That is the crux of the problem though, they don't want to! I wondered about this for a long time with our son until I was taking him to pick up some stuff. He was ranting on about the fact that we refused to give his friend a ride and that no one else would call him back. We wouldn't do it partly because we knew he just wanted the friend to move in with him. Anyway, he was ranting away in the car when his phone rang. He answered the phone and in the most pleasant tone of voice "Hey Dude! Whats up?".
The tirades they throw around us are about control and manipulation. Its all about getting their way.
