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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 607696" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>IAD, Cedar has given you awesome words of wisdom from her own experience. Good job Cedar!</p><p></p><p>The word I am responding to is WORRY. How do we stop the worry? </p><p></p><p>Well, I have been the worlds most proficient worrier.............and to have a difficult child for a kid just increases mastery of worry and brings it to an art form..............you know what I mean.............First of all almost all worry is future tripping, so right off the bat, you have to stay here in the present. It's clearly a practice.</p><p></p><p>The planning ahead is a good thing unless it's all based in fear. Which it likely is, we get trained in difficult child combat and like old soldiers or old cops, it's hard to get back to being a civilian once again. But, it can be done. Practice........</p><p></p><p>What I did when the worry would begin is say to myself, w<em>ait one little minute here, absolutely nothing has changed here in my reality, I am still here in the chair, I still have that piece of chocolate I was about to bite into, I am healthy, everything is okay</em>............until that phone rang............or difficult child showed up...............or whatever the drama is..................I drag myself back to the present moment and force myself to recognize that NOTHING has changed except I've just been invited into a drama I didn't create.</p><p></p><p>Reading The power of Now, by Eckhardt Tolle, as Cedar mentioned, helped me too.</p><p></p><p>The 2nd thing I practice is gratitude. I read once that gratitude is the antidote to worry. Also a practice. So, once the worry starts, you shift your thinking with getting into the present moment...........then start to recall what you are grateful for.............it takes a little practice but what happens is you shift your perception out of fear and 'what if', to, AHHHHHHH, (deep breath) all is okay. Right here in this moment, all is okay and I have a lot to be grateful for. After awhile, you can do that pretty quickly. </p><p></p><p>Recognizing that your difficult child has indeed trained you to show up like an EMT is also something to remember. If all hell breaks loose in your life, due to difficult child antics, you can absolutely trust yourself to know exactly what to do when the time comes. You don't have to spend eternity preparing for the disaster, attempting to do whatever it takes to avoid it or get enough armor on to not be hurt..........relax.............if the time comes, believe me, you will jump into action like a Navy Seal. <em>Trusting ourselves</em> to be able to do that helps to relax in the moment when there is really nothing wrong, just our overactive 'scared out of our wits minds' at the ready. You can't stay prepared for war every second of the day, that's PTSD, and although many of us here have that, I really wouldn't recommend it as a lifestyle choice. </p><p></p><p>A huge help to me in the overall big picture is acupuncture, which relaxes the entire body, mind, emotions and spirit on a very deep level and gently invites our worn out selves to remember how to relax. I've gone enough now where I can sustain REAL relaxation for long periods of time. You have to keep going until your body remembers how to relax. And, it helps with all the worrying too. There are actual pressure points which relate to fear and worry. </p><p></p><p>Another point to remember is continuing exercise, like walking, which changes endorphins. Meditation. Therapy. Massages. Mani/pedis. Getting out of town, even just for a day. In other words, taking care of YOU. I have found my ability to let go of worry is directly proportionate to the level of self care I practice on a daily basis. Nurturing ourselves, filling up the empty spaces within which have been depleted by difficult child antics, is in my humble opinion, absolutely imperative. What is such an irony is that many women just have no idea how to take care of themselves......... and at the same time we can be experts at caring for others. Problem with that is, one day we hit a huge wall when we are completely depleted. Makes more sense to balance that energy and make sure it's equal.</p><p></p><p>Remember that worry is FEAR. Fear is "false evidence appearing real." Most of what we fear in life never happens. Think about how many hours/days/weeks/months/years you've already spent worrying about stuff that didn't happen. That alone should make you want to stop worrying. </p><p></p><p>Laughter. Laughter interrupts worry. My SO is a master at saying the funniest thing right in the middle of a huge upset with my difficult child. He will say something so funny and yet which has a ring of difficult child truth to it.............and it's really, really hard to be cracking up and worrying at the same time. Plus once the laughter has subsided, it's equally as hard to bring that fear back again.</p><p></p><p>Another thing you can do is place your worry into a time slot. You get to worry from 9 AM to 10 AM every day. <u>And that's it.</u> Next week, you get to worry 9 AM to 9:15...........the following week, 9 AM to 9:05. That's it!</p><p></p><p>Cedar and I have given you a number of avenues to move off of the difficult child FEAR path and onto a different path. It all takes intention, commitment, practice and patience. It doesn't happen overnight. My ultimate goal was peace of mind, that deep sense of calm and well being, no matter what is going on in my life. I have a saying on my desk at work which says, "Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions." That pretty much sums it up, doesn't it?</p><p></p><p>Think of the alternatives. Think of yourself 10 years from now experiencing the same thing. That would be gruesome. </p><p></p><p>Sending you lots of good thoughts and hugs............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 607696, member: 13542"] IAD, Cedar has given you awesome words of wisdom from her own experience. Good job Cedar! The word I am responding to is WORRY. How do we stop the worry? Well, I have been the worlds most proficient worrier.............and to have a difficult child for a kid just increases mastery of worry and brings it to an art form..............you know what I mean.............First of all almost all worry is future tripping, so right off the bat, you have to stay here in the present. It's clearly a practice. The planning ahead is a good thing unless it's all based in fear. Which it likely is, we get trained in difficult child combat and like old soldiers or old cops, it's hard to get back to being a civilian once again. But, it can be done. Practice........ What I did when the worry would begin is say to myself, w[I]ait one little minute here, absolutely nothing has changed here in my reality, I am still here in the chair, I still have that piece of chocolate I was about to bite into, I am healthy, everything is okay[/I]............until that phone rang............or difficult child showed up...............or whatever the drama is..................I drag myself back to the present moment and force myself to recognize that NOTHING has changed except I've just been invited into a drama I didn't create. Reading The power of Now, by Eckhardt Tolle, as Cedar mentioned, helped me too. The 2nd thing I practice is gratitude. I read once that gratitude is the antidote to worry. Also a practice. So, once the worry starts, you shift your thinking with getting into the present moment...........then start to recall what you are grateful for.............it takes a little practice but what happens is you shift your perception out of fear and 'what if', to, AHHHHHHH, (deep breath) all is okay. Right here in this moment, all is okay and I have a lot to be grateful for. After awhile, you can do that pretty quickly. Recognizing that your difficult child has indeed trained you to show up like an EMT is also something to remember. If all hell breaks loose in your life, due to difficult child antics, you can absolutely trust yourself to know exactly what to do when the time comes. You don't have to spend eternity preparing for the disaster, attempting to do whatever it takes to avoid it or get enough armor on to not be hurt..........relax.............if the time comes, believe me, you will jump into action like a Navy Seal. [I]Trusting ourselves[/I] to be able to do that helps to relax in the moment when there is really nothing wrong, just our overactive 'scared out of our wits minds' at the ready. You can't stay prepared for war every second of the day, that's PTSD, and although many of us here have that, I really wouldn't recommend it as a lifestyle choice. A huge help to me in the overall big picture is acupuncture, which relaxes the entire body, mind, emotions and spirit on a very deep level and gently invites our worn out selves to remember how to relax. I've gone enough now where I can sustain REAL relaxation for long periods of time. You have to keep going until your body remembers how to relax. And, it helps with all the worrying too. There are actual pressure points which relate to fear and worry. Another point to remember is continuing exercise, like walking, which changes endorphins. Meditation. Therapy. Massages. Mani/pedis. Getting out of town, even just for a day. In other words, taking care of YOU. I have found my ability to let go of worry is directly proportionate to the level of self care I practice on a daily basis. Nurturing ourselves, filling up the empty spaces within which have been depleted by difficult child antics, is in my humble opinion, absolutely imperative. What is such an irony is that many women just have no idea how to take care of themselves......... and at the same time we can be experts at caring for others. Problem with that is, one day we hit a huge wall when we are completely depleted. Makes more sense to balance that energy and make sure it's equal. Remember that worry is FEAR. Fear is "false evidence appearing real." Most of what we fear in life never happens. Think about how many hours/days/weeks/months/years you've already spent worrying about stuff that didn't happen. That alone should make you want to stop worrying. Laughter. Laughter interrupts worry. My SO is a master at saying the funniest thing right in the middle of a huge upset with my difficult child. He will say something so funny and yet which has a ring of difficult child truth to it.............and it's really, really hard to be cracking up and worrying at the same time. Plus once the laughter has subsided, it's equally as hard to bring that fear back again. Another thing you can do is place your worry into a time slot. You get to worry from 9 AM to 10 AM every day. [U]And that's it.[/U] Next week, you get to worry 9 AM to 9:15...........the following week, 9 AM to 9:05. That's it! Cedar and I have given you a number of avenues to move off of the difficult child FEAR path and onto a different path. It all takes intention, commitment, practice and patience. It doesn't happen overnight. My ultimate goal was peace of mind, that deep sense of calm and well being, no matter what is going on in my life. I have a saying on my desk at work which says, "Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions." That pretty much sums it up, doesn't it? Think of the alternatives. Think of yourself 10 years from now experiencing the same thing. That would be gruesome. Sending you lots of good thoughts and hugs............ [/QUOTE]
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