A couple of weeks ago some friends of mine were chewing the fat about the low form of wit on TV and one (older gent) started remembering some great lines from history. Another jokes forum came up some as well a few days later. This is a complilation... From the Pre Hip-Hop days when English was spoken and great intellectual minds were the admired ones, as opposed to those which made the most money. "He has all the virtues I dislike, and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." --William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -- Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde George Bernard Shaw said to Winston Churchill: "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one." Churchill's responded: "Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one." "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man, and worships his creator." -- John Bright "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." --Irvin S Cobb "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating (former Australian Prime Minister noted for his acerbic insults) "He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a dinner party, "Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee! Churchill replied, "Madam if I were your husband, I would drink it!" They really had a bitter feud going; on another occasion she said "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!" Whereupon he retorted (loudly enough for lots of people to hear): "Madam, it is true that I am drunk. But you are ugly, very ugly. And I shall be sober in the morning."