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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 350579" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Wow Janet, that hit the nail right on the head. </p><p></p><p>Any clues on how to approach her to find out for sure what happened that night? I have a strong feeling if she gets an opportunity to "confess all" and discover that we're not going to hate her for it that the self destruction will stop. I of course can't speak for ex boyfriend.....but he told sister in law that he hasn't given up yet. He's waiting 2 months for her to come around. That surprised me. Maybe he does really love her. I know he tried awfully hard to get her to come back.</p><p></p><p>Ex boyfriend said when she came to pick up her clothes she came early. It was the day she quit work. He expected an ugly scene. But she sat on the couch and made small talk.....and didn't seem eager to leave, stayed about an hour. I told boyfriend she was trying to work up the courage to ask to come home. I sort of blurted it out, didn't mean to. But I recognize the behavior.......I did it to husband many years ago when we were separated / divorced. Took me 3 tries before I finally bit the bullet and came out and asked. Like I said, we're more alike than she'll ever know. lol husband had been trying to patch up our relationship for almost a year....and <strong>still</strong> I was terrified of being rejected by him. Sigh I don't think she expected him to really move out of the apartment. She told me that she told him to stay there and she'd continue to pay her half of the rent. Which also tells me she thinks she did something terribly wrong. If this was a break up for break up sake, she'd have told him to stuff it, not volunteered to pay it.</p><p></p><p>I dunno how ex boyfriend would react if such a situation occurred. But sad part is she'll never know either if she doesn't come clean. Even if they don't get back together..........it's just not worth throwing her life away. Things happen......people make mistakes. Part of real life. </p><p></p><p>I know that Nichole loves ex boyfriend with her whole heart. (she doesn't do things half way) I find it impossible to believe that she would sleep with another man while still in a relationship with him unless the man took advantage of her and coerced her into it with alcohol (or something else) or forced her. Not the girl who is so firm in her belief that cheating is unforgivable under all circumstances. She'd have to stand in front of me, look me in the eye, and tell me while I could read her expression. (cuz I always know when she's lying to me) And heck, if she's as much like me as I think she is.......even if he forced her.....she's still thinking it's her fault because she put herself into the situation even though I warned her never to go into that house without me.</p><p></p><p>She looks like h*ll. by the way. Certainly not how one should look who is so blissfully happy. Sigh</p><p></p><p>D*mn. And Mom is feeling mighty low thanks to my reaction to the whole thing. I let her down. Yeah, I'm no mind reader, but when you need your Mom to figure out what's wrong during the worst moment in your life, you're going to be devastated when she doesn't. No wonder she's so mad at me.</p><p></p><p>Worst yet? I still don't know what the heck to do about it. Crud and double Crud.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 350579, member: 84"] Wow Janet, that hit the nail right on the head. Any clues on how to approach her to find out for sure what happened that night? I have a strong feeling if she gets an opportunity to "confess all" and discover that we're not going to hate her for it that the self destruction will stop. I of course can't speak for ex boyfriend.....but he told sister in law that he hasn't given up yet. He's waiting 2 months for her to come around. That surprised me. Maybe he does really love her. I know he tried awfully hard to get her to come back. Ex boyfriend said when she came to pick up her clothes she came early. It was the day she quit work. He expected an ugly scene. But she sat on the couch and made small talk.....and didn't seem eager to leave, stayed about an hour. I told boyfriend she was trying to work up the courage to ask to come home. I sort of blurted it out, didn't mean to. But I recognize the behavior.......I did it to husband many years ago when we were separated / divorced. Took me 3 tries before I finally bit the bullet and came out and asked. Like I said, we're more alike than she'll ever know. lol husband had been trying to patch up our relationship for almost a year....and [B]still[/B] I was terrified of being rejected by him. Sigh I don't think she expected him to really move out of the apartment. She told me that she told him to stay there and she'd continue to pay her half of the rent. Which also tells me she thinks she did something terribly wrong. If this was a break up for break up sake, she'd have told him to stuff it, not volunteered to pay it. I dunno how ex boyfriend would react if such a situation occurred. But sad part is she'll never know either if she doesn't come clean. Even if they don't get back together..........it's just not worth throwing her life away. Things happen......people make mistakes. Part of real life. I know that Nichole loves ex boyfriend with her whole heart. (she doesn't do things half way) I find it impossible to believe that she would sleep with another man while still in a relationship with him unless the man took advantage of her and coerced her into it with alcohol (or something else) or forced her. Not the girl who is so firm in her belief that cheating is unforgivable under all circumstances. She'd have to stand in front of me, look me in the eye, and tell me while I could read her expression. (cuz I always know when she's lying to me) And heck, if she's as much like me as I think she is.......even if he forced her.....she's still thinking it's her fault because she put herself into the situation even though I warned her never to go into that house without me. She looks like h*ll. by the way. Certainly not how one should look who is so blissfully happy. Sigh D*mn. And Mom is feeling mighty low thanks to my reaction to the whole thing. I let her down. Yeah, I'm no mind reader, but when you need your Mom to figure out what's wrong during the worst moment in your life, you're going to be devastated when she doesn't. No wonder she's so mad at me. Worst yet? I still don't know what the heck to do about it. Crud and double Crud.:frowny: [/QUOTE]
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