Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 666220" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think each of our mothers has/had personality issues, pervasive and fixed ways of seeing themselves and others that they could not think their way out of. Yes, I believe they knew. They chose. And hypothetically, they could have chosen differently. They did not because while they may have known another way to be <em>for others being who they were...they could not or would not choose differently for themselves.</em> While we were their victims, they were their own victims too.</p><p></p><p>A living example, I think, is Cedar's mother. Here it seems she was offered true love and devotion from the Greek Orthodox priest. And what does she do, decide to end her life continuing to play Macchiavelli with her younger daughter. Has she not had enough excluding and ridiculing and being mean and small? I believe that although she could have chosen differently because of her personality limits, really could not find it in her. </p><p></p><p>She <em>could call </em>Cedar, who I know she loves...but she cannot rise to the level to do it...even for herself...just as my mother could not tell me she was sorry...but she could tell M's sister that she would tell me she was sorry.</p><p>I think it is different for each mother. My mother had high self esteem, was extremely guilty and defensive and ultimately fearful. Cedar's mother seems to have an imperious and mean streak and likes to play G-d. What unifies them is the fixed and rigid limits of each...and their willingness, indeed, indifference to sacrifice their children, to their own needs. </p><p></p><p>Still I believe they did what they were built to do, by their early lives. Which they never rose above. While people with personality disorders now routinely seek out psychotherapy (because of available and effective psychotherapies, i.e. DBT) there were no such options during the lifetimes of our mothers and the norm to do so, was not there.</p><p></p><p>I have empathy for our mothers. I think my own mother did the best she could do. I am gratified that she sought therapy from her fifties on...I think it made a difference.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 666220, member: 18958"] I think each of our mothers has/had personality issues, pervasive and fixed ways of seeing themselves and others that they could not think their way out of. Yes, I believe they knew. They chose. And hypothetically, they could have chosen differently. They did not because while they may have known another way to be [I]for others being who they were...they could not or would not choose differently for themselves.[/I] While we were their victims, they were their own victims too. A living example, I think, is Cedar's mother. Here it seems she was offered true love and devotion from the Greek Orthodox priest. And what does she do, decide to end her life continuing to play Macchiavelli with her younger daughter. Has she not had enough excluding and ridiculing and being mean and small? I believe that although she could have chosen differently because of her personality limits, really could not find it in her. She [I]could call [/I]Cedar, who I know she loves...but she cannot rise to the level to do it...even for herself...just as my mother could not tell me she was sorry...but she could tell M's sister that she would tell me she was sorry. I think it is different for each mother. My mother had high self esteem, was extremely guilty and defensive and ultimately fearful. Cedar's mother seems to have an imperious and mean streak and likes to play G-d. What unifies them is the fixed and rigid limits of each...and their willingness, indeed, indifference to sacrifice their children, to their own needs. Still I believe they did what they were built to do, by their early lives. Which they never rose above. While people with personality disorders now routinely seek out psychotherapy (because of available and effective psychotherapies, i.e. DBT) there were no such options during the lifetimes of our mothers and the norm to do so, was not there. I have empathy for our mothers. I think my own mother did the best she could do. I am gratified that she sought therapy from her fifties on...I think it made a difference. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
Top