The last few talks and visits with difficult child have gone like this: difficult child told me he felt like I had turned on him and didn't want him and that's why he made no effort after getting out of Department of Juvenile Justice and coming home. I bit that at first then went off on him, reminding him that he is the one that turned on me- the kid stole from me and pulled a knife on me and was sneaking around behind my back and lieing to me. I explained to difficult child that we might have to go to transitional housing for a while- which is similar to a group home but for mother's and kids both. I did say that this situation wasn't ALL his fault, but his continuous getting into legal trouble contributed to it. He told me he'd run away if this happened- he's not going to live in a group home of any sort. He has places he can go and he thinks he can make it on his own. (He's 15yo) I told him that would be just great- contribute to me having to go thru every single resource I have to the point that I have to live in a shelter, then run away and leave me sitting on a curb. He said "no, you take care of yourself and do what you need to do- I just don't want to contribute to the problems anymore, I can make it on my own". Then, the last conversation, he went off about me blaming him for all this. I told him that it wasn't all his fault (again) but he had destroyed brand new stuff in the house, etc. He said "how was I supposed to know all this could happen". I said "because, difficult child, I sat right there and told you in front of therapist, 18 mos ago, that if you didn't get up and go to school so I could go to work, I would lose my job and that means losing the house". He actually responded "how was I supposed to know what losing your job meant". Are you kidding? Is there any way that a boy almost 14yo at that time and of average intelliegence, albeit never having experienced real financial difficulty in the household, didn't get that this was important? So he got everyone convinced that I was just being neurotic about worrying too much about a job, the house, finances, and him getting into trouble. And everyone bought it. Now the PO says difficult child is just manipulating and lieing to everyone. Well, from my standpoint, if these nitwits hadn't fallen for every BS line from my family and difficult child before, maybe he wouldn't have become convinced he could get by with this. Whatever. I left things with difficult child, the last time I talked to him, that the only way we can pull OURSELVES out of this is to be on the same team and pull together and each do our part. He said that's what he wanted but he had read some letters I'd sent to the court and felt that I didn't care if he was home or not anymore. He completely fails to acknowledge (or understand??) that those letters saying if I am the cause of the problem, then send difficult child somewhere else as long as it's safe and appropriate are a result of everyone blaming me instead of him taking responsibility and also because I really do want what is in his best interest. They in NO way mean that I don't love him or want him or that I am no longer interested in being in his life. I don't know how to deal with this kid. There are too many hands in the pot with the PO and all. I can only hope and pray that the VA therapist "gets it" and can help me and give us some useful family therapy that doesn't trigger difficult child into violence again.