Introducing Myself

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JustOneMoreTry, Nov 28, 2007.

  1. JustOneMoreTry

    JustOneMoreTry New Member

    So, I don’t really know where to start with this first post. Maybe with the questions usually asked.

    Psychiatrists diagnosed both kids – my son through a school evaluation as well as private. My daughter through private evaluations – including a hospital stay. She is also in the process of being evaluated to get more help in school.

    Right now neither are on medications – but they will most likely be started again in the future – most especially for GFGSD. She is not currently in therapy – but they both have been off and on for years. GFGSS issues aren’t helped by therapy – but he does have a resource room in school to help with social issues, etc. He also has horrible memory problems – can do something and 1 second later denies it completely. I think he may have some verbal processing issues.

    Therapy for GFGSD is a waste of time and money. She won’t work with counselor and forgets everything they have said as soon as she leaves. The only fun part for her is she is the complete center of attention for an hour. We tried family counseling as well – which I thought was good – we may continue that in the future.

    Neither child has any speech or developmental delays. GFGSS has sensory issues – loud sounds, shoes. He also paces like crazy – used to flap arms when he was little – but suppresses it now. I sometimes see the hands moving at his sides.

    GFGSS is doing very very well in school this year – A’s and one B. He is putting in a supreme effort. However, his issues are that he has this ‘I’m better than anyone’ attitude that is driving us crazy. Actually told us last night that he is better than most people – including his sister and any thing we say is absurd. He also doesn’t understand why we would take exception to those statements.

    GFGSD is failing all but one class (math). She is not interested in homework, school, getting to class on time and just recently has started sneaking out to go see new boyfriend at his house. She was recently in a program with the county – Growth Works and was drug tested quite frequently – no problems there (for now). She is most interested in the social part of high school – could care less about anything/anyone else. She is all about her in a very scary way. I know part of it is teenager stuff – but it amazes me what she will do to get what she wants – including stealing, lying, etc. (I know the manipulation – all about me is the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) diagnosis)

    Big mental health issues in the family tree on husband’s side including ADHD (almost everyone), undiagnosed Aspergers (symptoms the same), Depression, and Schizophrenia (husband’s Sister).

    Bio Mom’s side has depression issues – but don’t know much. She never wanted them (has told them so – isn’t that nice) and wanders in and out of their lives.

    I come to this site mostly to reassure myself that I am not alone. I also need the energy, courage and support to keep trying with these kids – it has been hard. I am actually feeling like I just want to run and hide and hope they can just make it to 18 and leave. My husband has had full physical custody and I have raised these too from the age of 5 and 6.

    Hopefully I can also offer some advice and support as well.

  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Hi and welcome. Sounds like you already know a lot of what is going on in your kids' lives and that's a huge step forward.

    Having a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kid is something on this side of pure misery. It takes a lot of therapy, a lot of interventions and a lot of luck to get through to them. At 15, especially if she's not willing to do the work, there's not much you can do unless you can find a good Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that specializes in Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (and you have the funds to pay for it). You might also see if there is an adoption therapist in your area and try family counseling with that psychologist -- they usually have a lot of experience with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids. If you haven't read it, checkout Keck's Raising the Hurt Child. It can give you some insight into the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) aspects. That being said, praying for 18 is not that unreasonable of a goal, sadly to say. You have my sympathies.

    From what I've seen in a friend's son with aspergers, inflated ego is not that uncommon. Actually, his ego was pretty realistic -- he was more intelligent than 95% of the people he knew, a talented artist -- he just didn't hesitate to let you know how good he was and how good you weren't. He didn't see it as an ego issue but rather a simple statement of fact. Sounds like your son is pretty much the same way. If you can find a way to teach him empathy, it would probably help with his ego. Maybe get him (or the entire family) to volunteer at a local shelter or something like that. It is hard to teach a kid with no understanding of emotions to try to feel what others do. Again, a therapist may be the best way to go for him -- someone who will respect (at least for a little while) who can work on teaching him that others really do have feelings. Not an easy task, especially when someone is in the egocentric world of teenagedom.
  3. JustOneMoreTry

    JustOneMoreTry New Member

    "Having a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kid is something on this side of pure misery."

    Meowbunny - that is such a true statement...

    Thanks for your reply - especially the part about the ego. Sometimes I forget that I am not just dealing with a teenager, but a teenager with issues. I know that may sound weird to some - Like - how could I forget - but it is very true. When something comes out of their mouth or they do something stupid - I don't immediately think - well that is because of their disorder, illness, etc. - I think I didn't do that or this isn't normal.

    Case in point - I just received a call from the school counselor for GFGSD - a friend of GFGSD came to the counselor and told her that GFGSD told the friend that she (GFGSD) was cutting herself. Now - this of course is a great cause for alarm - right?! - Well not in my world - I happen to know that GFGSD cut her arm on a picture frame over the weekend. When I saw the cut then - I thought - 'oh I am going to get a call on this one' as it was right by the wrist etc. So I described the wound to the counselor and she said she would examine GFGSD's arms and get back with me. My guess is it was a bid for more attention. (Cutting seems to be an "in" thing right now - any one else experiencing this - I was just having a discussion with my son on this as well)

    Well - I was right - counselor called back and GFGSD admitted it - she just wanted to 'fit in' - how sad is this!!!!!

    Well - that was my phone call from school for the day - it's over now.....just have to deal with it at home now...

    She needs to get back in counseling - I am afriad I am dealing with more than Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) - there are some serious mental health issues here.

  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Have you called the local Developmental Disabilities Office yet? They may have counselors that specialize in aspergers. You can also get him social skills classes that help a lot. You can check with the social skills people about writing "social stories" they really help with aspies.

    Just a thought!