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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 350621" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Given her mindset on cheating, and your closeness to her, your similarities with her, I would say it is highly likely you are on the right track. That doesn't mean that you have to fix this for her. If it feels right at some point to tell her that if something happened, well, it is the "new" guy's mo to get a girl drunk and take advantage, and that IF it happened to her that you would understand and that you don't hate her and are not mad at her, well, that might help. Or it might not. You have to follow your instincts on how to handle this.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion there are times as a parent to follow your head and times to follow your instincts. Given that this guy is not a great guy (maybe not as awful as you thought he was, given that much of what you know came from your mentally ill drug addicted bff, so it may or may not be all true), and that she has upended every single thing in her life with no warning, it may be that it is a time that she needs you to follow instinct. However, she IS an adult, so if you end up upsetting her and getting WW3, it is NOT totally your fault. She has to be responsible for her own actions in this.</p><p></p><p>She may need you to figure it out and confront her. But even if you never do that, it is NOT your fault that she has made these choices. You are not responsible for her current actions, nor any future actions. Yes, she seems to be in turmoil and punishing herself. But it is partly a choice.</p><p></p><p>I know a while back you had some worries about her having similar mental problems as your mother. What role is that playing in this? It seems to me that there is some delusional thinking going on, though I cannot pinpoint where. Please think about that as you try to figure out what to do.</p><p></p><p>As I have said many times, the biggest mistakes I have made as a parent have been made when I ignored my instincts. </p><p></p><p>Love you, and am hoping for the best possible outcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 350621, member: 1233"] Given her mindset on cheating, and your closeness to her, your similarities with her, I would say it is highly likely you are on the right track. That doesn't mean that you have to fix this for her. If it feels right at some point to tell her that if something happened, well, it is the "new" guy's mo to get a girl drunk and take advantage, and that IF it happened to her that you would understand and that you don't hate her and are not mad at her, well, that might help. Or it might not. You have to follow your instincts on how to handle this. in my opinion there are times as a parent to follow your head and times to follow your instincts. Given that this guy is not a great guy (maybe not as awful as you thought he was, given that much of what you know came from your mentally ill drug addicted bff, so it may or may not be all true), and that she has upended every single thing in her life with no warning, it may be that it is a time that she needs you to follow instinct. However, she IS an adult, so if you end up upsetting her and getting WW3, it is NOT totally your fault. She has to be responsible for her own actions in this. She may need you to figure it out and confront her. But even if you never do that, it is NOT your fault that she has made these choices. You are not responsible for her current actions, nor any future actions. Yes, she seems to be in turmoil and punishing herself. But it is partly a choice. I know a while back you had some worries about her having similar mental problems as your mother. What role is that playing in this? It seems to me that there is some delusional thinking going on, though I cannot pinpoint where. Please think about that as you try to figure out what to do. As I have said many times, the biggest mistakes I have made as a parent have been made when I ignored my instincts. Love you, and am hoping for the best possible outcome. [/QUOTE]
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