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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 666202" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This happens to me, too. There are times when I am so without a place to stand that I can only acknowledge that I don't really know. I have faith in the journey because we have done well thus far. I trust you and Serenity. I trust D H. I am able now to tell him what I need to hear. He is able now to change the color of what I thought I needed, and to respond with something simple and just right.</p><p></p><p>Like when you posted about M sticking his tongue out. What we are doing is serious and scary to us. We don't feel courageous at all, as we come through it. We feel (I do, anyway) vulnerable. Like I'm making terrible errors of judgment. Part of what we are learning is to sit with those kinds of feelings. We are committing rebellion against the negative internal my mother/myself.</p><p></p><p>We are afraid for ourselves; part of us though, is determined to take these risks.</p><p></p><p>My D H, Serenity's D H, and M are able to help us remember laughter. </p><p></p><p>They remind us we are good.</p><p></p><p>In such simple, honest ways as M sticking his tongue out, making fun of your certainty that the old belief systems of self contempt are true things; in the way my D H says "Whatever, Cedar. It was dark in there. I thought you were the dog."</p><p></p><p>And laughter frees us from that hypnotic feeling of self contempt.</p><p></p><p>Laughter is very strengthening, for us.</p><p></p><p>Everything was so deathly serious for us, as our mothers committed full force to cheating us of the innocent grandiosity of childhood.</p><p></p><p>We were raised on negative grandiosity. Images reflected from a dark and broken mirror informed our senses of self.</p><p></p><p>How lucky we are that we can love ourselves through the gentle, simple true things those who love us do for us.</p><p></p><p>There was a time we could not see that. A time when we were too defended maybe, to welcome it.</p><p></p><p>?</p><p></p><p>I don't know.</p><p></p><p>But I do know it makes me happy to think, again and again, of that imagery of M sticking his tongue out and of you, relaxing into all of it.</p><p></p><p>I do think of that more than you know, Copa.</p><p></p><p>I like M very much, because of the simple, easy way he cares for you. That is a definition of cherishing, I think. Simple, easy, real stuff that happens in the every day of life. It heals something in the heart of me, when D H does those kinds of things that make me laugh.</p><p></p><p>I feel accepted, in that moment.</p><p></p><p>It's so strange too, Copa and Serenity. I remember those moments like they shine.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 666202, member: 17461"] This happens to me, too. There are times when I am so without a place to stand that I can only acknowledge that I don't really know. I have faith in the journey because we have done well thus far. I trust you and Serenity. I trust D H. I am able now to tell him what I need to hear. He is able now to change the color of what I thought I needed, and to respond with something simple and just right. Like when you posted about M sticking his tongue out. What we are doing is serious and scary to us. We don't feel courageous at all, as we come through it. We feel (I do, anyway) vulnerable. Like I'm making terrible errors of judgment. Part of what we are learning is to sit with those kinds of feelings. We are committing rebellion against the negative internal my mother/myself. We are afraid for ourselves; part of us though, is determined to take these risks. My D H, Serenity's D H, and M are able to help us remember laughter. They remind us we are good. In such simple, honest ways as M sticking his tongue out, making fun of your certainty that the old belief systems of self contempt are true things; in the way my D H says "Whatever, Cedar. It was dark in there. I thought you were the dog." And laughter frees us from that hypnotic feeling of self contempt. Laughter is very strengthening, for us. Everything was so deathly serious for us, as our mothers committed full force to cheating us of the innocent grandiosity of childhood. We were raised on negative grandiosity. Images reflected from a dark and broken mirror informed our senses of self. How lucky we are that we can love ourselves through the gentle, simple true things those who love us do for us. There was a time we could not see that. A time when we were too defended maybe, to welcome it. ? I don't know. But I do know it makes me happy to think, again and again, of that imagery of M sticking his tongue out and of you, relaxing into all of it. I do think of that more than you know, Copa. I like M very much, because of the simple, easy way he cares for you. That is a definition of cherishing, I think. Simple, easy, real stuff that happens in the every day of life. It heals something in the heart of me, when D H does those kinds of things that make me laugh. I feel accepted, in that moment. It's so strange too, Copa and Serenity. I remember those moments like they shine. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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