Very glad it worked out!! Definitely will put your new marriage to the test, having to deal with difficult children on both sides!
I do think it is important with familiies in general, and in particular step kids to let the original family member deal with the rest of the family. I have not had the issue of step kids but have had the issue of difficult in-laws.....and although there have been times when I would like to give my mother in law (or my father in law) a piece of my mind I have always talked about with my husband and let him do the dirty work. So in the future I recommend you and your husband talk things through and like you said have a naked conversation about the issue but I would let him be the one to communicate things with his daughter. If she actually at some point comes to live with you then that might be a different story but until then leave it to him.
I am really glad that at least for now she is not coming.
And Janet.... my story has a lot of similarities to yours. My parents got divorced after 38 years of marriage and my dad eventually remarried an old family friend!! Created some major family tension.... the difference was my mom was a gem and she and I were very close.... but I did not have a good relationship with my dad for a long time.
TL
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