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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 665533" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>To both of you, I never felt the responsibility to my mother than you two did and I wonder why, When I called her, as I explained, I wanted to be able to look at myself in the mirror and say I tried as hard as I could, whether or not it was accepted, and then there were my very strong spiritual beliefs, I did not call her so sh e wouldn't be alone or anything like that, I doubt she was alone, I hoped we could come to at least an understanding at the end, but it didn't happen, She didn't want it to happen, Yet she couldn tell me to bugger off, so to speak, I think she liked playing with my head rather than being honest, I w ish she had just told me never to contact her again, The little girl inside of my that wanted a loving mother would have grown up fast and given up, She gave me signals and signs, but did not say the needed words, Yes, the words were necessary,</p><p></p><p>Yet she was malicious about removing her from my life, such as when she had a brain tumor at age 68, This one was benign, She told everyone in FOO, including my father, who was her ex by then and she had no warmth toward him, not to tell me about this tumor, My siblings were so clueless that they never asked why so they couldn't tell me, Or maybe they did know and didn't tell me, If so, just another game, I found out during one of my attempts to reconcile with her, She told me about it herself, When I finally had a chance to ask her why it was such a secret from me, s he said something like, "Well, I know how high strung you are and I didn't want you to worry,,," It was a load of crapola, but that's all she said, I know the truth in my mind, "I don't want her to be involved in this, I don't want to see her, I don't love her,"</p><p></p><p>I donn't think I would have gone, by the way, I was trying to reconcile then by phone, but I still cared about myself, I do not believe I would have disrupted my entire family, the kids still in school and hubby at work, and run to Illinois for her operation,. We just were not that close, And my wonderful brother and sister did not rush to her aid when she was discharged four days later, as she explained what had happened after the surgery, She claimed she was afraid to be alone, but they made her go home anyway, She was at risks to have seizures,</p><p></p><p>I didn't know about it as it happened, but my sweet sister and golden child brother did not make arrangements to stay with her, Or say they couldn't, My sis was married at the time and living in a house with a huge mortgage, My brother has money, period, He did not in any way use it to get a private nurse to stay with my mother, She never once dared to mention that both my sister and my brother obviously had the resources, especially together, to do this for her and did not, She didn't tell me because in no way would she ever say a negative thing to me about my brother and, by that time, my sister either, My brother was the one who REALLY had the funds, My sister and her hub were borrowing monthly from her husban'ds father to afford their outrageous mortgage (selfish of them, no? Why not buy a house within your means), But I digress,,,that was the brain tumor story that I hard about years later,</p><p></p><p>My mom got brain cancer eight years later and my sister put her in a home and visited a lot and complained often about how hard it was, Brother did nothing to ease the burder and again did not take off of work, He is a teacher and had a lot of seniority and probably could have done it, but he didn't want to, I was already thinking that she was not my responsibility anymore, Had I not been in touch with Sis at the time (and that was just pure luck, bad or good), I would not have attended her funeral, Her passing did not make me sad, I didn't really know her in any sort of loving way, My memories of her were of a younger her and a mean her to me,</p><p></p><p>I know my situation is different, But I don't think anyone who isn't kind to us deserves two hours a night of our time, A quick check up call and five minutes of banter maybe, but not two hours, That's a loooooooooong time to talk to ANYONE on the phone!!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 665533, member: 1550"] To both of you, I never felt the responsibility to my mother than you two did and I wonder why, When I called her, as I explained, I wanted to be able to look at myself in the mirror and say I tried as hard as I could, whether or not it was accepted, and then there were my very strong spiritual beliefs, I did not call her so sh e wouldn't be alone or anything like that, I doubt she was alone, I hoped we could come to at least an understanding at the end, but it didn't happen, She didn't want it to happen, Yet she couldn tell me to bugger off, so to speak, I think she liked playing with my head rather than being honest, I w ish she had just told me never to contact her again, The little girl inside of my that wanted a loving mother would have grown up fast and given up, She gave me signals and signs, but did not say the needed words, Yes, the words were necessary, Yet she was malicious about removing her from my life, such as when she had a brain tumor at age 68, This one was benign, She told everyone in FOO, including my father, who was her ex by then and she had no warmth toward him, not to tell me about this tumor, My siblings were so clueless that they never asked why so they couldn't tell me, Or maybe they did know and didn't tell me, If so, just another game, I found out during one of my attempts to reconcile with her, She told me about it herself, When I finally had a chance to ask her why it was such a secret from me, s he said something like, "Well, I know how high strung you are and I didn't want you to worry,,," It was a load of crapola, but that's all she said, I know the truth in my mind, "I don't want her to be involved in this, I don't want to see her, I don't love her," I donn't think I would have gone, by the way, I was trying to reconcile then by phone, but I still cared about myself, I do not believe I would have disrupted my entire family, the kids still in school and hubby at work, and run to Illinois for her operation,. We just were not that close, And my wonderful brother and sister did not rush to her aid when she was discharged four days later, as she explained what had happened after the surgery, She claimed she was afraid to be alone, but they made her go home anyway, She was at risks to have seizures, I didn't know about it as it happened, but my sweet sister and golden child brother did not make arrangements to stay with her, Or say they couldn't, My sis was married at the time and living in a house with a huge mortgage, My brother has money, period, He did not in any way use it to get a private nurse to stay with my mother, She never once dared to mention that both my sister and my brother obviously had the resources, especially together, to do this for her and did not, She didn't tell me because in no way would she ever say a negative thing to me about my brother and, by that time, my sister either, My brother was the one who REALLY had the funds, My sister and her hub were borrowing monthly from her husban'ds father to afford their outrageous mortgage (selfish of them, no? Why not buy a house within your means), But I digress,,,that was the brain tumor story that I hard about years later, My mom got brain cancer eight years later and my sister put her in a home and visited a lot and complained often about how hard it was, Brother did nothing to ease the burder and again did not take off of work, He is a teacher and had a lot of seniority and probably could have done it, but he didn't want to, I was already thinking that she was not my responsibility anymore, Had I not been in touch with Sis at the time (and that was just pure luck, bad or good), I would not have attended her funeral, Her passing did not make me sad, I didn't really know her in any sort of loving way, My memories of her were of a younger her and a mean her to me, I know my situation is different, But I don't think anyone who isn't kind to us deserves two hours a night of our time, A quick check up call and five minutes of banter maybe, but not two hours, That's a loooooooooong time to talk to ANYONE on the phone!!! ;) [/QUOTE]
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