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Interesting update on difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 605294" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>O!M!G! Janet, on the "Mama's feeling frisky." </p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>We thought we were being quite racy to laugh and play Johnny Cash with difficult child around. Which would explain why the kids think we have no lives outside of them and their concerns...because as far as they know, we don't.</p><p></p><p>And I do go into "perfect grandma" mode when the grandkids are around. Just like I tried to do "perfect mom/perfect wife" when the kids were little.</p><p></p><p>But...real boats rock.</p><p></p><p>And perfect is as much about warmth and acceptance, warts and all, as it is about things being clean and freshly baked cookies. In fact, if there were ever anyone who is not about keeping things clean and baking cookies...it is difficult child. But she is earthy and warm and all about how she messed up and oh well, other things are more important. (!) And to take this a step further (though I am probably going to erase this part before I post it), difficult child son refuses to allow me to play "perfect grandma" with his kids. That would be no cooking whatever they want whenever they want or letting them get away with not picking up after themselves or treating them like they are the most important little beings in the Universe....) </p><p></p><p>Warmth and acceptance is hard for me. I can only be warm and accepting when everything looks like it is supposed to and dinner's on the way.</p><p></p><p>You've given me a lot to think about.</p><p></p><p></p><p>**********************</p><p></p><p>Your comment about having made a choice and accepting what is...you are a very wise woman, Dammit. Realizing the taste of the way I judge things always takes me by surprise. I've been viewing all this through a thin film of rage, resentment, and shame. Because if things don't look perfect, then I have to fix them to meet my definition of okay. But so far, nothing is working. So, to cover my rage, my confusion and resentment, I get very plastic. (In my own defense, I have to say that I actually do know of families in which every single thing IS perfect. Seriously. The kids are, like, doctors married to attorneys. They come to visit, and everyone is clean and no one is on probation.)</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>After everything I have done to help myself feel better...it turns out to be less the fact of what has happened that is making me miserable than the messiness of accepting what is without feeling that I've been singled out, that I've messed up somewhere, that I have to find some way to put things back in order before I can just "be." </p><p> </p><p>Which explains why the Brene Brown and Osteen materials work for me.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Recovering, you are right, about our children forcing our growth.</p><p></p><p>Oh, brother.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 605294, member: 1721"] O!M!G! Janet, on the "Mama's feeling frisky." :O) We thought we were being quite racy to laugh and play Johnny Cash with difficult child around. Which would explain why the kids think we have no lives outside of them and their concerns...because as far as they know, we don't. And I do go into "perfect grandma" mode when the grandkids are around. Just like I tried to do "perfect mom/perfect wife" when the kids were little. But...real boats rock. And perfect is as much about warmth and acceptance, warts and all, as it is about things being clean and freshly baked cookies. In fact, if there were ever anyone who is not about keeping things clean and baking cookies...it is difficult child. But she is earthy and warm and all about how she messed up and oh well, other things are more important. (!) And to take this a step further (though I am probably going to erase this part before I post it), difficult child son refuses to allow me to play "perfect grandma" with his kids. That would be no cooking whatever they want whenever they want or letting them get away with not picking up after themselves or treating them like they are the most important little beings in the Universe....) Warmth and acceptance is hard for me. I can only be warm and accepting when everything looks like it is supposed to and dinner's on the way. You've given me a lot to think about. ********************** Your comment about having made a choice and accepting what is...you are a very wise woman, Dammit. Realizing the taste of the way I judge things always takes me by surprise. I've been viewing all this through a thin film of rage, resentment, and shame. Because if things don't look perfect, then I have to fix them to meet my definition of okay. But so far, nothing is working. So, to cover my rage, my confusion and resentment, I get very plastic. (In my own defense, I have to say that I actually do know of families in which every single thing IS perfect. Seriously. The kids are, like, doctors married to attorneys. They come to visit, and everyone is clean and no one is on probation.) :O) After everything I have done to help myself feel better...it turns out to be less the fact of what has happened that is making me miserable than the messiness of accepting what is without feeling that I've been singled out, that I've messed up somewhere, that I have to find some way to put things back in order before I can just "be." Which explains why the Brene Brown and Osteen materials work for me. Cedar Recovering, you are right, about our children forcing our growth. Oh, brother. [/QUOTE]
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