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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 665558" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I did not feel I deserved it, I felt that I deserved to be treated badly because I was bad, That's why I got angry and emoted which is now being called abuse by me to those who truly did abuse me, It just is not my nature to be quiet, I probably made things worse for myself, My sister was very quiet, She took it,. I didn't,</p><p></p><p>The only time I was quiet was while bullied at school because with ten kids standing around me, I did not feel safe talking back,</p><p></p><p>In the end, I do feel I have a strong survival mechanism, But remember that from age 23 on there has been no time I have no been in therapy, most of it very good, and self-help groups and psychologist lead groups too, I was not really alone, I had a support system helping me to see that what happened to me was not my fault, I didn't completely buy it, but as the years fell away, I believed it more and more, Once my sis divorced and I saw th e real her with my own eyes,,,married men, abusive men, weak, weepy, unable to love,,,I realized I never knew her, She got mean maybe because I would not listen to her talk about her boyfriend any more, I recall that as being the real reason she cut me off,</p><p></p><p>If I could think she was a tower of strength, and I did (even knowing about her anorexia,,,I know, it doesn't make sense),,,but I did think she was t he strong one, If I could be so wrong about her and think she had the same moral code I had,,,even my mother would never have dated a married man,,.,,then I knew I could have been wrong about my entire family, Good, kind brother? Is he? I don't know,</p><p></p><p>And I knew I was right about my mother, My sister sees my mother from a position of weaknkess, She NEEDED her love, She let her get away "being mother," She let her do exactly what my grandmother had done that my mother had vowed she'd never do,,,,take her own daughter's side against my sister (sister's daughter who, at the time, was a problem), She probably let her get away with lots of shoot, My sister was not the golden c hild and could not do anything she wanted and still have Mother love, She needed to put up with a lot of crapola, maybe even some abuse, I wasn't there and I don't know for sure, but I do know my mother,</p><p></p><p>"This just mother being mother,"</p><p></p><p>Yes, Abusive,</p><p></p><p>At any rate, this was an early morning rant, I have work today and we're all going out to dinner tonight for Sonic's birthday, You all have a peaceful, serene and happy day, knowing that you are validated, You are believed,. And you both are great <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 665558, member: 1550"] I did not feel I deserved it, I felt that I deserved to be treated badly because I was bad, That's why I got angry and emoted which is now being called abuse by me to those who truly did abuse me, It just is not my nature to be quiet, I probably made things worse for myself, My sister was very quiet, She took it,. I didn't, The only time I was quiet was while bullied at school because with ten kids standing around me, I did not feel safe talking back, In the end, I do feel I have a strong survival mechanism, But remember that from age 23 on there has been no time I have no been in therapy, most of it very good, and self-help groups and psychologist lead groups too, I was not really alone, I had a support system helping me to see that what happened to me was not my fault, I didn't completely buy it, but as the years fell away, I believed it more and more, Once my sis divorced and I saw th e real her with my own eyes,,,married men, abusive men, weak, weepy, unable to love,,,I realized I never knew her, She got mean maybe because I would not listen to her talk about her boyfriend any more, I recall that as being the real reason she cut me off, If I could think she was a tower of strength, and I did (even knowing about her anorexia,,,I know, it doesn't make sense),,,but I did think she was t he strong one, If I could be so wrong about her and think she had the same moral code I had,,,even my mother would never have dated a married man,,.,,then I knew I could have been wrong about my entire family, Good, kind brother? Is he? I don't know, And I knew I was right about my mother, My sister sees my mother from a position of weaknkess, She NEEDED her love, She let her get away "being mother," She let her do exactly what my grandmother had done that my mother had vowed she'd never do,,,,take her own daughter's side against my sister (sister's daughter who, at the time, was a problem), She probably let her get away with lots of shoot, My sister was not the golden c hild and could not do anything she wanted and still have Mother love, She needed to put up with a lot of crapola, maybe even some abuse, I wasn't there and I don't know for sure, but I do know my mother, "This just mother being mother," Yes, Abusive, At any rate, this was an early morning rant, I have work today and we're all going out to dinner tonight for Sonic's birthday, You all have a peaceful, serene and happy day, knowing that you are validated, You are believed,. And you both are great ;) [/QUOTE]
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