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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 350632" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>You've no clue how much I appreciate the input and advice.</p><p></p><p>My dilemma is that through a big part of this mess I wasn't behaving normally myself. My <strong>normal</strong> reaction would've been to pin her down and force her to tell me wth was going on and what she was thinking and not let her walk away until she'd done so. Let the chips fall where they may. But she'd have known where she stood with me regardless of what she'd decided to do from the get go. I wouldn't have told her what to do. But I would have given her the pros / cons and shown her options available to her. When I failed to behave normally........which she may have consciously or unconsciously depended on me to do.......it made it worse. </p><p></p><p>Yeah. I know, regardless of what I did or didn't do they're still her decisions.</p><p></p><p>What do my instincts tell me? At the moment, they're screaming at me that if I don't start behaving like my normal self and do something, Nichole is going to continue to self destruct until there is no turning back. If I let her know that I've figured it out and force her to talk about it.......and get the opportunity to tell her it does nothing to change how I feel about her, how the family will feel about her......and she pushes me away.....she will at least <strong>know</strong> <strong>that</strong> and will have that running through her head while she is with the man. But if I continue walking on egg shells afraid to tell her what I'm really thinking and feeling, it's going to get worse.</p><p></p><p>How do I know? Two additional tidbits of news has trickled in. Nichole is drinking. I repeat, Nichole is not a drinker. And seems she can't leave the house without bff's husband. He even <strong>drove</strong> her over to ex boyfriend's house and waited in the car for her to come out again. Ex boyfriend says the last several times he has seen Nichole the bff's husband is always waiting in the car and even if she wanted to talk she probably felt like she couldn't. This information is not sitting well with me and it has my mother radar going off the charts.</p><p></p><p>No. I can't fix this for her. But I can try to convince her that it isn't the end of the world, that her family is still behind her 100 percent, that we understand she is as human as the rest of us, and that we will be there to help her put her life back together if she wants us to be. After that it will have to all be up to her. I can't force her to stop punishing herself. But I can't even tell her those things without telling her I've pretty much figured out what happened. ugh </p><p></p><p>Basically your typical no win situation. </p><p></p><p>How I'll go about it I haven't a clue. I'm not going to call her up and confront her. Oh, yeah....like that would go well. lol It looks at this point that I'm going to have to keep an eye out for an opening and then seize the moment. If that moment doesn't come around in a timely manner..........(school starts tomorrow limiting the time I have to see her) I may just have to come up with a way to create one.</p><p></p><p>Not trying to fix it. Not trying to make her decisions. Just trying to let her see that she's allowed to make mistakes without everyone she cares about hating her for it. Something I really believe she <strong>needs </strong>to know right now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 350632, member: 84"] You've no clue how much I appreciate the input and advice. My dilemma is that through a big part of this mess I wasn't behaving normally myself. My [B]normal[/B] reaction would've been to pin her down and force her to tell me wth was going on and what she was thinking and not let her walk away until she'd done so. Let the chips fall where they may. But she'd have known where she stood with me regardless of what she'd decided to do from the get go. I wouldn't have told her what to do. But I would have given her the pros / cons and shown her options available to her. When I failed to behave normally........which she may have consciously or unconsciously depended on me to do.......it made it worse. Yeah. I know, regardless of what I did or didn't do they're still her decisions. What do my instincts tell me? At the moment, they're screaming at me that if I don't start behaving like my normal self and do something, Nichole is going to continue to self destruct until there is no turning back. If I let her know that I've figured it out and force her to talk about it.......and get the opportunity to tell her it does nothing to change how I feel about her, how the family will feel about her......and she pushes me away.....she will at least [B]know[/B] [B]that[/B] and will have that running through her head while she is with the man. But if I continue walking on egg shells afraid to tell her what I'm really thinking and feeling, it's going to get worse. How do I know? Two additional tidbits of news has trickled in. Nichole is drinking. I repeat, Nichole is not a drinker. And seems she can't leave the house without bff's husband. He even [B]drove[/B] her over to ex boyfriend's house and waited in the car for her to come out again. Ex boyfriend says the last several times he has seen Nichole the bff's husband is always waiting in the car and even if she wanted to talk she probably felt like she couldn't. This information is not sitting well with me and it has my mother radar going off the charts. No. I can't fix this for her. But I can try to convince her that it isn't the end of the world, that her family is still behind her 100 percent, that we understand she is as human as the rest of us, and that we will be there to help her put her life back together if she wants us to be. After that it will have to all be up to her. I can't force her to stop punishing herself. But I can't even tell her those things without telling her I've pretty much figured out what happened. ugh Basically your typical no win situation. How I'll go about it I haven't a clue. I'm not going to call her up and confront her. Oh, yeah....like that would go well. lol It looks at this point that I'm going to have to keep an eye out for an opening and then seize the moment. If that moment doesn't come around in a timely manner..........(school starts tomorrow limiting the time I have to see her) I may just have to come up with a way to create one. Not trying to fix it. Not trying to make her decisions. Just trying to let her see that she's allowed to make mistakes without everyone she cares about hating her for it. Something I really believe she [B]needs [/B]to know right now. [/QUOTE]
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