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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 665530" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I did not know my mother had a flaw, Copa. She was smarter, probably the smartest person she knew. She was most competent; again, I am sure, the most competent person she knew. That, it seemed to me, is why she felt such contempt for me. Because I was somehow not competent or smart enough or something. </p><p></p><p>Not enough.</p><p></p><p>Ever.</p><p></p><p>I am surprised today to see what it was like for me to grow up as her daughter. There was no one to talk about atomic bomb shame with. Like you, and like Serenity too, I put it behind me. I had my children. I made a life. I had D H.</p><p></p><p>And then, my children...we lost all of that. We were sad and worried sick and afraid and enraged and powerless to change any of it. And the helping professionals were not helping; just the opposite. <em>(Pray for their peace and therein, find our own.)</em></p><p></p><p><em>So very many things to be angry for.</em></p><p></p><p><em>So much that was lost.</em></p><p></p><p>I believed that, like my mother, I had hurt my daughter and repressed it. Or, like the mom in Sybil. Then, our son fell, too. </p><p></p><p>It was terrifying, to bring that to a therapist.</p><p></p><p>But I did it.</p><p></p><p>I did it, every time, with every therapist.</p><p></p><p>So far, so good on that one.</p><p></p><p>It was really scary though, to think that might have been it. Not might have, must have.</p><p></p><p>Really, the though of it sickened me and was so scary.</p><p></p><p>Add what my mom said, that wiener.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 665530, member: 17461"] I did not know my mother had a flaw, Copa. She was smarter, probably the smartest person she knew. She was most competent; again, I am sure, the most competent person she knew. That, it seemed to me, is why she felt such contempt for me. Because I was somehow not competent or smart enough or something. Not enough. Ever. I am surprised today to see what it was like for me to grow up as her daughter. There was no one to talk about atomic bomb shame with. Like you, and like Serenity too, I put it behind me. I had my children. I made a life. I had D H. And then, my children...we lost all of that. We were sad and worried sick and afraid and enraged and powerless to change any of it. And the helping professionals were not helping; just the opposite. [I](Pray for their peace and therein, find our own.)[/I] [I]So very many things to be angry for.[/I] [I]So much that was lost.[/I] I believed that, like my mother, I had hurt my daughter and repressed it. Or, like the mom in Sybil. Then, our son fell, too. It was terrifying, to bring that to a therapist. But I did it. I did it, every time, with every therapist. So far, so good on that one. It was really scary though, to think that might have been it. Not might have, must have. Really, the though of it sickened me and was so scary. Add what my mom said, that wiener. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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