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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 666217" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar, don't do anything right now. Pause and reflect.</p><p></p><p>Decisions were thankfully made for me. My sister decided she was the one who cut me off t he last time, although it was really me and I didn't mean for it to be forever, however, in light of reflection and talking to a lot of people who know me well a nd want the best for me, I have decided t hat regardless of whether or not she ever wants to see me again one day, she will never get that opportunity, except at that dreaded, sad funeral, in which I will not be available to her and will be with whomever in my family chooses to come. In other worlds, she will not get me alone and I'm not sure I want my family to even sit with the other two siblings. I've never been a big fan of tradition. I can mourn and love and miss my father no matter where I sit or which parts of the funeral I involve myself in. My own beliefs are not Christian or Jewish and I believe he will know how much I miss him and how I will talk to him still, even if I never went at all. But I'm going. I will try to look forward and that will be the FOO final day as a threesome in the same space.</p><p></p><p>My brother did not outright force me out of his life, but he hasn't been around for so long and I don't feel close to him. The incidents with him being so close to that minor child (which totally creeped me out) and his nasty letter to me that I didn't read, pretty much was the end for us, at least on my part. I have no idea w hat goes on in his head. I know he thinks our mother was terrific. That alone makes me sadly laugh, but she WAS nice to HIM.</p><p></p><p>I actually had signs that I should leave. My sister probably never expected me to drop the gavel and say "you're done forever" but after she read my words here and called me a liar for the truth of them, I am guessing she figured that her chances ran out. As for brother, it is pretty easy as we have nothing in common.</p><p></p><p>It is easy to say good-bye the way it happened to me. </p><p></p><p>My sister was always in control.She controlled when she was kind enough (cough) to speak to me and when I was a bad girl and needed a "time out" from her. She lost that power. I feel as if it is my decision now. That is empowering. </p><p></p><p>Cedar, you have to be ready to feel good about it. </p><p></p><p>You can also do "medium chill." When you have to be in contact with one of them, don't engage them. Say, "Oh." "Yes." "No." "Wow." "Interesting." "I see." Don't give them anything to use and they will get bored and probably terminate the contact fast. That is one way to sort of stay in minimal touch with somebody whom you don't like very much and don't want to whisper your secrets to. If they ask something personal, like "Are you going to go up North next weekend?" just say "We haven't decided." </p><p></p><p>I am practicing medium chill with even people I like, such as co-workers, just to see how well it works...lol. It's great.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 666217, member: 1550"] Cedar, don't do anything right now. Pause and reflect. Decisions were thankfully made for me. My sister decided she was the one who cut me off t he last time, although it was really me and I didn't mean for it to be forever, however, in light of reflection and talking to a lot of people who know me well a nd want the best for me, I have decided t hat regardless of whether or not she ever wants to see me again one day, she will never get that opportunity, except at that dreaded, sad funeral, in which I will not be available to her and will be with whomever in my family chooses to come. In other worlds, she will not get me alone and I'm not sure I want my family to even sit with the other two siblings. I've never been a big fan of tradition. I can mourn and love and miss my father no matter where I sit or which parts of the funeral I involve myself in. My own beliefs are not Christian or Jewish and I believe he will know how much I miss him and how I will talk to him still, even if I never went at all. But I'm going. I will try to look forward and that will be the FOO final day as a threesome in the same space. My brother did not outright force me out of his life, but he hasn't been around for so long and I don't feel close to him. The incidents with him being so close to that minor child (which totally creeped me out) and his nasty letter to me that I didn't read, pretty much was the end for us, at least on my part. I have no idea w hat goes on in his head. I know he thinks our mother was terrific. That alone makes me sadly laugh, but she WAS nice to HIM. I actually had signs that I should leave. My sister probably never expected me to drop the gavel and say "you're done forever" but after she read my words here and called me a liar for the truth of them, I am guessing she figured that her chances ran out. As for brother, it is pretty easy as we have nothing in common. It is easy to say good-bye the way it happened to me. My sister was always in control.She controlled when she was kind enough (cough) to speak to me and when I was a bad girl and needed a "time out" from her. She lost that power. I feel as if it is my decision now. That is empowering. Cedar, you have to be ready to feel good about it. You can also do "medium chill." When you have to be in contact with one of them, don't engage them. Say, "Oh." "Yes." "No." "Wow." "Interesting." "I see." Don't give them anything to use and they will get bored and probably terminate the contact fast. That is one way to sort of stay in minimal touch with somebody whom you don't like very much and don't want to whisper your secrets to. If they ask something personal, like "Are you going to go up North next weekend?" just say "We haven't decided." I am practicing medium chill with even people I like, such as co-workers, just to see how well it works...lol. It's great. [/QUOTE]
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