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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 665534" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Serenity, while similar I think each of our situations with subtly different.</p><p></p><p>After a many year separation my Mother did try to make a relationship with me for most of the last 23 years of her life. The most we were out of contact was a year and a half or so. Other than that we spoke many times in a month. </p><p></p><p>Cedar, I think, maintained a relationship with her mother into adulthood.</p><p></p><p>What we share in common was a very, very difficult early life. Very angry mothers who insisted upon complete compliance/submission at whatever cost to their daughters</p><p></p><p>The differences in our adult perspectives I think stem from the differences our relationships with our mothers played out in later life. </p><p></p><p>Your mother never allowed closeness. You cannot make a relationship and play two parts. She withdrew. What can you do with that? In a way, you were lucky. What could she really give you?</p><p></p><p>I think that is the understanding that Cedar and I are coming to, too. There is the understanding that in our relationships with our mothers there were never two people involved. There was the mother and there was the daughter she wanted us to be. Even in adulthood. That must be why I turned into an automaton with my mother in the end. Because I was playing out what I felt she had always wanted me to be. Whether it was true or not.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 665534, member: 18958"] Serenity, while similar I think each of our situations with subtly different. After a many year separation my Mother did try to make a relationship with me for most of the last 23 years of her life. The most we were out of contact was a year and a half or so. Other than that we spoke many times in a month. Cedar, I think, maintained a relationship with her mother into adulthood. What we share in common was a very, very difficult early life. Very angry mothers who insisted upon complete compliance/submission at whatever cost to their daughters The differences in our adult perspectives I think stem from the differences our relationships with our mothers played out in later life. Your mother never allowed closeness. You cannot make a relationship and play two parts. She withdrew. What can you do with that? In a way, you were lucky. What could she really give you? I think that is the understanding that Cedar and I are coming to, too. There is the understanding that in our relationships with our mothers there were never two people involved. There was the mother and there was the daughter she wanted us to be. Even in adulthood. That must be why I turned into an automaton with my mother in the end. Because I was playing out what I felt she had always wanted me to be. Whether it was true or not. [/QUOTE]
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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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