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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 460259"><p>OK from your sig your difficult child is 20 years old. He is legally and adult. You really cant do any more to fix this unless he wants to..... My experience has been that other people here what you have been through and they just think there must be something you can do and they start coming up with solutions... sometimes those solutions are things you have already tried, or solutions you know from experience won't work, or realistically won' t work because your difficult child doesn't want it. I have had friends do this to me... and what I have to really impart to them is that I have done everything I can, everything I can think of, and really there is nothing I can do until my son wants help himself. Reality it is really hard to sit in this helpless place us PE parents sit which is our kids are legally adults and there really is nothing we can do.</p><p></p><p>I think people who are not sitting here just don't believe it... if only you just (fill in the blank) then he would get better. Reality is that is a crock. And it is easy to get into a funk if you buy into that thinking at all because you go down that if only I did abc path. </p><p></p><p>One thing that really helped me was a parents alanon group where I found other good parents in the same position I was in.</p><p></p><p>And I will do an update in another thread.... but what I am seeing live right now is that my taking this "it is up to you, not me" my son is actually seeking help for himself. I can help him help himself but he is now in the drivers seat not me.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there, hold your head high and don't let them bring out the guilt gremlins..... and come here to all of us.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 460259"] OK from your sig your difficult child is 20 years old. He is legally and adult. You really cant do any more to fix this unless he wants to..... My experience has been that other people here what you have been through and they just think there must be something you can do and they start coming up with solutions... sometimes those solutions are things you have already tried, or solutions you know from experience won't work, or realistically won' t work because your difficult child doesn't want it. I have had friends do this to me... and what I have to really impart to them is that I have done everything I can, everything I can think of, and really there is nothing I can do until my son wants help himself. Reality it is really hard to sit in this helpless place us PE parents sit which is our kids are legally adults and there really is nothing we can do. I think people who are not sitting here just don't believe it... if only you just (fill in the blank) then he would get better. Reality is that is a crock. And it is easy to get into a funk if you buy into that thinking at all because you go down that if only I did abc path. One thing that really helped me was a parents alanon group where I found other good parents in the same position I was in. And I will do an update in another thread.... but what I am seeing live right now is that my taking this "it is up to you, not me" my son is actually seeking help for himself. I can help him help himself but he is now in the drivers seat not me. Hang in there, hold your head high and don't let them bring out the guilt gremlins..... and come here to all of us. TL [/QUOTE]
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