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is anyone on to pm, i have a bit of a situation (please tell me how to pm)
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 351667" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Missy</p><p></p><p>You can PM someone by clicking on their name. A list of options will appear and you can choose from the list.</p><p></p><p>I can't honestly tell you which theory is right to use. But my bff's family couldn't see to make up their minds. They had spent a lifetime spoiling bff and coming to her rescue. It was next to impossible for them to break the habit. I don't judge them because I don't think it's fair to try. But I do know their behavior didn't help bff. She was a pro at making them feel guilt over something they had nothing to do with. And if she saw the slightest bit of weakness in them she used it to her fullest advantage. Hard as it would be to do, if her family had taken a firm united stand before it got to the extremes that it did at the end......she had a much higher chance of recovery. Yes, bff made her choices and using was her own doing. But their enabling behaviors helped her to continue. Tough love forces them to face the issue and to deal with it themselves, to hopefully hit that "bottom" point faster that motivates them to seek help.</p><p></p><p>Tough love is so hard because in many ways it goes against what we're naturally inclined to do as a parent. But I believe it can be done with love. I used it on my bff. It didn't mean that I pushed her out of my life. She'd call occasionally, and I always took the call. When she tried to gain sympathy as she did from her family, I pointed out to her what behavior caused whatever it was she was complaining about. I was blunt and direct. But there was no need to be cruel. I never gave her cash, I never offered help. I just kept telling her where to find it and telling her she had to make the choice and I'd be there by her side when she did. It was terribly hard, but I knew that was the only way I could really help her.</p><p></p><p>Years ago I read the AA handbook from cover to cover. I don't even know if they still have one. But if they do, you may find it very helpful. It helped to make me a stronger, better person. I still fall back on it often, especially with difficult children. Wish I had it still, I'd send it to you.</p><p></p><p>You've been doing a good job. Don't beat yourself up. difficult child has to want help. This are his choices. You've offered to take him places where he can stay. He chooses not to go. </p><p></p><p>((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 351667, member: 84"] Missy You can PM someone by clicking on their name. A list of options will appear and you can choose from the list. I can't honestly tell you which theory is right to use. But my bff's family couldn't see to make up their minds. They had spent a lifetime spoiling bff and coming to her rescue. It was next to impossible for them to break the habit. I don't judge them because I don't think it's fair to try. But I do know their behavior didn't help bff. She was a pro at making them feel guilt over something they had nothing to do with. And if she saw the slightest bit of weakness in them she used it to her fullest advantage. Hard as it would be to do, if her family had taken a firm united stand before it got to the extremes that it did at the end......she had a much higher chance of recovery. Yes, bff made her choices and using was her own doing. But their enabling behaviors helped her to continue. Tough love forces them to face the issue and to deal with it themselves, to hopefully hit that "bottom" point faster that motivates them to seek help. Tough love is so hard because in many ways it goes against what we're naturally inclined to do as a parent. But I believe it can be done with love. I used it on my bff. It didn't mean that I pushed her out of my life. She'd call occasionally, and I always took the call. When she tried to gain sympathy as she did from her family, I pointed out to her what behavior caused whatever it was she was complaining about. I was blunt and direct. But there was no need to be cruel. I never gave her cash, I never offered help. I just kept telling her where to find it and telling her she had to make the choice and I'd be there by her side when she did. It was terribly hard, but I knew that was the only way I could really help her. Years ago I read the AA handbook from cover to cover. I don't even know if they still have one. But if they do, you may find it very helpful. It helped to make me a stronger, better person. I still fall back on it often, especially with difficult children. Wish I had it still, I'd send it to you. You've been doing a good job. Don't beat yourself up. difficult child has to want help. This are his choices. You've offered to take him places where he can stay. He chooses not to go. ((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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is anyone on to pm, i have a bit of a situation (please tell me how to pm)
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