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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 629967" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Shiela, </p><p></p><p>I am sorry you are in such a dark place right now. It's clear that you have to help yourself first. You need to put any energy that you do have on finding all of the available support possible right now for you. </p><p></p><p>Your son is a grown man who will have to deal with his problems on his own. You can't help him right now, even if you wanted to, because you have your own plate full. </p><p></p><p>I truly don't know anybody who can live successfully with an active addict. I don't think it's possible. I know I don't want to live in the same house with my son for even one night when he is using any substances. His behavior and his thinking are all way out of whack. And he doesn't "do his part" at all, so that doesn't work either. I end up full of resentment, and slowly I just go nuts.</p><p>So that won't be happening again. I am now living by the 51% rule---I am at least 1% more important than he is. </p><p></p><p>Shiela, you need to get help not only for yourself, but also so you can gain the strength to set boundaries with your son. It's clear that you love him, and by setting boundaries with him about what you will and won't do, you are giving him some space to perhaps take responsibility for his own life. Perhaps not. For sure, as long as you're going to do it for him, he won't. </p><p></p><p>There are so many services out there for people without resources---please start finding out about them and get as much help as you can as soon as you can. </p><p></p><p>There is a great life out there to be had by you, Shiela, whether your son continues to abuse heroin or not. </p><p></p><p>We care. I am very sorry for your pain.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 629967, member: 17542"] Shiela, I am sorry you are in such a dark place right now. It's clear that you have to help yourself first. You need to put any energy that you do have on finding all of the available support possible right now for you. Your son is a grown man who will have to deal with his problems on his own. You can't help him right now, even if you wanted to, because you have your own plate full. I truly don't know anybody who can live successfully with an active addict. I don't think it's possible. I know I don't want to live in the same house with my son for even one night when he is using any substances. His behavior and his thinking are all way out of whack. And he doesn't "do his part" at all, so that doesn't work either. I end up full of resentment, and slowly I just go nuts. So that won't be happening again. I am now living by the 51% rule---I am at least 1% more important than he is. Shiela, you need to get help not only for yourself, but also so you can gain the strength to set boundaries with your son. It's clear that you love him, and by setting boundaries with him about what you will and won't do, you are giving him some space to perhaps take responsibility for his own life. Perhaps not. For sure, as long as you're going to do it for him, he won't. There are so many services out there for people without resources---please start finding out about them and get as much help as you can as soon as you can. There is a great life out there to be had by you, Shiela, whether your son continues to abuse heroin or not. We care. I am very sorry for your pain. [/QUOTE]
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