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Input / Opinions Needed Please
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 350693" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>HD, </p><p></p><p>Non-specifically speaking? Women who have and stay in controlling/abusive relationships and do not get counseling? Do not just luck out and get the nice fairy-tale Prince Charming guy and live happily ever after. What they do get more than likely for life and a perpetual cycle for THEIR CHILDREN ESPECIALLY THEIR DAUGHTERS is an example of exactly how to go from bad relationship to bad relationship without ever knowing what a good one is like. </p><p>Why? </p><p>Because they NEVER EVER take the time in between hops from this guy and that bed to that guy and hops to that bed and don't put themselves before sex and their emotional drive to feel "needed, wanted, cared for" by a man. The truth of the matter is if they took just ONE little bit of their lives off from looser boyfriends and men who were abusive and controlling and found out WHO THEY WERE, WHAT THEIR GOALS WERE, WHAT THEY WOULD AND WOULD NOT TOLERATE FOR REAL in their lives and got rid of things like RAGE, ANGER, and truly found their SELF WORTH? They would attract more men that would literally fall all OVER themselves and give up THEIR little quirks to please HER. Not all of them - because no one is perfect. And I'm not talking that you'd go from getting the Macho, sexy, buff, rough, bad boys to little geeky nerdy guys....Heck I got a biker...(swear I looked up at God and said 'Is this a TEST?'" </p><p></p><p>So maybe instead of trying to figure out WHY she's doing what she's doing? (because that's a given as far as I'm concerned - she's looking for something she wants but can't ever have and you can't convince her of it until she believes it in herself and she doesn't and won't believe it until: SHE DOES THE WORK. Sadly if she does NOT? Aubrey could end up doing exactly like her Mom - falling for guys who fill a superficial need instead of really giving her the things that a real relationship needs. </p><p></p><p>Honestly - the mans wife isn't even cold and he's screwing around with someone else? Yeah - he's a winner. (If I have this right) And even if I don't -What kind of man just moves another mans' woman in without making sure they are through when her daughter is still there with him? He's so low class he doesn't even have a class. Yet this is who she thinks is Mr. Wonderful and is going to take care of HER? Yeah right. She's thinking with her hoo-haw not her brains. - So I'd tell her to go have a trist, get it out of her system, then leave the boyfriend, leave the trist and get herself into some counseling, stave off all the hoo-haw activities for a year - get her mind right for herself, her daughter and when she starts to figure out who she is, what she REALLY wants, what she'll put up with in a relationship and is HAPPY with Nicole? THEN.....seek ye out a trist. A good one. One that respects you, will do things for you, support you in all ways.....and will take CARE OF YOU and puts YOU FIRST. </p><p></p><p>Other than that? She's going to have to figure it out the hard way =over and over and over and over and over and over and over. ANd over and over and over and over and over....and eventually Aubrey is going to get to dating age and by then it's going to be too late because the pattern is set and voila....repeat this with Aubrey. Whether anyone likes it or not. There is a smidge of chance that she could be so turned off by her Mom's behaviors that she could go the other way but statistically speaking? Not very much of a percentage. THAT makes me just sad. </p><p></p><p>My best suggestion for you HD? Take yourself to the Womens Shelter and get ALL the advice you can get and after you have a few meetings under YOUR belt? Invite N to go with you. Breaking the cycle is about all you can do for her. Trying to figure it out? You'll never do it. You'll just make yourself nuts and waste a bunch of time you could spend helping her get to therapy and meetings. </p><p></p><p>Hugs & Love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 350693, member: 4964"] HD, Non-specifically speaking? Women who have and stay in controlling/abusive relationships and do not get counseling? Do not just luck out and get the nice fairy-tale Prince Charming guy and live happily ever after. What they do get more than likely for life and a perpetual cycle for THEIR CHILDREN ESPECIALLY THEIR DAUGHTERS is an example of exactly how to go from bad relationship to bad relationship without ever knowing what a good one is like. Why? Because they NEVER EVER take the time in between hops from this guy and that bed to that guy and hops to that bed and don't put themselves before sex and their emotional drive to feel "needed, wanted, cared for" by a man. The truth of the matter is if they took just ONE little bit of their lives off from looser boyfriends and men who were abusive and controlling and found out WHO THEY WERE, WHAT THEIR GOALS WERE, WHAT THEY WOULD AND WOULD NOT TOLERATE FOR REAL in their lives and got rid of things like RAGE, ANGER, and truly found their SELF WORTH? They would attract more men that would literally fall all OVER themselves and give up THEIR little quirks to please HER. Not all of them - because no one is perfect. And I'm not talking that you'd go from getting the Macho, sexy, buff, rough, bad boys to little geeky nerdy guys....Heck I got a biker...(swear I looked up at God and said 'Is this a TEST?'" So maybe instead of trying to figure out WHY she's doing what she's doing? (because that's a given as far as I'm concerned - she's looking for something she wants but can't ever have and you can't convince her of it until she believes it in herself and she doesn't and won't believe it until: SHE DOES THE WORK. Sadly if she does NOT? Aubrey could end up doing exactly like her Mom - falling for guys who fill a superficial need instead of really giving her the things that a real relationship needs. Honestly - the mans wife isn't even cold and he's screwing around with someone else? Yeah - he's a winner. (If I have this right) And even if I don't -What kind of man just moves another mans' woman in without making sure they are through when her daughter is still there with him? He's so low class he doesn't even have a class. Yet this is who she thinks is Mr. Wonderful and is going to take care of HER? Yeah right. She's thinking with her hoo-haw not her brains. - So I'd tell her to go have a trist, get it out of her system, then leave the boyfriend, leave the trist and get herself into some counseling, stave off all the hoo-haw activities for a year - get her mind right for herself, her daughter and when she starts to figure out who she is, what she REALLY wants, what she'll put up with in a relationship and is HAPPY with Nicole? THEN.....seek ye out a trist. A good one. One that respects you, will do things for you, support you in all ways.....and will take CARE OF YOU and puts YOU FIRST. Other than that? She's going to have to figure it out the hard way =over and over and over and over and over and over and over. ANd over and over and over and over and over....and eventually Aubrey is going to get to dating age and by then it's going to be too late because the pattern is set and voila....repeat this with Aubrey. Whether anyone likes it or not. There is a smidge of chance that she could be so turned off by her Mom's behaviors that she could go the other way but statistically speaking? Not very much of a percentage. THAT makes me just sad. My best suggestion for you HD? Take yourself to the Womens Shelter and get ALL the advice you can get and after you have a few meetings under YOUR belt? Invite N to go with you. Breaking the cycle is about all you can do for her. Trying to figure it out? You'll never do it. You'll just make yourself nuts and waste a bunch of time you could spend helping her get to therapy and meetings. Hugs & Love. [/QUOTE]
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