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Parent Emeritus
Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 687271" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I believe there has always been varying degrees of separation and discord among families, especially here in this country which has a history of westward expansion and of immigration and tolerance of individualism, full-fettered expression of personal freedoms and individual rights. To say nothing of the distance made in families by job mobility and advancement. The rite of passage in upper middle class families, for example, of sending children to far away colleges or in upper class families sending their even younger children to boarding schools, creates the expectation of separation.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking that our pain comes more from the sense of internalized failure and responsibility to which SWOT eloquently refers on another thread.</p><p></p><p>So is that the reason why the idea of ending it all at once, appeals? To end the sense of personal failure? That what our adult kids knowingly or unconsciously do is push the Mommy button that should have been disabled, triggering our sense of responsibility and culpability if we either refuse or disregard. Is that it?</p><p></p><p>But after all is said and done (and Walrus you have done it) what is there left to do? The detaching, staying neutral, getting a life--what then? If somebody will not stop? I think I would change my number, get off social media, and if need be, get a restraining order.</p><p></p><p>Actually, I did a version of this. Well, I went so far as to not call or speak on the phone. I am proud of myself.</p><p></p><p>And while I did not do this to exert control over my son, or to seek a result, it did seem to coincide with some positive changes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 687271, member: 18958"] I believe there has always been varying degrees of separation and discord among families, especially here in this country which has a history of westward expansion and of immigration and tolerance of individualism, full-fettered expression of personal freedoms and individual rights. To say nothing of the distance made in families by job mobility and advancement. The rite of passage in upper middle class families, for example, of sending children to far away colleges or in upper class families sending their even younger children to boarding schools, creates the expectation of separation. I am thinking that our pain comes more from the sense of internalized failure and responsibility to which SWOT eloquently refers on another thread. So is that the reason why the idea of ending it all at once, appeals? To end the sense of personal failure? That what our adult kids knowingly or unconsciously do is push the Mommy button that should have been disabled, triggering our sense of responsibility and culpability if we either refuse or disregard. Is that it? But after all is said and done (and Walrus you have done it) what is there left to do? The detaching, staying neutral, getting a life--what then? If somebody will not stop? I think I would change my number, get off social media, and if need be, get a restraining order. Actually, I did a version of this. Well, I went so far as to not call or speak on the phone. I am proud of myself. And while I did not do this to exert control over my son, or to seek a result, it did seem to coincide with some positive changes. [/QUOTE]
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Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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