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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 375778" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p></p><p>JJJ - and such a short time to reach her - in my humble opinion a ' personal coaching ' approach would be better than a system that works on gaining visits or loosing trips because of behavior. Consequences in my humble opinion just reinforce and confirm a kid's perceptions that parents or caregivers are unfair, encourage kids to make comparisions and focus on the consequence and not on the behavior. Most people and especially kids go forward when they are inspired by adults , have positive experiences and learn skills. A coaching approach is solution focused - taking responsibility is more about dealing with the future and coming up with a better plan than saying I deserved the imposed consequence. I don't know adults who readily internalize consequences as their own doing. Even when we take responsibility and accept the consequences , it may even prevent coming up with a better plan. Some kids want punishment, they want to pay a price and get over it without needing to change themselves from the inside. I hope you can reach her or find someone who can connect and inspire her . Not easy</p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 375778, member: 10"] Hi, JJJ - and such a short time to reach her - in my humble opinion a ' personal coaching ' approach would be better than a system that works on gaining visits or loosing trips because of behavior. Consequences in my humble opinion just reinforce and confirm a kid's perceptions that parents or caregivers are unfair, encourage kids to make comparisions and focus on the consequence and not on the behavior. Most people and especially kids go forward when they are inspired by adults , have positive experiences and learn skills. A coaching approach is solution focused - taking responsibility is more about dealing with the future and coming up with a better plan than saying I deserved the imposed consequence. I don't know adults who readily internalize consequences as their own doing. Even when we take responsibility and accept the consequences , it may even prevent coming up with a better plan. Some kids want punishment, they want to pay a price and get over it without needing to change themselves from the inside. I hope you can reach her or find someone who can connect and inspire her . Not easy Allan [/QUOTE]
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