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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 665471" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>M's mom is not abusive. HIs family believes in family. Then it can work. It SHOULD work to make amends.</p><p></p><p>But with dysfunctional people, in general, tryiing to make amends is turned against us. Our intentions are twisted by the person and made to be BAD intentions. I have learned that what people say bout themselves should be listened to and heeded.</p><p></p><p>"I'm really a jerk." Believe it. Take it to heart.</p><p></p><p>And what they believe about us is their true feelings as well. "You're a jerk. You're bad. You caused my problems."</p><p></p><p>They believe this. Take it to heart. Don't try to change their minds. You can't.</p><p></p><p>It is better to just leave. I tried both. The first, trying to make it right, is hard and heartbreaking. And it doesn't work. If they feel that horribly about us, nothing can change their minds.</p><p></p><p>As long as they are in our lives, whether REALLY in our lives or renting space in our heads, they are disrupting us.</p><p></p><p>I am no longer willing to let them do that to me. And it's working. I never tried walking away emotionally and physically before. Never. I don't know why not. But I didn't. Not completely. I paid for sticking around or trying to make it better.</p><p></p><p>Just leaving...well, it is the only thing that has made my mind free and calm.</p><p></p><p>I am not sure it is possible to be a sensitive person and have a relationship with a dysfunctional person and ever be serene. Above all else, I want peace and serenity. I am putting me first. Nobody is worth messing with my peace of mind.</p><p></p><p>Since seeing that my sister can not post meanly on her site again, if ever again, I have just left her. I don't even care if she does, although the mod clearly said s he can not. So I will just let myself think she isn't and leave it at that. Honestly, I don't even care anymore.</p><p></p><p>Validation means so much to us...we have been slapped down so often...we NEED to know that others actually do see things as we know they are. We are so used to being gas-lighted.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I think the total letting go of a memory of a person or a live person is the only way FOR ME (maybe not everyone) to feel good about myself. I am too sensitive about what they say about me. Now I won't know or care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 665471, member: 1550"] M's mom is not abusive. HIs family believes in family. Then it can work. It SHOULD work to make amends. But with dysfunctional people, in general, tryiing to make amends is turned against us. Our intentions are twisted by the person and made to be BAD intentions. I have learned that what people say bout themselves should be listened to and heeded. "I'm really a jerk." Believe it. Take it to heart. And what they believe about us is their true feelings as well. "You're a jerk. You're bad. You caused my problems." They believe this. Take it to heart. Don't try to change their minds. You can't. It is better to just leave. I tried both. The first, trying to make it right, is hard and heartbreaking. And it doesn't work. If they feel that horribly about us, nothing can change their minds. As long as they are in our lives, whether REALLY in our lives or renting space in our heads, they are disrupting us. I am no longer willing to let them do that to me. And it's working. I never tried walking away emotionally and physically before. Never. I don't know why not. But I didn't. Not completely. I paid for sticking around or trying to make it better. Just leaving...well, it is the only thing that has made my mind free and calm. I am not sure it is possible to be a sensitive person and have a relationship with a dysfunctional person and ever be serene. Above all else, I want peace and serenity. I am putting me first. Nobody is worth messing with my peace of mind. Since seeing that my sister can not post meanly on her site again, if ever again, I have just left her. I don't even care if she does, although the mod clearly said s he can not. So I will just let myself think she isn't and leave it at that. Honestly, I don't even care anymore. Validation means so much to us...we have been slapped down so often...we NEED to know that others actually do see things as we know they are. We are so used to being gas-lighted. I think the total letting go of a memory of a person or a live person is the only way FOR ME (maybe not everyone) to feel good about myself. I am too sensitive about what they say about me. Now I won't know or care. [/QUOTE]
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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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