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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 491087" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>HELLO! You are right, you are in a place here where we do get it. There are times you just cant "make" a kid do anything. Once they figure out that you really can't do much if they just refuse to move then short of calling the police (and there are folks here who have done that) what can you do? Other people here decide to do online school or home school. I wont do home school becasue I dont think my son would listen to me at all and nothing would get done in terms of normal academics, but we would be able to do therapeutic activities, I can take him places no problem. I will consider home-bound instruction if needed. (the teacher comes to you or library or other public place to teach when there is a medical condition for a child needing to not be in school. Mental health is medical. </p><p></p><p>My son has health issues too. I struggle with times when I think he SHOULD stay home and he wants to go to school, but I wonder if his behaviors are medically influenced and do I risk his going and having a horrible day when I have to go get him anyway. My sister has the same issue as you do, her daughter has a lot of stomach issues and avoidance of school too. Sometimes real stomach issues, sometimes trying to escape school. She usually makes her go now and doesn't get a call from the nurse to come and get her so??? but it is a struggle. I personally had TONS of very very REAL stomach aches as a kid. Maybe they were emotionally triggered, but the pain was the same if they were. I hated people ignoring my pain. I can totally see how it would be so hard for you to decide what to do in that case.</p><p></p><p>I also think your gut is saying this therapist is not great. I agree, it is great to talk about goals when a person is in that place, and for now, seems like that would be way too overwhelming. It seems like therapist is treating this as behavior with no underlying cause...what is he/she doing about the underlying anxiety and depression? </p><p></p><p>I am sorry you are feeing such pain and strain over this. Of course you do! It is your duaghter... How is your therapy going? do you feel like she feeds off your anxiety over this? (my kid does when he sees me worry about a specific issue, and my other sister's kids do for sure...I have a sister with severe general anxiety and her son is on a 504 and at times does not want to leave the house, he says sometimes the same words she says). doesn't make us bad people, just means we have to work even harder to set an example of how to deal with anxiety. </p><p></p><p>I have always felt that just because a child is gifted it does not mean they must be in gifted programming. I love that she chose a school matched to interests. What support is there for her there? I didn't fully understand if this is the school where the teachers are not understanding? Was that the school before the charter school? I think if a chlld is gifted, and if the school is good, then you can't stop a child from learning. If it is totally canned and they can't let a kid read off the required list to higher level books etc..then you can end up with a bored kid with behavior issues, doesn't sound like your issue, sounds like she needs to not be overwhelmed. So, if this is a different school,will they help you with a 504 plan or even better, if this is interfering with school so much, she may need an IEp and have special education support from teachers who specialize in working with kids with emotional and behavioral conditions. If she had a resource room to go to it could make a world of difference. They can help kids to work on problems in the moment. In a charter school they may need to have more of a consult model with someone from the disrict coming over... but certainly accomodations and a lead person can be a sanctuary for her. </p><p></p><p>You are truly not alone and let your story come out as you feel ready. Dont answer any questions that you feel are hurtful or hard right now, I am just asking to share and converse, not to judge in any way. I hope you find this supportive group as amazing as I have. HUGS to you and difficult child! love, buddy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 491087, member: 12886"] HELLO! You are right, you are in a place here where we do get it. There are times you just cant "make" a kid do anything. Once they figure out that you really can't do much if they just refuse to move then short of calling the police (and there are folks here who have done that) what can you do? Other people here decide to do online school or home school. I wont do home school becasue I dont think my son would listen to me at all and nothing would get done in terms of normal academics, but we would be able to do therapeutic activities, I can take him places no problem. I will consider home-bound instruction if needed. (the teacher comes to you or library or other public place to teach when there is a medical condition for a child needing to not be in school. Mental health is medical. My son has health issues too. I struggle with times when I think he SHOULD stay home and he wants to go to school, but I wonder if his behaviors are medically influenced and do I risk his going and having a horrible day when I have to go get him anyway. My sister has the same issue as you do, her daughter has a lot of stomach issues and avoidance of school too. Sometimes real stomach issues, sometimes trying to escape school. She usually makes her go now and doesn't get a call from the nurse to come and get her so??? but it is a struggle. I personally had TONS of very very REAL stomach aches as a kid. Maybe they were emotionally triggered, but the pain was the same if they were. I hated people ignoring my pain. I can totally see how it would be so hard for you to decide what to do in that case. I also think your gut is saying this therapist is not great. I agree, it is great to talk about goals when a person is in that place, and for now, seems like that would be way too overwhelming. It seems like therapist is treating this as behavior with no underlying cause...what is he/she doing about the underlying anxiety and depression? I am sorry you are feeing such pain and strain over this. Of course you do! It is your duaghter... How is your therapy going? do you feel like she feeds off your anxiety over this? (my kid does when he sees me worry about a specific issue, and my other sister's kids do for sure...I have a sister with severe general anxiety and her son is on a 504 and at times does not want to leave the house, he says sometimes the same words she says). doesn't make us bad people, just means we have to work even harder to set an example of how to deal with anxiety. I have always felt that just because a child is gifted it does not mean they must be in gifted programming. I love that she chose a school matched to interests. What support is there for her there? I didn't fully understand if this is the school where the teachers are not understanding? Was that the school before the charter school? I think if a chlld is gifted, and if the school is good, then you can't stop a child from learning. If it is totally canned and they can't let a kid read off the required list to higher level books etc..then you can end up with a bored kid with behavior issues, doesn't sound like your issue, sounds like she needs to not be overwhelmed. So, if this is a different school,will they help you with a 504 plan or even better, if this is interfering with school so much, she may need an IEp and have special education support from teachers who specialize in working with kids with emotional and behavioral conditions. If she had a resource room to go to it could make a world of difference. They can help kids to work on problems in the moment. In a charter school they may need to have more of a consult model with someone from the disrict coming over... but certainly accomodations and a lead person can be a sanctuary for her. You are truly not alone and let your story come out as you feel ready. Dont answer any questions that you feel are hurtful or hard right now, I am just asking to share and converse, not to judge in any way. I hope you find this supportive group as amazing as I have. HUGS to you and difficult child! love, buddy [/QUOTE]
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