>Not my circus; not my monkeys. I actually bought a shirt that says this. Very cute with monkies on it. I get compliments on it and people ask me what it means. I just say, "To me it means peace...no longer worrying about the world."</p><p></p><p>Close enough.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 665387, member: 1550"] I looked like her and was tempermental. She was beyond tempermental and overwhelming to a differently wired child who needed calmness and stability. That was not going to happen. I am not sure it happens with all scapegoated children, but all of my therapists seem to agree that my mother saw something in me that bothered her about herself so she decided to make me the one she blamed for everything. Again, I am amazed at how little even acknowledging this affects me. I have to thank you two again for letting me "talk" about it n detail, hurtful detail at times. It seems that I have cleansed myself with my words and have been able to validate my memories by your beliefs in me. This barely even bothered me to write at all. My FOO is fading...fading...fading...back to Kansas where they live, in some alternate reality apart from me. And it feels different to no longer care. I think I'm all loved out on anyone dysfunctional. I loved them all so much for so long and it just wore out as I typed and typed for hours and days about what my reality with them really looked like. It still boggles my mind to think, "I will only see them once more and won't speak with them again. Ever." It is a new and pleasant surprise every time I have it. I no longer mourn them. I don't want them. I don't give a rats if they want me or not. Or what they think. Keep doing two things, ladies. 1/ Keep writing about it until your fingers hurt because it is so much more real when you write about it then can go back and read it for a reminder. 2/ Try to practice low to no contact with your tormentors. It is not the wrong thing to do. It is done in self-defense. These are soul killers. We can't allow anyone, dead or alive, to kill our spirits. I feel myself coming alive in a very new way, lighter, sweeter, happier, sure that they can never touch me again, physicallly or emotionally. My contact, when the dreaded funeral comes, will be brief. A drive up with family, a drive back with family. I doubt I will sit next to them, regardless of what relatives that I barely know may say when we are forever gone from their lives. I can't wait to start the classes that will allow me to become a certified Peer Counselor. You both can get here too. You just need to let go of the ties that bind and put yourself first. What is best for you? Alive or dead, is is better for you or worse for you to hang onto a relationship? I think we know t he answers in our hearts. We are not who our abusers said or say we are. We are who we KNOW we are. Let's keep marching on, ladies. The only people we need to listen to is our own knowledge. The only people we need to interact with are those who are kind to us. Not my circus; not my monkeys. I actually bought a shirt that says this. Very cute with monkies on it. I get compliments on it and people ask me what it means. I just say, "To me it means peace...no longer worrying about the world." Close enough. [/QUOTE]
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