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is facing our demons a good thing?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 122637" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Jen, I'm late to this topic. Sorry.</p><p></p><p>Facing your demons - a good thing. But it doesn't have to be literally face to face, especially if you're not ready.</p><p></p><p>You can begin by writing a letter. It need never be sent - writing a letter in which you pour out all the hurt and anger, then taking that letter outside and setting fire to it - can be very therapeutic.</p><p></p><p>Talk to a counsellor, get some professional advice. From what you say about your father, it sounds like you don't owe him anything, certainly not any say in your life. Do not let him control you or make you feel bad. He is a sperm donor only, who (from the sound of it) abrogated his parental rights years ago. You have since become an adult and been raising yourself ever since, trying to heal yourself in the process.</p><p></p><p>There are things you need which only a counsellor can give you. And I think you need them before you physically go face him. Do it right - and it can be a wonderful healing process. Do it wrong, and all you're doing is repeating history, marking time and not benefiting from your efforts.</p><p></p><p>You can forgive someone, without them ever knowing it. Forgiving someone doesn't mean "what you did was OK." It means, "I'm not letting this continue to hurt me any more, I am moving on." A person doesn't have to say sorry, before you can forgive. Forgiveness is a personal thing and can't be forced. But even moving towards it, to a sense of, "I am bigger than this, I will not let what this person did, continue to damage me," is healthy.</p><p>But you need to be ready for this, and it takes help.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 122637, member: 1991"] Jen, I'm late to this topic. Sorry. Facing your demons - a good thing. But it doesn't have to be literally face to face, especially if you're not ready. You can begin by writing a letter. It need never be sent - writing a letter in which you pour out all the hurt and anger, then taking that letter outside and setting fire to it - can be very therapeutic. Talk to a counsellor, get some professional advice. From what you say about your father, it sounds like you don't owe him anything, certainly not any say in your life. Do not let him control you or make you feel bad. He is a sperm donor only, who (from the sound of it) abrogated his parental rights years ago. You have since become an adult and been raising yourself ever since, trying to heal yourself in the process. There are things you need which only a counsellor can give you. And I think you need them before you physically go face him. Do it right - and it can be a wonderful healing process. Do it wrong, and all you're doing is repeating history, marking time and not benefiting from your efforts. You can forgive someone, without them ever knowing it. Forgiving someone doesn't mean "what you did was OK." It means, "I'm not letting this continue to hurt me any more, I am moving on." A person doesn't have to say sorry, before you can forgive. Forgiveness is a personal thing and can't be forced. But even moving towards it, to a sense of, "I am bigger than this, I will not let what this person did, continue to damage me," is healthy. But you need to be ready for this, and it takes help. Marg [/QUOTE]
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